Any tips on low self esteem?

I'm just sick of feeling like I'm below other people because of fuck ups that happened in the past. I'm just tired of comparing myself to others and I'm very sick of worrying about what people may think of me when they don't even know who they are and I don't know who they are. Why does this happen? It's very annoying to have thoughts like "Why aren't you in a relationship? All of your friends have someone, why not you" Deep down I just think, so the fuck what? It's not a bad thing to be single and relationships aren't exactly easy. I root for friends that are in relationships but this whole thinking process of "Why can't you get what they have?" Or "You're unlovable and won't get a relationship no matter how much you think about it" It's very unhelpful to be thinking about EVERYTHING like this. When I try to do some drawings, I'll enjoy it and have a good idea of how I want them to look, but then uh oh. Here's a dumb thought that goes "There's younger and older people that are way more talented than you are. Why don't you draw on the level they do?" I've had this problem of low self esteem and low self confidence for a while now. It's not like anyone has told me these things whatsoever. They just so happen to be in my own inner critic and it's infuriating.

Nica

Date posted: 2y

So, when you think, “So the fuck what if I’m single?” say it out loud to them. If they want to be rude and nasty, then tell them what you’re thinking. Is that petty and not nice? Definitely can be, but you’re also standing your ground and you’re putting your foot down. I’m more of an aggressive person compared to others when people try to come at me, so that’s just my opinion. Regarding intrusive thoughts trying to bring you down, don’t react to those and just let them be present without fighting them as you know, it’ll make those thoughts worse and more frequent. But those pop up because you care about building up your self esteem, so it’s attaching itself to that particular subject since you’re currently dealing with it.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

Thankfully people aren't telling me stupid shit like that but my own thoughts and inner voice are. I don't really know how to respond to the thoughts in a way that helps and doesn't make it annoying, and ignoring it only works for so long. What I do know is comparing myself to others over and over again never helps but I can't stop doing it even those moments come up

Drew777

Date posted: 2y

I have the same issue you have BigGip09. My self esteem is pretty low too. It used to be WAY worse, but it's improved since then, but is still lower than most people's I think. My therapist also told me he thinks I have DPD (Dependent Personality Disorder). He says that people who typically have low self-esteem have DPD. DPD is a type of anxious personality disorder. People with DPD often feel helpless, submissive or incapable of taking care of themselves. They may have trouble making simple decisions. But, with help, someone with a dependent personality can learn self-confidence and self-reliance. I think people with DPD are also very hard on themselves about things, like in your case you're hard on yourself about not being in a relationship. I was the same way for a long time about that same issue. But you're right, so what? Who says you have to be in a relationship? If you're happy being single then that's all that matters. And maybe someday you will find someone and be in a relationship with them, but there's nothing saying you HAVE to be in a relationship though. If there's a person in your life telling you that you have to, put them in their place. I mean, you don't have to be mean about it, but just tell them "hey, it's really none of your business if I'm in a relationship or not, that's my business.". I've been getting better at making decisions for myself and not needing someone else's advice or input to make a decision (when it comes to certain things anyway, not everything). It gets easier with time and effort. Anyway, I know I'm kind of rambling. Hope I could help some. Have a good day BigGip09! God bless!

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

Thanks. I have a little bit of trouble believing in and standing up for myself. I'm usually just quiet and keep to myself in public but talk out my thoughts out loud at times. I just don't feel comfortable when speaking to people all that much and when they do speak to me it can be a challenge sometimes. The worst is when someone is mad at me and I don't know why. I just shut down completely from that. I don't want to focus on relationships because it's not only something I'm not ready for but it's another example of my attention going to something I don't have just because others do. I just think that's bullshit personally, because I have dozens of things of my own and I never seem to give those things as much attention as these other things. I hate it when that happens. You're right about the part where I'm hard on myself. I can see that I am as well but it's hard to break the habits.

Drew777

Date posted: 2y

@BigGip09 I'm sorry, just to clarify, what do you mean by "I just think that's bs personally, because I have dozens of things of my own and I never seem to give those things as much attention as these other things.". You're saying you focus more on the things you don't want to focus on and less on the things you do want to focus on? I'm hard on myself too though, and you're right, it is hard to break out of the habits. I'm still working on breaking out of some if mine too. It just takes time. I also have trouble believing in and standing up for myself too.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

@Drew777 What I meant to say is that I wouldn't want to pursue a relationship just because all of my friends are in one and I feel like I need to do it to not feel peer pressure. What I'm also saying is that it isn't fair to the things I already have because I'm paying attention to something I don't have in contrast to all of the unique things that I have or had to be grateful for. Hope that makes sense. I would like to focus on the things I do have, enjoy the things I have in my life, rather than focus on things I don't have just because others do. I'm not saying I would never ever want a relationship, sure it would be nice. However, it isn't something I want to keep thinking about when I have no plans to really look for one since I don't think I'm ready for that kind of thing. The only reason it constantly comes up is because it links to feelings of low self esteem. I just want that to be better before anything. To be able to love myself and accept the things I may not like all that much. It's a lot of work

