Username: Catlove9

Date posted: 2y ago

I need guidance

Recently I’ve been stuck in this very odd and different feeling. I feel like I’m losing my identity. It feels like everything I ever wanted like a career, relationship etc., is something I no longer want and my fear is I want to be what my obsessions are. It’s really freaking me out because it feels so real. It feels like I don’t even know who I am anymore. It feels like I’m turning into this horrible monster and that the thoughts are just overtaking me. I don’t know how to get out of this. Please send any helpful guidance.

Username: HipHopAnonymous🦛 HipHopAnonym...

Date posted: 2y ago

It’s normal for the things we want out of life to change. It’s even normal for us to not know what we want. Could be that you’ve seen the ‘why’ behind some of your desires and you no longer identify with those needs. It’s also possible that your obsessions are impacting your self concept negatively to where you feel the things you wanted are unattainable or that you’re unfit for them, etc. It’s impossible to say from here. Regardless of why your goals have changed though, it is normal. These transitions can be scary times as they can leave you feeling aloof and untethered. But they don’t mean you want to go off and become some sort of deviant. Even if you don’t know what you want, you probably know what you don’t want. So your values are intact. Live by them.

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 2y ago

@Agent C I understand. It can be a real challenge to follow your values when OCD has you questioning them.

Username: HipHopAnonymous🦛 HipHopAnonym...

Date posted: 2y ago

@Catlove9 For sure. But whatever it takes for you to meet and overcome that challenge, you have it in you. Good luck!

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 2y ago

@Agent C Thank you!

Username: Patchy-sunsetPatchy-sunset

Date posted: 2y ago

I feel exactly like you 😥

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 2y ago

@zama green I’m sorry you’re going through this too. It really sucks.

Username: CisforcaroCisforcaro

Date posted: 2y ago

This is another one of OCDs many tricks. I'm going through something similar right now, but it is just another thing OCD does to hurt you.

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 2y ago

@Cisforcaro It’s crazy how real it feels!

Username: Melanie DideriksenMelanie Dide...

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 2y ago

First of all, I’m sorry that you are experiencing this. OCD is hard. You can see by the comments that you are not alone. Remember giving into compulsions makes OCD stronger and perpetuates the cycle. Compulsions can even be rumination (trying to analyze or figure out why you don’t want those things anymore). Instead use some responding (Response Prevention Messaging) that allows you to sit with that uncertainty. For example say “Maybe my identity is changing” or “I may or may not have to go for some time without feeling like I know who I am”. These messages will not make you feel better. In fact your anxiety may get higher, but you’ll start to notice the more you respond with messages like these OCD will weaken and you will be on the right path! Hope this helps, and hope you are set up with one of NOCD’s trained ERP therapists.

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 2y ago

@NOCD Therapist - Melanie D. Thank you so much for this. It’s very helpful!

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

@Catlove9 I’m so scared of response prevention messaging because i keep trying to tell myself “maybe you’re a murderer maybe you’re not” and i feel like have little to no anxiety. Like in my mind i say but no i don’t want to be a murderer. Is this considered anxiety? Because that’s about the only thing that happens, i don’t get physical anxiety all that much maybe i breath heavier but i don’t get a lot of physical anxiety. And it makes me truly feel like a bad person because im not reacting enough. or ERP because what if it gives me ideas. Like my fear is becoming Dahmer so as an exposure it would be watching him or the show. But like what if It gives ideas instead of giving me anxiety? Trust me I’ve been avoiding anything to do with that show i have never watched it but what if i don’t get anxiety from watching it?

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anon17 I think that is all related to OCD. maybe you won’t get anxiety. But the fact you’re trying to figure out if you would, points to OCD! I’m in the same boat. It was really hard to watch an interview with him as an exposure. It started making me feel so uncomfortable. OCD doesn’t always cause anxiety. It can cause guilt, disgust, and overall uncomfortableness.

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

@Catlove9 Thank you. I’m just so nervous that I’m not feeling anything. Like right now I feel like I’m freaking out but am i really. Like what if i have no idea who i even am and just do what my intrusive thoughts are saying. Like I think I’m scared but am i really? Do the thoughts make me as uncomfortable like i think they do? My head feels so heavy, i can’t stop thinking about being a bad person. Like you said before it feels like I’m morphing into being a bad person. I don’t know what to do

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anon17 Have you started ERP?

