allie05

Date posted: 2y

sex and guilt

guys i’m freaking out. i told my boyfriend i didn’t want to have sex (i’m afraid i’ll regret it) and i feel so guilty. it’s terrible

Anna,hi!

Date posted: 2y

Do not feel guilty, it is okay to say no.

allie05

Date posted: 2y

@Get it done! i feel guilty when i have sex and when i don’t. i don’t know what to do :( when i say no my brain immediately goes to “you’re not attracted to him.” i’m miserable

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@allie05 I went through a period of low sex drive where I felt guilty both ways. Saying no felt like I was hurting him because I WAS attracted to my partner but just didn’t feel sexual urges whatsoever (probably medication/hormones/stressful life stuff). Saying yes felt disrespectful to myself because I was doing it for the wrong reasons.

allie05

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous this is exactly how i feel. except when i say no i worry i dont love him and am not attracted to him

Forest13

Date posted: 2y

Not wanting to have sex is always okay, if they aren’t supportive of you in that then they don’t deserve to be with you. Everyone has diffrent sex drives and some people crave sex a lot less than others some people like asexual people can not crave sex at all. Talking to a therapist if you feel that w out of be helpful might be good to get to the bottom of how you are feeling, talking to your partner about these feeling would be good too

allie05

Date posted: 2y

@Forest13 (They/she) i’m afraid to talk to him. he told me he is ok but he is also clearly upset. i don’t know what to do :(

Forest13

Date posted: 2y

@allie05 Well I jsut want to say that you don’t owe that to him, being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to have sex with the person, if they understand that you just don’t feel like it and it’s nothing personal, and their still upset then that’s their problem.

Forest13

Date posted: 2y

@allie05 I’m sorry you are in such a stressful situation

allie05

Date posted: 2y

@Forest13 (They/she) thank you so much. i also feel guilty because whenever i say no because i worry “what if i’m not attracted to him”. i want to feel better

Forest13

Date posted: 2y

@allie05 That’s definitely your ocd, it’s trying to work off your fears.

anonymous700

Date posted: 2y

Omg! I feel the same! Thank you for sharing because I’m currently going through this. I feel shame around sex mainly because i have always used sex to seek validation so i neglected my own sexual desires when it was time to have sex with a partner. I also feel like when I do have sex, I disappointed my mom or dad haha. Weird I know. I recently shared an intimate moment with my partner and felt no connection and so I started to freak out because I questioned if I even liked this person and now I feel guilty. It’s so hard. And I hope you find peace soon and enjoy those intimate moments with your partner without these intrusive thoughts!

Forest13

Date posted: 2y

@anonymous700 In many many cultures parents shame their daughter s / people assigned female at birth. For having sexuality, while not treating their sons/ people assigned make at birth like that at all. It’s no wonder at all you feel you are disappointing them by having self pleasure.

allie05

Date posted: 2y

@anonymous700 thank you so much! i’m glad i’m not alone. todays been a rough day.

carol2424

Date posted: 2y

do you notice u feel guilty/ ashamed or just low after sex?

allie05

Date posted: 2y

@carol2424 yes all the time. what could this be??

Mariabae

Date posted: 25w

i feel bad for posting (includes 18+) pls read

my bf knows abt my googling and talking with chat bgt but does not know about this app, he is at my house and now im alone bc he is at the bathroom and he told me to not google and things but im confused idk what i feel i want to feel good and happy, i was good amd happy today, but now i have a lot of thoughts, my libido is low and i found it hard to kiss and do sexual things. Im scared i will br like this forever amd that i will never want to have sex (i am a virgin) , i will be 18 soon and i hate that i am like this. Im so scared i will never want to do this. i want to, but i always feel strange and my thoughts attack me making me feel so bad. i hate myself for posting here bc it is a compulsion and i feel like a liar, he loves me so much :(

Mariabae

Date posted: 24w

i feel bad

i feel so bad for posting here, idk what i wamt i have so many thoughts abt the feelings i have for my bf im scared my thughts are true or that they will be true and i feel bad for feeling amd thinking this way i such a bad girlfriend, i am scared that i like other people just because i look at them or talk to them normally and i feel like a liar what cam i do to stop feeling like this i am scared

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 18w

I messed up :(

Tmi warning I was being intimate with my bf and I kept getting the name of someone else pop up, but I didn’t feel anxious. Afterwards, as much as I tried to delay confessing, I couldn’t help it. I confessed. My bf was fine he said I probably didn’t feel anxious because I’ve gotten used to the anxiety and it’s okay, it doesn’t define me any more than it would if I was anxious. A few minutes later, he got upset and said that the confession kinda ruined a blissful moment. I’m so upset that my head feels so turbulent I didn’t even notice it was a blissful moment for him and could’ve been for me. I feel so awful. I haven’t slept in a day, I can’t stop crying. My bf is afraid that because this specific name keeps popping up, it might mean something and he feels less than sometimes because of it. I know I shouldn’t have confessed but I felt so safe that it was like a dam broke loose. I feel so awful. What’s worse is that I’m still scared it means something, I’m scared that my boyfriend’s fear is right. He’s very understanding of OCD and how it manifests in me and everything, I think I just kinda messed up a sacred moment and I feel so much guilt and confusion and just horrendous. I’m not even fully anxious. I don’t know what to do. I apologized a lot but I feel like I don’t deserve him and so selfish

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