Ang1998

Date posted: 2y

Although I know everything ok, the fear still here

I know I’m safe, I’m told I’m safe but yet I keep thinking I’m in danger. Here’s the story: My boyfriend comes from a 2nd to third world country where gangs/terrorists and violence run rampant. So much so that his country’s government had to hire/run a new president to fix the issues. Whether their president gets re-elected we don’t know. In said country the people are sometimes forced to give gang members money to not get hurt/murdered. For no reason, these terrorists just like being in charge. It’s sad. Anyway he’s told me it’s over with and that he didn’t really have to live that way and sends money to his family for water, food, and meds. He tells me about his childhood and tells me he was asked by “insert terrorist group here” to join in his country and he said no. And right then I started panicking because the news media tells us that saying no to these kinds of people in their country is a no no and you can’t escape. So for weeks I was under the impression he came to the US to run away from said people and I panicked. I even thought about dumping him in order to feel safe, not because I didn’t want him as a boyfriend. Anyway fast foreword to yesterday after a small argument on my part for feeling unsafe he tells me “let’s talk” and told me there was nothing to worry about and that these people were childhood friends or acquaintances that ended up choosing the wrong path in their lives and asked if he wanted to come along and he said no and that there was nothing to fear and that he came here on a work visa and showed it to me before too. Even though I felt relief the panic still came back the next day and it won’t go away even though my boyfriends been in the US for 5+ years without issue, and it’s not like I don’t have friends myself who got into dirty deeds so me and my boyfriend are the same. We come from the same background and had bad groups of friends that we had to leave behind. So why am I like this? So how do I calm myself down? Has anyone else been through this?

blazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I haven’t been through something like this but I can give you my input. It sounds like even though you’re safe, you fear that his group of said friends may still come after him for not joining their group, and possibly after you as well. Perhaps you don’t trust your boyfriend’s words and feel like he may be hiding something, so if something were to happen, you worry that you have no control over the situation. OCD is irrational; it’ll go after anything you care about which in this case, is you and boyfriend. You have uncertainty about being unsafe, so tell yourself “maybe I’m safe, maybe I’m not”, “I don’t need to figure this out”, or “who knows?”. Also don’t ask your boyfriend for reassurance because it’ll fuel your anxiety more and create more doubts. I’m sorry you’re going through this though :( I hope you feel better soon ❤️‍🩹

Ang1998

Date posted: 2y

@blazed Yeah like it’s a total trust issue and I’m worried I won’t be able to trust him even though he has told me “o can’t make you trust me but I promise I never had issues with anyone. Get to know me more. We did rush into a relationship without getting to understand. The more you get to know me the faster you’ll understand that you have nothing to fear”

blazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Ang1998 That makes sense! If you rushed into a relationship then I can imagine there would be uncertainty there. Whatever your OCD tells you, do the opposite. If you have the urge to breakup with him, then stay with him. The issue here isn’t your relationship, it’s tolerating uncertainty. If you broke up then your OCD would probably latch onto something else. You get what I’m saying? :)

Ang1998

Date posted: 2y

@blazed Yup! And I know why all these OCD themes happen too Trauma. Yep. I fear death situations because I’ve escaped it and was threatened before I’ve worried I was a rapist for dating anyone a few years younger than me and thought about calling the cops on myself because I’m a freak that belongs in jail, a possible killer thinking of a plan because I wished my abusers died, I always worried I’m going to tell a lie or say the wrong thing because I was humiliated or abused when I stood up for myself. Constantly checking things because what if I made a mistake? Because I’d be screamed at if I made a minor mishap Always wondering if I’m dating a liar or deceiver because I’ve been cheated on (thankfully not one of those girls who accuses guys of cheating for no reason) but I always fear of liars because I’ve been lied to and I can’t trust anyone expecially like When an ex of mine told Me his friends were murdered by a shot gun while playing tag in the woods behind a building that never happened. All lies for Sympathy. Total sociopath

Ang1998

Date posted: 2y

@blazed The themes get worse anytime I’m in a new relationship. I thought of cheating for no reason, cheating because of the thoughts, cheating because I thought of my exes sometimes and “missed them” worried I cheated when i didn’t because again, trauma. I was accused by another ex of cheating when he was the one cheating

Ang1998

Date posted: 2y

@blazed The themes bring me to panic attacks and they stop once I’m single again. I’m more happy single than I am taken because half the thoughts I mentioned aren’t present when I’m lonely. Even though I love my boyfriend I always feel better when I’m alone because half the thoughts stop when I’m single and just the stupid “did I check this or that” or “did I try to tell a lie” type themes come up and those are better than ROCD themes

Ang1998

Date posted: 2y

@blazed I don’t trust anyone but myself so I can say “oh I have met gang members or have drug addict friends” because I know they have their own lives I stay out of and wouldn’t hurt me. I trust myself with others. But yeah idk if my boyfriend is a liar or safe or can trust him when he says he minds his business and is safe because again I’m not him. I only trust myself

