- Date posted
- 2y
Positive
Just a positive post for those who may need it tonight. I have been feeling very, very good about my current status dealing with OCD. It’s really crazy to finally feel like I’ve gotten ahead of my intrusive thoughts. I recently have found strength in accepting the uncertainty, which at first sounded like total bullshit. But now, I actually feel pretty good. I guess for me (really for anybody) dealing with uncertainty did not mean I had to accept my intrusive thoughts as a reality but I had to take away its potency by continuing to believe in what I always knew to be true and devaluing those stupid intrusive thoughts by stripping the feeling of anxiety away from them. Unfortunately I know that sounds like all advice to help defeat OCD but I really feel like that’s the only way to write it. I would constantly find new ways to make myself anxious , and feed my ocd. Which for about a year was just awful because I was in the initial stage of fear. I had no fight in me, everything in my world at the time seemed to have just flipped upside down. Work, family friends, everything felt so awkward and wrong which really gave me no time or courage to work on the ocd that was bothering me. In turn, I sat with those feelings ..constantly thinking about my fears, JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE. And in time after unwillingly analyzing those fears, I realized that ocd had its flaws and they were kind of easy to notice. I realized that there was really no other substance to my triggers other than the emotion of fear. 0 other emotion. true emotion. It’s easy to think yourself into believing that you’re feeling a certain way but in all reality the whole entire time you’re only feeling anxious. When you feel “happy” about a trigger or “excited”about a trigger you’re immediately anxiety ridden..why? Because those feelings aren’t real! They are exactly what you don’t want to feel, so you’re creating that emotion to test your ocd and see if it’s what you would “like” or how you feel deep down. It’s fucking crazy lol. I like to compliment myself and others and say anyone who is suffering with ocd has one thing to blame and that’s an intelligent brain. I mean being capable of thinking one million different variations of negative ideas and one million different variations of solutions to those negative ideas is kind of impressive, it’s like our brains are capable of working too hard. So really if that statement is true, with a little determination to learn your mind and callous it towards the ideas that may trigger you..anybody is capable of beating this bullshit mental illness. It starts with wanting to work, and then once you get that fire lit it is time to work. Do those ERP’s, do them with your therapist, do them on your own, don’t let that fucking feeling of anxiety touch you instead tell it you don’t give a fuck and you will continue to have those thoughts and act the way you want anyways. You are capable of living any life as long as you defy those anxiety ridden thoughts. And just like anything else failure is ok, there is a win in every failure especially if you remind yourself that. Continue to listen to what you want to believe , and pay attention but don’t react to the thoughts you hate. Your recovery starts when you want it to.