anxiety and ocd

how do i know if i'm challenging anxiety or harming myself?

@redmuse22 I like that last part that you said. I have an urge to email some other guy that I don’t have any contact or relationship with whatsoever and only had one date because of an obsession. I know it’s because I can also get high off of sending the email but deleting it before it actually sends because I have accomplished something so “risky”. But at the same time, it doesn’t really make sense for me to do that, it’s not like it’s a daily routine for me or it’s something I usually come across. I never come across that and it’s not a requirement from work or from anything else for me to email that guy. But knowing I get anxiety and relief right after from that “dare” my mind made up, I avoid my work email as well so I don’t feel the urge at all which is a compulsion itself. So I got confused, do I need to email that guy then? Is that the exposure? Considering what you said, this is something that might harm my reputation, work, and also my relationship/marriage. So this will NOT help my OCD or anxiety. This is how I know which one is which.

@redmuse22 I am working on this with my therapist, but my guess is to not email the guy (not engaging in the compulsion) and to stare at me work email (exposure maybe? And to avoid the compulsion of avoiding it)

@redmuse22 That said, it’s still not easy for me because I still feel the urge and anxiety and my desire for that relief. OCD is still bugging me.

@giuseppe If possible, it can be good to get an outside perspective such as a trusted friend or your therapist while you are learning to unravel whats "reasonable" and whats not. Some ways I try to figure it out for myself: Ask what is the benefit. By going to social media, are you trying to learn more about a special interest/hobby, are you participating in a group event (ex. a stream), or are you scrolling to stay busy and just fill time. The first two I would say aren't self harm. The last one isn't inherently harmful, but something to limit. 10 minutes of scrolling can be relaxing. An hour probably isn't and might be getting into avoidance. Oh, picking fights and going into threads that you KNOW will piss you off is generally self harm imo because there isn't a construtive end goal or enjoyment. Obviously each situation is different, but generally asking WHY you are doing something and asking WHAT you gain are good starting points. ACT therapy can be a good supplement to ERP. It asks you to define values you want to live by. You can also apply it here. If say, you have a value of kindness, is kindness cultivated more by scrolling Facebook or by spending time with a loved one. Sorry, a bit of a ramble there lol but generally its GOOD if you're uncomfortable in pursuit of some sort of goal, whether thats to be comfortable with being alone with your thoughts or overhauling your social life.

@redmuse22 i really appreciate your advice, thank you a lot :)

@SofiaLovedAndHealed OCD is so demanding! It can be hard to not give in when it is insistent. It sounds like NOT emailing him is the right thing, especially if thats a compulsion for you (if I'm understanding your situation correctly). I'm not sure what the best exposure might be for that, its not the kind of compulsion I've had personally. The closest I can think of is getting into online debates/fights that make me mad 😂 I've tried to just not engage by not continuing to read, but a few times I have read and then made myself NOT reply even though I really wanted to be the one to be "right" or "fix things". So perhaps looking at his profile (?) and then choosing to click off after X time might be a good exposure? It sounds like a good topic to keep working on with your therapist. Just the fact that you're pausing and considering before going to act on your compulsion is great progress. I believe in you 😊