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I apologize if this is tmi, but i just looked at myself in the mirror naked and i look so fat. I feel so disgusted by myself and i keep getting these intrusive thoughts and racing thoughts telling me how ugly i am and how no one will ever find me attractive. I barely leave the house because of ocd and i use eating as a coping mechanism which i know is bad but thats how I gained weight. I feel so badddd, i cant take these feelings and thoughts anymore. It feels like i have 19282 people in my head that wont shut up. I cant sleep and i cant do anything. Im so done, when will this ever end. Im even sick of talkimg about it because im basically rehashing the same shit and im so done right now. Fuck this

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 2y

Hi Solaris thank you for sharing on here. Not at all TMI; this is where you can post and not feel judged. OCD likes to lie to us. There are many different exposures and skills that you will learn through ERP therapy. I encourage you to talk with a therapist who can assess and recommend the specific care you may need. Keep posting, writing or talking about all of this.

MintyMLP

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I don't know how much you weigh but you can be fat and still have people that find you attractive. You can also still be fat and feel good about yourself. I am fat and I have felt absolutely horrible about myself, especially as a teen. I still struggle with self-esteem, but I do feel pretty comfortable with who I am. I know that I am a worthy person and I know you are too. I know my boyfriend thinks I am physically attractive (and he is fat too and I still think he is physically attractive). I'm not trying to brag or something, I'm just trying to say that weight is irrelevant if you have a connection with someone, and you can still be pretty/handsome and fat. It's really hard but just work on taking care of yourself, physically and mentally and spiritually (not just religion but what really drives you as a person. I really love art and I feel like such a bigger person when I work on that). Set goals and work on them but don't beat yourself up if you don't do as well as you hope. Try to go outside even if it's just stepping out of the door and going back in and then working your way up. If you keep working on yourself, not only will you feel happy but you will shine from the inside out and that will draw others toward you, whether it's friendly or something more. It sounds like you are having a really rough time right now, so it's probably best to focus on the bare essentials above anything else: food, water, and rest. Sleep is so important to mental and physical health. It's also really tough to fix crappy sleep patterns. Here's what has helped for me: Having a job or other commitment where I need to get up at a certain time (there's even apps that you can set to pay money when you don't get up on time. Kinda silly but maybe it would work) I have racing thoughts before bed so getting in bed a little early and doing a relaxing activity helps. Setting night filters on my devices so I don't have blue light at night time When I feel anxious I search YouTube for "happy classical music" and turn that on Counting my breaths, counting by 7s, or imagining myself in a nice place Doing what I can to make my bedroom a place where I want to be. I put up string lights and have stuffed animals in my bed. Nice blankets and pillows are good too. If you can put in the effort to wash your sheets and blankets regularly (god knows I can't) it will make your bed feel fancier too This is probably all stuff you've heard 1000 times but I hope at least some of it helps. I just really related with your post and I hope things feel better for you soon.

Anonymous06

Date posted: 2y

@MintyMLP Honestly such helpful advice 💗 thank you for putting in the effort to write all of this

dee012

Date posted: 25w

Feels like idk myself:(

A little sad and down. I just feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I grew up with trauma, made mistakes, dealt and still deal with hyper sexuality, and my ocd is so bad. All of this makes me feel tainted, like a weird bad person. I hate being around people and even talking to therapist bc I feel like ive successfully fooled them. Also, I recently saw a POCD hate train on TikTok so now I just feel like a fraud. I get all these thoughts and feelings that im just using ocd as a mask because I actually am a bad person.. and that im some sicko or something, and also my brain tells me and I go back and forth with myself about “oh you just have morals because you don’t want to be shunned from society, and if you were to have no rules you would do disturbing things” and I know I wouldn’t, because I have morals now that are ingraved into me…I just want a normal life. I just want to feel normal. I tend to feel useless in this world, when I really want to do good things but I feel tainted and like I taint this world. I try not to let this consume me but it’s hard.. If you read this thank you. I know I am just in a funk right now but sometimes I wonder if it will be a forever funk… or that I need to “accept” im a bad person so that I can move on… which I won’t bc even if I am (maybe maybe not… I will never know with ocd) I wouldn’t want to be.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w

Life kinda just sucks right now 18+ only

Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.

Talia_Rae

Date posted: 16w

ROCD

I am at the point where I feel like I don’t even know myself anymore and have a really hard time explaining my thoughts and feelings. The thought that no one may ever be able to help me or understand me is blazing constant in my head. I don’t know if I will truly ever be happy, the dissatisfaction I have in my life is beyond words and I try to be happy but my mind is so toxic and ungrateful. I feel that I may never understand myself. Have been dealing with extreme intrusive thoughts in regards to my relationship, if my partner is for me, if I am the reason problems come up in my relationship, if I am overly sensitive causing arguments etc. I will have constant thoughts about other people in my head although I have a partner. A hyperactive imagination of others if you will or specific individuals in my life. I have a severely low sex drive. I have also noticed recently that my partner will say things that I don’t like but can’t tell if he’s the problem or if i’m the problem. If I like my partner anymore or if I don’t, can I see him in my future or not. When I am with him I enjoy being with him but there is always a thought in the back of my head of do I just like being around him as a friend because I am lonely or if I truly love them. It’s to the point where I question leaving them or not. My only issue is that I don’t want to leave but at the same time I have trouble feeling emotionally and sexually connected. I even pick at physical imperfections that they may have which to my true beliefs does not matter I will love them otherwise. We recently have been arguing a lot and I can’t tell if I am the problem or he is but it causes me a lot of stress because I feel misunderstood and feel like he wouldn’t understand me unless he was me. It can be hard explaining OCD to him because he is one of those people who loves to self help almost like a life coach, explains to me that anxiety doesn’t exist and that I can help myself or stuff along those lines. It hurts so bad because he doesn’t understand how hard it is for someone with OCD and how him saying things like that only makes it worse and makes me want to turn away from him in a way. I want to feel like I can talk to my partner and that I know for a fact is my true belief. I pray that God will heal me of this terrible disease. I feel I have turned away from the Lord so much because of how alone and misunderstood I feel with what feels like no change. When I’m in public I’ll look at a guy and feel as though because they looked at me back they will think I like them or that I may be interested even though i’m not. I obsess in my head sometimes about real people I know that are kit my partner and have just learned to accept that but it’s still disheartening to me. I understand the concept of being with a partner and still finding other people attractive without obviously doing anything about it and I try to remind myself of that. Please someone tell me this is OCD because the thought of it not is sickening. Another thing I do is compare myself to other girls my age almost that if i’m not as pretty as them im not pretty at all. To whom ever reads this please be very mindful of how you respond because I am triggered very easily. But I am so so lost.

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