What if I don't care about him?

I wanna scream

@11/27/21 I wanna fucking scream I'm so tired what if what my doctor said is true

@11/27/21 I feel so fucking tired I feel so tired I feel like I'm doing this byllshit on purpose idk how to explain the feeling I feel like I'm doing it on purpose

@11/27/21 What did your doctor tell u?

But I don't feel anxious that's the thing I don't feel anything ans that scares me bro

@Angela_89 He said that maybe I'm not in love with my bf and that we aren't bf and gf because we haven't met and we long distance I feel so tied bro he suggested that I break up with him multiple times I'm so tied this why I lied about what thoughs were about in the first place

@11/27/21 He's not a therapist he's a doctor that you go to like when you sick eith a flew or sum idk I feel like I'm doing it on purpose like I don't know how to explain that feeling I think I'm the only one who feels like this because I'm faking it

@11/27/21 That happened to me too, usually when we have these thoughts we end up obsessing over it and overanalyzing the feeling and it becomes this vicious cycle of thoughts that causes anxiety and stress. Eventually our body becomes so stressed and tired of all of it that it becomes numb to these thoughts. We end up disconnecting from everything, even our partners. ROCD is tricky and it convince us all sorts of things. Just talking and reasoning with those intrusive thoughts that you keep obsessing over won't help. From what your doctor said, I don't think they truly understand what's going on in your head, I suggest you to speak with someone that is actually an OCD therapist

@Angela_89 I'm tired I feel nothing and that's why I feel like I don't ocd I just feel nothing absolutely nothing I don't feel anxiety nothing bit at the same time I feel guilt and sadness I don't know how to explain it bro I'm tired I've been crying over this right for more then 30 minutes on and off I don't know hoe to explain it I feel like if explain it wrong then tjay means I don't love him I just don't know what I feel I just feel nothing I don't understand I already told him about that he said we will find a therapist

@11/27/21 Yeah, you should find a therapist. it still sounds like you are numb at the moment and that's why you don't feel anxious. You may be experiencing disconnection within yourself because of how much stress you have been feeling. If we feel disconnection within ourselves it's more likely that we will end up feeling at the outside too. Take a deep breath if you can and realize that just obsessing and overanalyzing these thoughts you are having won't actually get you anywhere. allow yourself to relax and don't overanalyze these thoughts right now. You aren't in a very great state so dont make big decisions like breaking up.

@Angela_89 What you mean not in the great state if breaking up your making me feel like I do have to break up

@Angela_89 He hasn't been online for a while I felt a little bit of something in my stomach I kept on calling him texting him telling him I'm worried but I didn't feel anything I'm tired

@11/27/21 Okay I have may have word that wrong, you don't have to break up. You always have a choice of breaking up or not and the point I'm making is that ROCD can make us feel like we have to break up. I just don't want you to regret doing big decisions like that and then end up realizing that it was just ROCD. For now just don't overthink about this because it doesn't help much and your thoughts will continue going. If he hasn't been online, I'm not sure but I think best you can do is focus on yourself for right now. Actually the same thing has been happening to me but the best I can do is just let him be until he comes back.

@Angela_89 I did that before went back to hom

@Angela_89 He came back and left me on seen cuz he know I was panicking so he did that so I don't have to worry about it and my rocd doesn't get out of control

@11/27/21 Did you get help yet?

@Angela_89 Not yet