I keep having intrusive thoughts about my partners past. He has said he has never cheated. I believe him but feel like I need 100% proof to back it up. I'm also worried about finding out he has cheated in his past. I have snooped in the past and found no evidence of him cheating, so is it irrational that I'm still obsessed by it? (My ex cheated)
The need for 100% proof keeps us in an unhealthy mindset. We need to act despite the small amount of uncertainty that's left. We need to conquer that uncertainty. You can invest in the relationship, you can be open about OCD and your obsessions, you can "snoop" and check their social media - but you'll never know for 100% sure. We need to *accept* that and act and live despite it. That is where true peace comes from OCD. Good luck you got this!
I find it hard to let go. I suppose I feel like if I try to ignore it, I'm lying to myself or ignoring my instincts- but then I suffer with anxiety so wonder if it is gut instinct at all, or me just feeling I can protect myself by looking for any possible problems. Does this make sense?
Actually, snooping, checking, asking for reassurance, and many other things, are compulsions that keep the obsession alive. I have been there (an still am, but way much less). Two years ago i would gave very vivid intrusive images of my girlfriend cheating (and/or getting raped), if she had to go abroad for work. I tried to become aware of my compulsions and tried not to perform them. Previous week, she had to go to Denemark for three dans (we live in the Netherlands), tonight she flies for a six day vacation with her sister, and next week she will be in Finland on her own for three days. I have not felt anxious for a second, and the images that do pop up i see as thoughts without any meaning. I have been cheated on as well. I am sharing this, to give you hope that you can beat this. You really can. And the way to go is to do less (compulsing), not more. It's difficult, because it feels scaryto give up control and to let go, but the freedom you feel after a while, that is truly breath taking:-)
Thank you Did you have a hard time letting go of engaging with the intrusive images? Did you feel you were lying to yourself or dismissing genuine reasons of concern? I suppose what I'm asking is Did you ever find it confusing to tell the difference between a genuine or made up threat/ sign?
I struggle with something similar to this! I worry that my partner is currently cheating even though it completely goes against his character and I’ve also never found any evidence of him cheating. But no matter what I don’t feel better about it because I feel like I need 100% proof. It’s exhausting
I know how you feel. It's like you know you should let it go, but feel like you are lying to yourself and trying to convince yourself there isn't a problem. Like people will say things like trust your gut, so I feel this adds to the confusion and makes you not want to let it go
Oh yeah, i found that extremely hard (and still do actually). I think i need to tell a bit of my past. My partner and me are together for three years now. She is the most loyal person you can think of. She never did something to be genuinly anxious about. The mother of my kids fell in love with her boss. This lasted for 1.5 years during our marriage. The last 4 months they were actually physically intimate. I did see some genuine signs then, asked about it, but she said nothing was going on. This is 10 years ago now. In the meantime i have had a 5.5 year relationship, two in between relationship periods and ocd being in the forefront without me knowing it, u til 1.5 years ago. So in my current relationship i absolutely know for sure that all my reasons for concern were due to my ocd. Ok, thats the objective situation. Still some times even not that long ago, anxiety could get so overwhelming, and ocd could convince me so convincingly that it was genuine, that ocd argued the anxiety out of my head, to be substituded by the utter certainty that i wanted to break up the relationship. I feit utterly calm and cold in those moments. Ocd stage 2.0 i call that now. A very long story short is that i still find it very confusing to tell the difference. But i do not fuel the obsessions anymore (or not that much), by trying to stay out of these mental processes, and by going back to usual business. It feels like there is some basic self trust and convidence that i can handle it, even if i feel this pulling towards the rabbit hole becoming stronger. Does this make sense? It is a choice: it may or may not be genuine what i feel now. I may never know and thats ok. Back to business ;-)
My brain feels so loud like I’m getting thoughts about my partner cheating on me and I hate it I know he would never but my thoughts keep coming up like every time his phone goes off my intrusive thoughts is like what is it’s a girl or something like that and it’s horrible because I’m not the sort of person to think these sort of things like he loves me so much and I love him so much and my thoughts are making me analysis everything he does and it’s stressing me out can someone help me please!
i have been so scared of my partner cheating and we have been with each other for almost 2 years , it went to the point where i would randomly check his phone and i would find nothing. i don’t have any intuition about this just anxiety. also because he cheated in the past with his past relationships but he told me it was because he was younger, didn’t love them and didn’t stay with them for longer than a few months. he says he truly loves me and respects me too much to do that to me. but those are just words. and i used to find comfort in not finding anything in his phone. but now i realize is someone is texting you , you can delete the messages as soon as they come. also i used to find comfort in me being all over his social media and his whole family knowing us. but some girls are okay with being side pieces. and some family members could cover up for their blood. so i’m freaking out , not knowing what or who i could trust. i love him to death but theres no way for me to know what he’s doing. but i guess what i’m really asking is , is it possible for someone who used to always cheat to not cheat in a different relationship with someone they love? for me i have no doubt he loves and cares about me but if he cheats then he doesn’t respect me and thats not the love that i want. and i am scared to death. thoughts pls?
Has anyone else experienced a huge fear of being cheated on & then obsessing over if it is a gut feeling or that little voice in your head that comes along with OCD that just won’t shut up?? Something as simple as finding one of my in-laws shirts that has been used as a rag & covered in oil/ grease in my partners vehicle has sent me spiraling down a hole of “what if” it belongs to another girl, or a girl he’s slept with in the past? Did he cheat on me? Is he lying to me? Although I know the logical answer I still can’t stop asking for reassurance. He’s treated me well and there hasn’t been any indication of him even wanting to cheat. In return I just get mad at the reassurance because “what if” he is lying? I’m frustrated with myself and struggling. This is causing such a strain on my life and in my relationship. Any advice would help.
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