- Username
- allie05
- Date posted
- 2y ago
sex and guilt
guys i’m freaking out. i told my boyfriend i didn’t want to have sex (i’m afraid i’ll regret it) and i feel so guilty. it’s terrible
guys i’m freaking out. i told my boyfriend i didn’t want to have sex (i’m afraid i’ll regret it) and i feel so guilty. it’s terrible
Do not feel guilty, it is okay to say no.
@Get it done! i feel guilty when i have sex and when i don’t. i don’t know what to do :( when i say no my brain immediately goes to “you’re not attracted to him.” i’m miserable
@allie05 I went through a period of low sex drive where I felt guilty both ways. Saying no felt like I was hurting him because I WAS attracted to my partner but just didn’t feel sexual urges whatsoever (probably medication/hormones/stressful life stuff). Saying yes felt disrespectful to myself because I was doing it for the wrong reasons.
@Anonymous this is exactly how i feel. except when i say no i worry i dont love him and am not attracted to him
Not wanting to have sex is always okay, if they aren’t supportive of you in that then they don’t deserve to be with you. Everyone has diffrent sex drives and some people crave sex a lot less than others some people like asexual people can not crave sex at all. Talking to a therapist if you feel that w out of be helpful might be good to get to the bottom of how you are feeling, talking to your partner about these feeling would be good too
@Forest13 (They/she) i’m afraid to talk to him. he told me he is ok but he is also clearly upset. i don’t know what to do :(
@allie05 Well I jsut want to say that you don’t owe that to him, being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to have sex with the person, if they understand that you just don’t feel like it and it’s nothing personal, and their still upset then that’s their problem.
@allie05 I’m sorry you are in such a stressful situation
@Forest13 (They/she) thank you so much. i also feel guilty because whenever i say no because i worry “what if i’m not attracted to him”. i want to feel better
@allie05 That’s definitely your ocd, it’s trying to work off your fears.
Omg! I feel the same! Thank you for sharing because I’m currently going through this. I feel shame around sex mainly because i have always used sex to seek validation so i neglected my own sexual desires when it was time to have sex with a partner. I also feel like when I do have sex, I disappointed my mom or dad haha. Weird I know. I recently shared an intimate moment with my partner and felt no connection and so I started to freak out because I questioned if I even liked this person and now I feel guilty. It’s so hard. And I hope you find peace soon and enjoy those intimate moments with your partner without these intrusive thoughts!
@anonymous700 In many many cultures parents shame their daughter s / people assigned female at birth. For having sexuality, while not treating their sons/ people assigned make at birth like that at all. It’s no wonder at all you feel you are disappointing them by having self pleasure.
@anonymous700 thank you so much! i’m glad i’m not alone. todays been a rough day.
do you notice u feel guilty/ ashamed or just low after sex?
@carol2424 yes all the time. what could this be??
When I was in kindergarten, an older kid at my babysitter’s house was sexually inappropriate with me. I felt horrible guilt about what had happened for a long time. It caused me to start having severe panic attacks at age seven. I constantly felt like I was carrying around a dirty secret. I couldn’t eat. The best way I can describe the guilt was the physical feeling that my stomach was heavy. I very recently, at the age of 18, had my first consensual sexual experience. Afterwards, I laid in bed next to the guy and silently endured a panic attack. I was afraid of feeling the guilt again. Like horribly afraid. I couldn’t calm myself down or logic it out in my head. This was after cancelling on this guy twice for fear of having sex and then feeling the guilt. I should capitalize that. The Guilt is more fitting. Guilt is something I cannot stand in the slightest, and the only way I could make myself stop panicking about this situation was to almost immediately tell my mom. Why? I’m an adult. I’m on the pill. It’s my personal life. She doesn’t need to know. But I was so afraid of The Guilt, and that was the only way to be sure I wouldn’t have to deal with it. Now I’m fine. But I’m afraid of not being able to enjoy certain aspects of my life because I’m so afraid of The Guilt returning.
i’m getting freaked out by myself. Please help. I was wondering if it was wrong to have sex with someone if one person was drunk or tipsy and the other wasn’t but they gave consent. I thought for me at least not anyone else, that if i gave consent when inebriated then it would be okay. But also i see how it’s wrong because why would you want to do anything with someone who is under the influence or not be on the same level as someone when doing these things. A guy i was talking to said he didn’t wanna kiss me once because i was tipsy one night and said no matter what he wouldn’t even touch a girl if she had a drink and i completely understand that, but in my mind if i give consent then that’s okay. Is that wrong though? I don’t like how my automatic response wasn’t the same as his. I don’t want to take advantage of someone or anything ever so i searched it up and people were saying that you can’t give consent when inebriated so now i feel like a terrible person. I feel even worse because when i was thinking of scenarios it felt like i was a little turned on and i feel wrong because what if i felt that way because i enjoyed the thought of taking advantage of someone and but i just don’t want to be the type of person that would do that to someone or think it’s okay. This may be tmi but i imagined giving a guy head and he was drunk but he enjoyed it and it turned me on but now i hate myself because that’s literally wrong. I’ve never even had sex before but i’m still worrying about this. Now i know i for sure wouldn’t engage in anything with someone under the influence but i feel like I don’t even know how i felt about this in the beginning, i feel like my mind automatically jumped to me being the worst. Like is kissing someone when one is drunk and the other isn’t wrong? I just want to avoid doing something wrong or taking advantage of someone at all costs but i’m stressed because what if my way of thinking thinks it’s okay to do those things. Like even if my mind is telling me it’s okay i will avoid and not even go near a drunk guy or try anything but i don’t like that I thought that was okay or that my body responded that way when thinking about it. I hate this. I don’t want this to be me but what if it is. Like why do i feel a sense of arousal or a groinal response when i think about it? is it because it’s of a sexual nature? is it misattribution of arousal? Or am i just actually the worst person on earth? I hope it’s everything but the last, but it seems like that’s the truth. Like this is making me want to refrain from engaging in anything sexual with anyone because i just feel wrong as a person now and that no matter what i’ll be taking advantage of them because of my thoughts.
is someone threw the same thing as me ? i feel so bad about things i’ve done while i was a pre/early teen, as sexual experimentation. It was Gross things that i’ll never do it again, i’m disgusted by it now. But i have so much guilt on me, i feel like i don’t deserve happiness after that. I know i was young and discovering sexuality but it don’t gives me enough relief. Thank guys, tell me how you feel about this.
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