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

@Catlove9 I’m trying to do the mental response in my head such as “maybe you’re a killer maybe you’re not”. “Maybe you like it maybe you don’t”. “Maybe you are like Dahmer maybe you’re not. But it is very difficult because right now I’m struggling with not feeling anxiety. So if i sit here and tell myself “maybe you’re a killer” i hardly feel anything. I do get worked up but not like used to and that makes me nervous. All that happens when i say make maybe not is i tell myself but no i don’t want that and i would never want that. It’s so scary. Like i know people say that this is how you get better but how am i supposed to be okay with “maybe” being a killer. Especially when everything. Feels so real at the moment

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anon17 I deal with the same thing. I do the “yah, maybe” thing and I know I’m supposed to leave it at that but then I can’t help but to continue to think about it, which then makes me worried it’s what I really want.

Username: ocdgirl123ocdgirl123

Date posted: 2y ago

i’m going through this exact same thing. i feel like i don’t even know what i want anymore

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 2y ago

@nonny12 Me too. It’s horrible. I always wanted the same thing and now it feels like all of a sudden it changed.

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

Me 100% word for word. I’ve was so excited for my career about 2 months ago now i don’t even know who i am. It feels so real. Like I’m sitting here telling myself no I don’t want my thoughts but it’s not working. Because they overtake everything i say to myself and it’s beyond scary. What if i just do something horribly Wrong and not realize that it is wrong.

Username: Catlove9

Date posted: 1y ago

Does not feel like OCD

I am not sure how to even describe what I am going through. And even typing this, I feel like a liar and feel like this is not even OCD. I have Harm OCD. I have had the thoughts, urges, and images. It has felt so real and so scary. I have been able to use ERP for all of that and was mainly successful. But now something new is happening and it does not feel like it is OCD. I cannot even put into words what it feels like, but I will try. It feels like the thoughts have overtaken me and now I’m this evil person who will act on the thoughts. My anxiety is not super high, which scares me because it feels like I have gone too far into the dark side. It feels like I have had these thoughts too long and they are all I can think about. It feels like I’m no longer myself and my identity has changed. I feel very weird. Like not even myself. It feels like there is this dark cloud following me and I try to use ERP but it does not feel like it is working. Not sure if I am ruminating or not because I have no idea what is even going on. I am living my life still, but it feels like it is just a matter of time until I snap. I am very scared right now because I’m not sure what this means and I cannot figure it out. I wish I could explain it perfectly but I do not even know how to put it into words.

Harm OCD

Username: Layla32

Date posted: 50w ago

How do you deal with derealization?

I just want to obsess and attach a whole story. What if I’m stuck this way. What if I go crazy and can’t remember what I’ve done. What if I stop loving God and turn to new age and I become evil and start hurting people. I just can’t. I have never thought I was evil. My entire life until I had my daughter and my mind told me she was of the devil. I was so mad at myself. How could I think about my precious gift this way? And now I’m so clueless as to why I even exist and how could this happen. It’s like nothing is real an tangible anymore. I feel like everything is such a blur in this life. I want God to be real. He has always been my whole life. It even makes 100% sense to me at the same it doesn’t 😭 I didn’t waver on my beliefs at all before this kid and it’s like me thinking about her like that has caused me so many problems along with horrible side effects from meds that made me see things in slow motion. I’m in therapy but it’s take so long to heal and for me to love my life and me again. I feel like I look at my self and think. You can’t trust you anymore. This world too has turned upside down to me. I am just so heartbroken. I want to be a good person an it seems like I’m going to turn evil any second and I’ve never been purposely evil or mean to anyone. I got bullied as a kid. 😢. I feel like I’m losing my identity an understand who I am.

Username: Bridget11

Date posted: 40w ago

Feeling lost

I’m not 100% sure that I have OCD, but I do have PTSD and some new intrusive thoughts were triggered a couple weeks ago. It feels like they have changed my whole perception of my life since then. Every experience that should be fun or relaxing is tainted with the horrible dread I feel when these thoughts creep in. I was really enjoying my life for a while before these new thoughts started and it feels like I have lost contact with that version of myself and my life. I’m afraid of these thoughts tainting things that I want to stay good and pure. I’m just feeling really lost about how to soothe myself and dig out of this

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