Ang1998

Date posted: 2y

@blazed Sometimes it’s gotten so bad that the only time any ocd thoughts stop is if I’m having sex and after sex I feel high and euphoric and the thoughts stop for a couple hours and come back once the high wears off. Legit it’s like I have to like push myself to get high and be happy. Thank god I’m not on drugs but yeah who knows if I was I’d be screwed

blazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Ang1998 Are you in therapy currently? It sounds like you have quite a bit of trauma around relationships and now its become one of your triggers :( trust is a big component of a relationship and without it can cause a lot of strain on you and your boyfriend. Although, I understand why you feel that way especially because of what you’ve been through in the past. In a relationship you’re vulnerable, so I think those thoughts and feelings come up as a defence mechanism almost, to prevent you from getting hurt. I think if you still want to be with him, you should try going to couples therapy and also get treatment for your OCD and anxiety. You deserve to live a fulfilling life and not be bound by these thoughts

Ang1998

Date posted: 2y

@blazed I know! I have a therapist but I’m switching cause he gave me fluvoxamine and it made me nuts and then I got fluvoxatine and that seems to have worked a tad

Ang1998

Date posted: 2y

@blazed I don’t want to be a Ginae pig I want them to give me right meds the first time

blazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Ang1998 It takes a bit of trial and error to find the right medication. Have you tried Zoloft? It’s been effective for me.

Ang1998

Date posted: 2y

@blazed No but I’ll talk to my new psych about it I hear about it a lot. Not sure if they will give me it but I’m sure we could try

Ang1998

Date posted: 2y

I want to trust my boyfriend but my brain won’t allow me to. And I love him and it hurts

Ang1998

Date posted: 2y

He says that most likely they aren’t dangerous and just play hard because he grew up in the countryside in said country and so did they

Ang1998

Date posted: 2y

I feel like the only person I can trust is myself even though my boyfriend and o are alike with trauma

Mazy420

Date posted: 25w

Advice on this situation 😭

I’m at a loss about what to do. I’ve been with my partner for about a year. I’ve wanted to be with him for 3 years and now I finally have him, I got out of a really toxic 11 year relationship about 4 years ago so I’ve had plenty of time to heal, things where going so great at first in our relationship and I’m still very much happy with him, I love him more than anything, but the past 5 6 months I’ve been having a constant fear that he’s gonna cheat or watch 🌽behind my back any chance he gets , I know that’s a touchy subject for some, but me personally it just makes me feel that I’m not attractive enough,or feel like I’m not good enough, I’ve never found evidence of cheating, and I’ve found 🌽 in his history once but I told him how I felt and he told me he understood how I felt and wouldn’t do it again,and I know the constant asking everyday and needing for reassurance with it is putting a tear in our relationship, I just want to fix it. Does anyone have any advice on how to redirect my brain whenever I start overthinking about it when I’m not around him? It just puts so much stress on me when I’m not around him cause I’m just constantly in my head about it.

Relationship OCD

cam123

Date posted: 23w

Stressing about my relationship

Me and my boyfriend have only been together for a short period of time....and he's head over heels for me...at least he says so. All the time I'm so scared he's going to break up with me or any time something is uncomfortable I shut down and think I did something or he's thinking about me in a negative way and I don't know how to stop it. He doesn't do anything to seem like he wants to break up with me, but any time he does something a little different then normal I immediately think of the worst. If he's being really quiet I'll be thinking *is he going to break up with me* *does he not want to be with me* *is he just hanging out with me right now because he wants a girlfriend to pass the time* all of that stuff. And honestly I'm so scared..... because what if my thoughts are true?

🫧🩷🪷

Date posted: 18w

OMG CAN SOMEONE HELP ME please 😭💔

So I have POCD & now ROCD because I’m in my first relationship. My boyfriend is a few years older than me and was born and raised in Turkey before he came to the U.S. in his early 20s. I’ve read that Turkish culture takes pride in their children, with holidays such as Children’s Day, too. So they are used to bonding with children in a non-creepy way lol (I’ve seen it before, it is a *slight* cultural difference between my culture and his but it’s very sweet) I grew up SA’d as a child and I told my boyfriend, so he knows. Yet he’s said a few things that have caught me off guard. - When I told him there was a chance I was mleafed as a child, we were cuddling and he readjusted himself in a funny way before saying “sorry, I mlested you.” I let it go because English is not his first language and he was probably just trying to be funny to lighten the mood because I was crying and he might have thought that I interpreted him re-adjusting himself as him hitting on me. (Right?) Even when we have daily conversations, he doesn’t understand about 25% of what I say, and I don’t think he’s been learning English when it comes to any of these kinds of topics that I’m speaking about. Sometimes he says stuff just to say it. But still, he understood the context we were speaking in and still tried to make a “joke.” - When I talk to him about my nieces (who I loved and adore and whose mother refers to me as their second mother) he once said that they’ll love him because he s good with kids. Okay sure. Then he said “they’re gonna be like ouuuh, he’s so handsome!” and I was like?? Why are you thinking about that I’m so deeply upset. He’s my first everything. I grew up with my mom defending the monster that abused me & my sister and I always swore I was never going to be that. And I won’t. Sometimes I just can’t tell if I’m overthinking because of my OCD. Because it’s also very extreme to assume someone is a monster like this! But OCD is extreme! And so it’s so hard for me to understand. I’m heartbroken because I feel so vulnerable. He was all I had. Now I feel like I’m gonna f*ck him up if he’s any type of weird like I think he might be. I hate everything sm. All I wanted was someone who loved me, someone I could love, and I’m terrified that I might be with someone who’s sick in the head, just like my father. I feel like throwing up and raging.

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