Existential OCD

Note two things: the over-importance placed upon thoughts, AND the need for certainty and reassurance. You’ve had this thought “am I/we real”, and, now, to “get rid” of the thought, you engaged in some compulsions (behaviours with the cat, speaking with your girlfriend, etc.). You are having trouble “neutralizing” this particular thought with your usual kinds of compulsions; and, so, it makes the anxiety seem even more immediate and threatening. The ruminating is simply this: an OCD desire to find “meaning” in a distressing thought (when there isn’t any), and to engage in behaviours (whether mental or external rituals) to neutralize the threatening thought. These are thoughts, friend. You’ll be fine! Things pass. Don’t try and “force” the thought out of your head. If it’s there: so what? Let it be there. Try and notice what other thoughts go flowing through that stream of consciousness you have. Your mind is just doing it’s thing. You don’t need to attach meaning to the thoughts. We all have these kinds of thoughts. Thanks for posting this!

Are you seeing an OCD specialist? This is something you need to bring up with them while also working on ROCD.

I think those are normal behaviors. I wouldn’t over think that. We all wonder why we are alive and here. Just like an adopted child wonders, who their real parents.

I’ve dealt with this fear. The way to get through it is to stop trying to solve your question about if only you’re real and everyone else is just a figment of your imagination. Your compulsion is analyzing, ruminating, but mostly trying to “solve it” or “get an answer”. I would accept that this worldview is a possibility, even if it terrifies you and there’s no way to get a definitive answer. By going around and around in a circle trying to disprove it (compulsion), you will only be fueling your existential fear (obsession). Try abandoning your hope of solving this question. Even if you could solve it, OCD will just 1UP itself to get you scared into the next thought you can’t solve. Leaving it unsolved is the better path, because the path you’re on is just pointlessly arguing with yourself about a question you won’t be able to solve definitively. Ruminating isn’t constructive but just dropping fuel on this fire. On the flip side, if you stopped trying to solve it, you’ll see that you can actually live a fulfilling life parallel to the fear.