story time!

i’m curious to see how OCD kicked in for other people. in retrospect, it’s easy for me to see times before i was diagnosed where i was obviously struggling with a theme. i’ve always been an anxious overthinker and i’d tell my friends offhandedly that my brain fixates on things for weeks at a time before it passes, but until the Big One, i was never so crippled with anxiety that it made me dysfunctional and completely disconnected. that was until my last theme hit, started by a friend who was making an innocent comment about my dating habits. it was like a bomb was set off in my brain. the anxiety was so acute i felt like vomiting. i was an insomniac for about three months. it was awful. when i stumbled across an article on OCD, i sobbed for finally having an explanation. and when i was diagnosed i told my therapist i think i lied (LMAO). so what about you guys? what was the theme that finally made you realize you had OCD and how old were you? looking back, did you recognize early signs or was it a sudden onset?

Username: doinghardthingsdoinghardthings

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

I knew something was wrong when I had my first episode with what seems to have been soocd when I was 13 and it was quite the decline for me until I was 19 and discovered that it was even a thing. I didn’t get a diagnosis or access to specialized OCD treatment until last month, and I’m 26. I’ve always been an over thinker and described as too sensitive. I think looking back now on when I was younger than 13, there were otherwise unexplainable things I did too. I remember in about 2nd grade I saw a book or a poster or something with wild tropical spiders and I did NOT like the spiders. Somehow that turned into a fear that these spiders from the remote tropical rainforest or whatever could crawl up in my bed at night and poison me (?) so the solution was that I curled into a ball and fell asleep on the top half of my bed (?) as if there was some invisible barrier preventing these spiders from showing up in the suburbs and attacking me at night.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

@doinghardthings I was the same way but with tsunamis, my grandmothers house which was only a block more eastward to my own house made me feel safer. As if somehow a tsunami were to reach Philly and stop just before my grandmothers house. Crazy how the brain does that.

Username: ocdgirl123ocdgirl123

Date posted: 2y ago

@doinghardthings i had a very similar fear with tornadoes!! it made me borderline agoraphobic as a child

Username: doinghardthingsdoinghardthings

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

@nonny12 Thank you both for sharing! It’s validating to hear that other people have had similar experiences.

Username: Phillip91Phillip91

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

Trigger warning: For me it was a depressive episode my partner was going through. She had a really bad low changing medication and asked if I’d forgive her if she took her own life. I told her that the suicidal thoughts were just thoughts and a side effect of the medication change. After she got better my mind became obsessed with not understanding how thoughts work and what thoughts I’m creating vs. anxiety or my brain. I’d read about anxiety for hours trying to figure out why I was feeling anxious - which was making me anxious. It became a vicious loop that ended with all these existential questions. Eventually I googled my existential fears and found that it could be OCD, which I had never thought of before. That led me to NOCD and treatment :) When I told my friends and parents I had OCD they were all like, “well yeah, we could have told you that.” Looking back a lot of obsessive episodes make sense now. Wish I found out sooner!

Username: ocdgirl123ocdgirl123

Date posted: 2y ago

@Phillip91 oh my goodness i got that same response😭 i told a friend of mine i potentially had ocd and she said “yeah that explains everything about you” 😭😭😭 im glad you found your way to treatment!!

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

I’ve had memories as far back as I can remember (5 maybe?) revolving around the disorder. I was too young to recognize the feeling as anxiety and I never know to tell anyone but looking back that was a lot of emotion for a child to deal with.

Username: ocdgirl123ocdgirl123

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous yes!! i remember my first panic attack but being too young to recognize it as a panic attack

Username: NicaNica

Date posted: 2y ago

My mom noticed it when I was 4 years old.

Username: ocdgirl123ocdgirl123

Date posted: 2y ago

@Nica i didn’t find out until i was 21 but looking back i definitely see signs in childhood too. i had horrible emetophobia and some magical thinking

Username: Hl6

Date posted: 5y ago

What is your OCD story? I’m curious to hear about what other people’s journeys with OCD have been like. When you were diagnosed/what kind of treatment you have tried/what kind of OCD or symptoms do you have/what has helped you most? For me personally I don’t have a lot of people that I feel comfortable sharing my journey with in real life so I like having the chance to let it out on another platform. I’d love to hear whatever you are willing to share. I’ll start by sharing my journey. I was first diagnosed with and treated for OCD when I was seven (12 years ago). It started when my parents noticing that I was constantly smelling and washing my hands. I also worried a lot about my family’s safety and had a lot of magical thinking: I couldn’t throw anything away, had special walking rituals, had to touch things certain ways, etc. When I got to high school my symptoms got worse. I was re-diagnosed with OCD, dermatillomania, social anxiety, generalized anxiety, panic disorder, and depression. My OCD had morphed into just right/perfection obsessions (took me hours to do a simple homework assignment and I spent hours per day reviewing my interactions to look for mistakes), contamination OCD (couldn’t go outside, in my car, downstairs in my home, etc.), magical thinking OCD (knocked on wood over 60 times per day), health OCD, fears of losing control and intrusive thoughts. My life was consumed by my disorders so I entered a partial hospitalization program for OCD for 12 weeks. Two years later I was still struggling to function. I felt like I had tried everything. intensive ERP, 13 different medications, 11 different mental health specialists so I decided to enter residential OCD treatment. I was there for 3 months. It helped a lot to have the intensive ERP and 24/7 staff support. I got also got a much better grasp on my issues. I still struggle but I know how to deal with my obsessions and compulsions. I doubt anyone made it this far but if you did thank you for your time. I’m definitely interested in reading other people’s stories no matter how short or long they are :). Have a great day.

Username: BlueGemini

Date posted: 3y ago

When and how did you first discover you may have OCD? I'm beginning to think OCD is one of the most understudied, misunderstood mental health issues ever. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder about 6 years ago after I started suffering from panic attacks, but only just recently discovered my condition could be much more specific than that. I've been suffering from intrusive thoughts and complusions since I was a teenager with a variety of themes. And honestly this app and amazing community has opened my eyes to it. I'm curious if anyone else has had an experience like mine where they were just thrown into the general diagnosis category of just having anxiety and/or depression and is only just now coming to terms with having OCD? What has been your experience with the therapists on this app? I'm using another popular, pricey app for talk therapy at the moment, but so far 4 therapists have ghosted me on it so my confidence is feeling pretty shot. Has talk therapy and working with a therapist on here been successful for you?

Username: anonempath

Date posted: 3y ago

for those with sexual orientation ocd.. if you are comfortable sharing (and if you remember), what was the moment/person/place/etc. that first triggered your sexual orientation ocd? i’m just genuinely curious and want to see if there are any patterns. for me it was the summer before my freshman year of high school (i am currently 21). i was going to a pride parade with some family friends and was texting a guy that i ended up dating for a while. to be quite frank, he was a total idiot. he asked what was up and i told him that i was going to a pride parade with some friends. his immediate response was “wait does that mean that you are gay??”. i remember that i got this weird sensation of panic after i read that text. and his question like stayed lingering in my mind for longer than it should have. long story short, my sexual orientation ocd really kicked in halfway through my freshman year of high school..but i didn’t realize that that was what it was until about 2 years ago.

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