I need help

Told my close friend about how I think I have harm ocd and showed a video describing her experience with it so I wouldn’t have to share mine. Told him how when I see the number 22 I get paranoid that I’ll harm someone, and he gave me advice to go to a psychiatrist then left me on read after we were having a conversation prior. I’m so scared to open up to people about it and now I don’t think I will again.

Very brief mentions of pocd and nsfw jokes,id like this to be adults only . Repost bc i had to edit something Does anyone have experience with real event ocd attached to your online footprint etc? I keep checking old messages,trying to find old people i knew i used to talk to etc. To find out every problematic thing I did and if I've ever been unfollowed or blocked by anyone I used to be friends w online/atleast on good terms w. I am particularly concerned abt doing something bigoted,esp racist bc i have racism ocd,and doing something predatory bc of my pocd. I remember hanging around people who could use 'edgy' or offensive humour in my teens and i remember a lot of sex jokes and that i would join in on sex jokes sometimes . i dont remember details w the offensive humour as much,i feel like i didnt join in on it as much but i was definitely WAY passive abt things and prob let a lot of bad stuff slide i shouldnt have bc i didn't speak up it was wrong,I remember one friend in an online community would say slurs and horrible jokes when i was 16. I dont remember my response to it as much but i feel i didnt speak up abt it aside one time i found in the dms where he made a bad joke on a thing i shared for social justice. I cant stop going thru old messages and stuff or trying to find ppl from the past. I feel like if I don't check it now,that eventually it'll come to haunt me or that I'll stumble across it eventually. I worry what if someone messaged me on one of these apps I un-installed or on one of the accounts I don't have access to,confronting me abt all this stuff I did. I had an obsession w this back in 2020 and did check in depth on all my accounts,but now that it's been 4 years the obsession is back in full swing.

I struggle with looking back at a past social media interaction and thinking catastrophically. It’s the worst because I’ve deleted my account and can’t go back and check.. which of course my OCD wants to do. It gets to the point where I’m scared something is going to come out and I’ll get arrested one day. It’s so scary! I feel like I don’t know what’s real and what’s not anymore.