The WORST compulsion…

Ugh this compulsion is the worst. I hate it and am so guilty of it. I have HOCD and at times I’ll go look up an adult website to make sure im still attracted to girls. The worst thing about this is OBVIOUSLY AS A MAN. I get aroused seeing the women like this. But also, I am a man who believes adult websites are TERRIBLE and have never struggled with them thank goodness. I’m just putting this out there bc i feel weak and alone at times. I know i have to hold back compulsions but geez 3+hrs of my mind just going on and on and on is so obnoxious. Still that is just an excuse.

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 2y

Just because the concept of not doing compulsions is simple, it does not mean it is easy. It will feel like you HAVE TO confirm you sexual orientation by checking your arousal to specific stimuli. Then if you are not watching porn for reassurance, which is a good first step, it is possible to still ruminate and do mental compulsions. You have taken a good step by committing to not seeking reassurance, and working with an ERP therapist can help you complete the process.

mwhite1994

Date posted: 2y

I'm similar I keep watching lesbian porn bc it gets me off and I think now I'm a lesbian but I've always dated men always been boy crazy but not I'm doubting myself bc I find women attractive so I'll tell myself well maybe your bisexual to feel better and im starting to actually feel a little bit better rather then years ago when I had this theme I'd feel sick and throw up and get the shakes from anxiety

Mt2019

Date posted: 20w

Question about HOCD

Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please

Elliesmith

Date posted: 16w

Read pls

I feel so ridiculous saying this. Has anyone struggled with looking down a people’s private areas since having ocd. I hate it, but feel I have to look or find myself just looking. I feel so guilty after and especially when it’s a women I kinda shudder after like why did I just do that. Ugh I hate this. I never used to have this issue but now I’m focusing on it my anxiety is going crazy with it . If people have experienced, how did you get over this??? My sexual orientation is thriving off this . I hate it

Fruitsnacks

Date posted: 12w

Feeling Like I’m The Only One

Im a straight man and sometimes I make the mistake of compulsively getting on here. It’s gotten better but I slip sometimes. I feel like I’m alone in this and I even read on some OCD page that Women are more likely to suffer from this theme than Men. That just makes me feel like I’m in denial of some sort. I feel alone and feel like my intrusive thoughts are different. I know that’s what everyone who has ocd thinks, but I can’t help shake the feeling like what if I’m lying to myself or what if I have some underlying secret. I don’t want to be gay. I find I argue with myself in my head over and over and sometimes by repeating “I don’t want to be gay, I want to be straight” I’ll end up saying the opposite and that would scare me even though I know that It happened because I’m constantly fighting with OCD. Just feeling a bit down today. I had a sexual dream about an ex girlfriend and it felt great and I’m not scared by it. I find and want to be with Women romantically til forever.

Sexual Orientation OCD

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The WORST compulsion…

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