How do I let go of this?

I'm still so fixated on the event that happened two days ago where my elbow brushed up against a woman's butt when zipping up my backpack. It doesn't seem serious to other people and I may be blowing it out of proportion. I don't want something like that to happen again, and I HATE when I have triggers relating to anything sexual in the wrong way. I'm just trying to let go of this and hope it never happens again because it was so awkward. I hate that I didn't move my arm as it happened and I hate that I didn't say sorry. What I hate the most is thoughts saying I wanted it to happen or planned it. If that were the case, i don't think I'd be THIS bent out of shape over something like this. So I get that this bothers me, I get that I don't want it to happen again, and I get that this resurfaced pretty much all the things I tried to work against and completely put me at my lowest point. I just want to let go of this.

Real Events OCD

seagull2

Date posted: 2y

Like with all OCD types, there's not really a way to let go of it by rationalizing. There won't be a way to reassure that will ultimately do anything

seagull2

Date posted: 2y

So you're going to have to sit with the anxiety and not do compulsions like ruminating despite how hard it is

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

Yeah it's very hard. I'm constantly fixated on solving whether I wanted that to happen or not, and I don't think I can get to an answer. Even if I did want say yes or no it won't stop. And I acknowledge that I feel horrible about it and wouldn't want it to repeat. So I guess that's kinda my answer? Sitting with it is the worst part.

seagull2

Date posted: 2y

@BigGip09 It sucks so much man. I've been going through awful REOCD these past few months myself and it causes me to put everything I thought I knew in life to question. I'm getting treatment again soon because there is no way I can live the rest of my life like this. My point is that I'm right there with you. My parents would reassure me til they're blue in the face and it's still never enough. I have also had different kinds of OCD and I show all the symptoms so as much as my brain doesn't want to believe it because it makes me feel like I'm making excuses, I am indeed dealing with REOCD. I have been compulsing for relief from the guilt so often and feel urgency about it despite it affecting no one else, etc. I'm scared and I know treatment will not be easy but I know the work is worth it.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

@seagull2 I'm really sorry to hear about that man. Do you mind telling me what REOCD is? I'm only familiar to the closest type to that one, ROCD. Anxiety is a deal breaker for me. Whenever it comes up it's so hard to contain the thoughts since they're all over the place. I think I'm slowly getting over what happened to me and that lady and I hope nothing else comes out of this because I would hate to want to make someone uncomfortable around me or anything. I still can't believe it even happened at all and my brain just got crazy and threw those thoughts at me. The part where you said it affects no one else but you is very relatable. Everyone I've told this to didn't see this as a big deal but I just can't stand it. I can't move past it as quickly as them.

seagull2

Date posted: 2y

@BigGip09 REOCD is Real Event OCD

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

@seagull2 Ooh. Sorry for misunderstanding. I go through real event as well. I'm constantly going back to bad things I did in the past when I was younger and with what happened today, it's gotten worse. Sorry you go through this too

seagull2

Date posted: 2y

@BigGip09 Yeah, mine is based on some stuff from early teenage years as well. The thing that keeps me hopeful is that I wasn't bothered by it for years despite having a flare up of it in the past. So I think there will be a way out again

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

@seagull2 Hey man, same! It's about my teenage years because I honestly wasn't the nicest person. I look back on that and realize I was going through a lot. Last month I wasn't bothered by it and it was doing so well with recovery up until now. I'm sure a lot of people are in the same boat!

str4berrycoo...

Date posted: 18w

how i deal with the "what ifs" (+18)

i feel like i have been posting a lot about this and i will try to stop since now but i just don't know where to start or what to do, and i can't take therapy right now either. my event is about something that did actually happen; i had a boyfriend and we had a 1.5 age difference (i know this sounds stupid) but the thing is that we both started to sext a lot since he was 14 and i was 15. we shared audios videos pictures ect and i don't know how to just let this go, even when i know that i never really forced him into anything and i was always constantly worried about him being comfortable, when to stop and ect. the memories keep coming back to my mind and the guilt is eating me up slowly because i keep thinking that i'm a predator or a groomer or something like that. i don't know how to deal with the what ifs either, lately i haven't stopped thinking what if i sexually harassed or sexually exploited him or something like that. how do i deal with the cycle of guilt and constant what ifs if i also feel like my event is worse than others i've seen? please help me with this. it's getting a lil tiring and even if somedays i know how to deal with this, i still get really triggered sometimes. this wouldn't even bother me before, i wish i could just get back in time before this theme popped into my mind. my life has been a hell since then and i live constantly scared and suicidal.

dee012

Date posted: 16w

pocd real event :(

feels like I violated a family friends son who is 10 years old because I was holding a kitty on my lap and they were scratching under the cats chin and I went to scratch under the cats chin as well but we ended up touching hands bc we were both scratching under but like I didn’t care bc I was just like awww kitty or whatever but then when we touched hands and he moved his hand away it freaked me out like I did something bad or violated him. It felt like I cupped and grazed his hand because I went to scratch under the cats chin but he was doing so as well. And when he moved his hand away it like slid past my hand and it just made me feel like I did something weird. Some people would be able to do this and not freak out and even continue scratching under the cats chin with the little boy and not care but I care and it’s making me feel really weird and bad. And also him moving his hand away when I touched it makes me feel like I did something bad. This all happened in a span of a literal second and I just want to disappear

sanshine

Date posted: 22d

Scary work incident ADULTS ONLY 18+

TWTWTWTW so I was stocking at work and I saw this dude that looked 14-17 and thought he was kinda cute but also thought he looked familiar like a coworker or something and I was dwelling on it for a bit but didn't think too deeply of it. Anyway I looked up and he was standing right by my cart like against it cuz he was reaching for something and I thought something like "oh it's the dude". I moved my cart back to me realizing that it would brush against him in the process. I feel awful like I m*\ested him cuz I had like a groinal at the same time and I feel scared. Like it happened quickly but my brain is telling me it's because I wanted to do something to him or me and I immediately panicked when it happened

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How do I let go of this?

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