HOCD: Groinal Responses

Hello, my name is Josephine and I suffer from HOCD. Please, do read below: I feel as though HOCD has its very own episodes, each one graver than the other. Sometimes I obsess over my reaction to the sound of the female voice, and at others I have insomnia incessantly overthinking whether I think breasts sensual. It’s unending. I like to think it’s like walking on a tight rope inexperienced. If you center your view on the precipice, you’ll tumble and fall, despite your expertise, experience, etc.; you’ll fall. To the contrary, if you seize the moment with confidence and doubtlessness, you’ll succeed. You’ll cross the rope with that intrinsic ease. And when you dissect the formula and the cause of the quandary, it all appears much more clearer. However, we insist on crossing the rope with all of our focus on the “temptation,” in order to prove ourselves our aptitude and expertise are suffice to cover the Sun with one finger. Now I find myself in an abyss of perdition because of my newfound “arousal” for breasts. Am I aroused by the sheer thought of two large breasts with nipples erected underneath a shirt, or am I aroused because of how I’d feel if I wore a shirt with two large breasts with nipples erected underneath? But what if I’m gay? What if I’ve been a closeted homosexual my entire life despite my inevitably evident exclusively heterosexual tendencies? What if I am converting to homosexuality? God, am I gay?! Could I be gay? What if- What if I’m not gay? What if this is all a fallacy of my mind? What if, for a sense of variation, I succumb all the compulsions? What if, instead of living aimlessly and scarcely touching life, I develop a new skill other than recapitulating my lifetime for any homosexual tendencies? What if I’m not in denial? What if, all those opposite-sex attractions, were, indeed, genuine; and these all fallacies of the mind? What if I’m straight? What if I’m actually not bi-sexual or gay? Could it be all this simple? It is all that simple. Utilize and invest all that willpower that lead the valiant in you to fall into that state of incertitude into recuperating. Stop overthinking it. You can do it. You can live as normally as you did then. You can date as normally as you did then. You are not gay. You are straight, in true. Please, do it. Leap forward. “One more compulsion” is interminable. Thank you for reading.