Drew777

Date posted: 2y

@BigGip09 Yeah, I understand what you mean, that all makes sense. And you're right, you shouldn't get into a relationship with someone just out of peer pressure. You should only get into a relationship when you're ready. Also, I think that is very mature that you want to improve your self esteem and accept the things about yourself that you may not like before focusing on a relationship. You're right, it is a lot of work. That's why you should spend your time focusing on the things you enjoy and that make you happy rather than focus on what you feel pressured by.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

@Drew777 Right now I'm just cutting off habits that make me feel bad about myself. Not OCD wise, but character wise. There are times where OCD shows up and will try to tell me things that aren't true and I just ignore it. I'm also trying to get more into art. It's also difficult for me to be fully engaged with one activity at a time

Drew777

Date posted: 2y

By the way, I'm not qualified in anyway whatsoever to say whether or not you have DPD. I was just mentioning it because your struggle with your intrusive thoughts reminded me of mine from awhile back. I just wanted to give some info from what I had learned through my journey with OCD.

flyana

Date posted: 23w

Where did my confidence go?

I am struggling to feel like I deserve any of the confidence I used to have. I’ve done a lot of pretty cool stuff in my life, and I used to think it was impressive. I was so proud, and I would light up when others gave me compliments. Now, it feels like all a lie, and I can’t stop thinking everyone would hate me if they knew the terrible things I’ve thought or said or done. I make art, for example, and I’ve had a lot of success with it. But now, I feel like others would troll me or destroy my work, and then tell everyone that anything I touch is trash. Basically, I fear being bullied for the mistakes of my past — or even just for my thoughts. My therapist keeps telling me I’m completely normal and I’m the only one beating myself up, but my OCD says, “No, she’s wrong — you should stop pursuing your dreams and push away anyone who likes you, because they’ll all hate you eventually.” I know it’s ridiculous, but it feels so real. Anyone have advice for rebuilding confidence in the face of OCD?

pakafitness

Date posted: 23w

Reacquiring thoughts that I’m not worth anything.

In the past, I have struggled with my self esteem, it has gotten much better though! Exercise, and lifestyle changes have helped more than self medicating. But the thoughts still happen more often then I would like, usually triggered by an argument with my partner, when certain friends text her, or overthinking too much. I also sometimes feel like she will leave me or cheat. Even though we are open and honest with each other. How can I help control these thoughts?

OCD newbies

Kai S.

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 20w

No redeeming qualities (long vent)

This is just a vent. Feels nice to just be honest about who I am and my deficiencies. Mental health advocates are always like "you deserve to live no matter what" and I'm like "bet lol" I am not a good person whose presence has any positive impact on the world. I'm not evil, just useless without having the excuse of depression or whatever (it's anxiety based but again who gives a shit). If I were to go away, I wouldn't be missed because I contribute nothing of note. If we did not live in the US where you can get by without being socially accepted as long as you have loving parents, I would either be dead or would have stepped up and might actually be a valuable member of society (like between being dead and pushing through my anxiety I would probably choose the latter lol). Interpersonally, I have no redeeming qualities. No I'm not one of those people who says that shit and then lists all the ways they're actually decent but just have low self-esteem, I'm genuinely useless. I'm unreliable when it comes to group projects and my job, usually doing the bare minimum or less than that. When it comes to my work in general, I tend to drop the ball, often waiting till the last minute to get started on it, turning it in late, or simply not turning it in at all. I make promises about the things I will do and then don't do them. I also lack initiative and just follow orders. Socially, I don't have any friends and don't make an effort to try to gain any - I tend to act distant in social interactions and don't join in when people are having group conversations. I'm a talented artist, but the only work I've ever shown others in the last few years has been shoddy, amateurish, and completely unreflective of my abilities, and I've never been complimented for it lol. How do I feel about all this? Pretty freaking bad, yet I make no effort to change. I'm afraid of most things so I avoid them, screwing up my own life and negatively affecting other people's as well. Despite all this, I have this desire to be accepted by someone else as I am. The fact that I accept myself shows that it's possible, I guess (you could argue that I don't have a choice but I definitely chose to be okay with myself after years of self-loathing). I have a shit-ton of flaws and nothing to really offset them - I mean I'm self-aware but I think self-awareness is completely useless if you don't do anything about what you've observed in yourself, and less self-aware people are able to take more risks - and I just have this fantasy of someone showing up and looking at all that I am and being like "you have contributed literally nothing to society and you have no redeeming qualities but I accept you as you are and love you, for no reason other than I just do." But based on the comics I've read this can only happen if you're childhood friends who've known each other for a long time lol. No reason someone's gonna want to be friends with some random person who leaves a poor first impression and doesn't do anything to further the relationship. The plus side of this is that I have a /lot/ of room for growth, lots of things to change that could make me a better person. The negative side is that it is still just as hard to not be avoidant af as it was yesterday

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Any tips on low self esteem?

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