Hi all! I’ve been doing really well with my OCD, but I’ve been in a flair up the last few days and it’s so uncomfortable and distressing. It’s so hard to remember that I’m strong when OCD is so loud.
Remember what you just said. It’s uncomfortable. Not life threatening, not fatal, not life altering but uncomfortable. That it is. It sucks. It takes our safety, space, and comfort. But it thrives to be front and center, a hearty fire with plenty of self supplied fuel. Starve that fire, but never think you can extinguish it. A brain is like a hard drive - you need to allocate space to let it hum in the background. Let the voices fight: the worried, the condescending, and the rational. Have at it. Easier said then done. Have had OCD for over 50 years. New thoughts take over old ones - they’re all yammering for a platform. Turn the what ifs into so what’s. Trust me - my fears over 5 decades never, NEVER came to fruition. It takes on new thoughts, new dimensions that get a physical reaction and when it does OCD says YES, I got her. I’m somatic and pure O. All the torture is in my head, not in my physical world. Is it scary? Yes! Is it terrifying? Yes! Is it uncomfortable? Yes! Is it fatal? No. Is it life threatening? No. Is it REAL? NO! It’s a lying, deceiving disease. Does it suck? Hell yes! But it’s a part of you, and the more you deny it the space to let it chatter away, the more you unintentionally feed it.
Since I've started facing the OCD and fighting back my themes and intrusive thoughts (i have pure 0)...ocd has been louder.. I've gotten physically exhausted although mine is in my mind. Yesterday was tough for me.. I was driving and a lot of pedestrians were passing close to me car and jaywalking etc.. I got anxious throughout... Even when I reached home.. Anxiety went up for at least an hour (before this would take me days and weeks) I decided not to give in to OCD from the learnings of my therapist and literally said.. I don't care OCD.. Going to watch my movie.. I can't think about it right now and im not worrying about this... It's been difficult but every time I worry i just feel making ocd stronger.. So Im trying to fight back against ocd with the help of my therapist
Thank you so much for your responses. You reminded me of the strength that I do have in me. I want my strength to overcome my fear. I’m doing my exposures and I’m determined to turn my OCD down so I can get back to me.
Today i went back driving again... Still anxious from the day before.. But i went out of my way to unfamiliar roads to get home... Because I knew that would bug my OCD... Sure enough the familiar anxiety... People crossing close to my car.. I knew it would come .. I. Said yes.. There's a chance I could hit someone but im a good driver But anything can happen and leaned into that uncomfortable uncertainty... But guess what? The anxiety took less time to disappear tonight... Also i have social anxiety and i mingled freely this evening refusing to acknowledge OCD this evening.. Turned out to be a good evening :)
I'm struggling with a lot of doubts today, but trying the best I can to keep on living my life 🥲 I'm on 150mg of Sertraline right now, and honestly, I'm feeling a lot better than before. Do I still get triggered? Yes! But I'm handling it easier. The only issue is, I feel like I'm obsessing over recovering? Not if I'm doing it "right," but more so getting to a point where I feel "perfect." That's not possible, I know. Even before OCD spiraled out of control, I struggled with other issues on a daily basis. But life felt simpler back then, and I didn't have this magical (and annoying) ability to remember every single bad thing that's ever happened to me or every single intrusive thought I've ever had in extreme detail 😭 Whenever I'm feeling okay, I can not help but think, "Remember how bad it was (insert time-frame)?" And then my mind zip zaps through every instance I've ever felt anxiety, like...? I don't even know if it's me doing this or if its OCD, but it frustrates me so, so much when it happens. Anyway, that's all for now... If anyone can relate, we're in this together 🤍 Hang in there!
I am (or was)! Yesterday, I started to get really anxious for unknown reasons, and then (just my luck) I got triggered by something online 😭 It's always so... humbling. I'm trying to sit with the intrusive thoughts at this moment, but I'm just feeling really icky and a bit down. With OCD, it's bound to happen at some point, I guess. Even without OCD, you're going to have good and bad days. It's just how life is 🥲 I'm just afraid of being slingshot back to how I felt a few months ago, which I know realistically WON'T happen, but my brain doesn't want me to think logically lol. I'm also afraid that the repetitive nature of OCD intrusive thoughts will somehow alter who I am as a person, making my fears a reality? It's weird. Classic OCD, but it still makes me anxious! I have been doing better not engaging with these thoughts, but occasionally, I'll accidentally argue back. It doesn't help because then my brain says, "You're just in denial, and you're actually a bad person!" And whenever I say anything in opposition of something against my morals, it feels performative or fake for some reason 🫠 I'm just venting at this point, I'm sorry! Anyway, if anyone reads this, I hope you're doing okay, and if not, I hope things look up soon. Take care of yourselves, stay hydrated, and rest well!
I had a really stressful couple of weeks and it's all hitting me right now. I cannot for the life of me shut off my brain my thoughts for a little and it feels like drowning. It's 1 a.m. here and I'm feeling completely hopeless like this feeling is going to last forever. I'm feeling like I can't use the tools I've been given my my psychologist and my meds feel like they've stopped working. I feel like by the end of the end I'm going to lose my mind. I usually am able to find some silver lining but today has been so bad. Everything triggers me and I have really bad intrusive thoughts about dying and finding some peace but I know that's not what I want. It's just so difficult navigating life when your brain works against you. I'm so tired and defeated and I feel like I have no one to turn to, but even that is some form of reassurance and it makes me spiral that I decide actively against it. I just feel like I'm losing my mind and I'm going "insane" from the distress. All my failed friendships and relationships have come back to haunt me and I feel like I can't get out of the house. All my sort comings are layed out in front of me and I feel like I am the worst person in the world and nothing will fix that. I have some real bad thoughts about my friends and family. And I know alla of this is classic symptoms of OCD but even though I know I can't rationalize and come to peace with them. I'm so envious of people being able to lead a normal life without this burden and in my mind it's just highlights all my shortcomings. I've had moments like this before but the last really nasty one was four years ago when I was yet undiagnosed and I really felt insane back then. I was hoping that when this happened to me again I'd be more capable of handling it but I don't think I am. I'm constantly on a battle against my mind and some times I win and sometimes I lose. I'm sorry for the rant I just feel extremely hopeless right now.
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