My partner has OCD... And I am struggling.

Hi Everyone. As someone that doesn't have OCD... I am struggling to come to terms with elements of my partners OCD intrusive thoughts. I feel really terrible as I feel like I am being selfish for taking some of these thoughts personally... But at the same I can't help it. I don't know everything about my partners struggles with OCD, but I do know parts. It is really starting to affect how I interact with oir relationship - and I really don't want it to. Whilst the word crisis seems very severe... I feel it is relevant here. Because I feel like even the smallest OCD appearance is starting to upset me. The main OCD thoughts that I can't seem to see past, are constant thoughts about an ex love interest of his. Whilst I truly understand that these thoughta are not his own, I also really hate that they impact how he is with me. I don't think he realises how much he is impacted when the thoughts appear, and I try so hard to ignore the outward impact of his internal OCD, but at the same time... It is getting harder and harder to do so. Is there any key advice anyone has that might help me to lessen the effect my partners OCD has on me? Am I a terrible person for even allowing myself to feel terrible when I know he will feel much worse than I do about it? X

lsatt

Date posted: 2y

Just the fact that you are reaching out right now shows the amount of support they have, and that you care. The thing that is really hard for someone with ocd is the fact that these images, or thoughts come into your brain and it’s just like a constant cycle. The harder you try to push them away the deeper they become. They feel so real, so terrible. But they pass. And they grow weaker and weaker the less importance you give to them. So if your partner thinks they are upsetting you by having these, they will most likely try to repress them and it will come on full steam. I would suggest you invite the thoughts - so tell him ‘whatever, I don’t care, bring those thoughts on!!’ If you react to them, and make him feel weird about it it will fuel the fire. He is impacted because the thoughts are so unwanted for him. If he accepts them, invites them, and doesn’t swat them away like a bee, the sting will feel less.

lsatt

Date posted: 2y

@lsatt To add - don’t give into any reassurance. If he asks you about these images or thoughts say ‘maybe. Maybe not’. Or ‘I’m not answering that question’. Encourage him to sit with the discomfort without doing a compulsion. Usually the anxiety goes down in about 60 mins max. He should also start ERP if he hasn’t already. And medication :).

##Anonymous##

Date posted: 2y

Thank you!! There ks absolutely no doubt about how much support I am prepared to give him, or how much I love him. What you have said really helps... The fact that at the moment, the OCD is "attacking" our relationship is really difficult for me. I try so hard to be mindful of how difficult it is for him too, and I will try to do what you suggest and invite the thoughts, let them be present between us and let their sting feel less for BOTH of us as they lose their power. Thank you so much. X

lsatt

Date posted: 2y

@##Anonymous## Another thing is that OCD attacks the thing you care about most - so for him to have these awful thoughts he doesn’t want because he is with you just shows how much you mean to him - if that makes any sense (easy for someone with ocd to know what I’m talking about). For example, I have a deep fear of being separated from my children. So I get really bad thoughts regarding terminal illness and child abduction separating them. It’s the LAST thing I want to think about. I would rather put pins in my eyes, sell all my belongings - anything! But I have them because I care and value so much my health and my children. He is having these ‘bad thoughts’ about his ex as he values and cares so much about YOUR relationship. That’s how contradictory OCD is.

Majchy1981

Date posted: 2y

The most important thing is that you don't step into the game of his ocd. That means that do not do reensurance with him. I assume it is about relationship ocd. Corect me if I am wrong😊. You already know the diferences between ocd questions and real one right? So. Do not give him any answers becouse it will only keeps his ocd runing even more. Your answer should always be Maybe yes maybe no. I know it is Hard 4 both of you. Just try to live a normal life, ecpecially for you to live a normal live. Try to be suportive but only like "o it is your ocd again". It will pass. You are free to ask me anything more specific what you can do. Is he having any meds or therapy already? O and YES it is so normal for you to be angry, powerless or Just tired from everything. Trust me so is he. Just know it is not him it is his ocd and if you love him enough both of you will get out even stronger together. Just be patient and take care for your needs as well.

##Anonymous##

Date posted: 2y

This all makes perfect sense. I worry that my tiredness of the OCD is encouraging it too. I need tips on how to seperate the OCD from him I think. And maybe an outlet that doesn't make people think bad of him because quite simply, the understanding is not there in society for me to offload to friends etc ❤️

bubbsle

Date posted: 20w

Tips for Anxiety

Hey guys! My boyfriend has said recently that he doesn't know if he's strong enough to continue with our relationship because of my OCD. He wants to see me overcome my symptoms and learn to live a healthy life with OCD, but my anxieties and obsessions are starting to really affect his life. I understand his reasoning, it's hard to see someone you care about struggle with OCD, especially when it starts to affect you too. I'm asking for tips to deal with my compulsions in the relationship. I HAVE to know the answer to things and sometimes that leads into arguments because even with apologies and discussions I can't let things go, even if they genuinely don't matter or are miniscule issues we have. It's a healthy relationship otherwise but I feel horrible because it's impacting him so negatively, that's the absolute last thing I want to happen. I care for him deeply and he cares for me too, so I don't want my OCD to be a reason we break up but I fear it's headed in that direction. I'm starting therapy soon, but until then what are some things I can do to stop my ROCD from impacting him? I know sitting in the guilt and anxiety of not completing my obsessions will help, but I'm wondering if there are other things I can do to maybe remedy some of the damage already done.

JazzyRoses

Date posted: 19w

Being Cheated On OCD

Hi everyone! I have been having a rough time. So my boyfriend talks to his ex still as friends and I’ve been struggling with it lately and I can’t tell if it’s OCD or not but it does feel so distressing. She wasn’t texting him for about 2-3 months as she got into a relationship with this guy and they broke up. She had messaged him saying that she has no one else to talk to and needed to vent to someone. At first I felt okay, but my intrusive thoughts took over and it seemed like she was trying to get with him after the fact. It’s probably just my intrusive thoughts talking but he looks on Discord (the app where the message) constantly now and my intrusive thoughts convince me that he’s still in love with her. Then yesterday I saw one of his BeReals (a little photo app that shows a photo of the day) and I saw that he was watching one of her streams as she is a streamer. I struggled to talk about it because it made my worst thought feel like it came true where he is still in love with her. When we talked he gets a lil mad that I don’t tell him right away like straight up what I’m feeling but it’s hard to process because my thoughts flood in of all the worst things and I don’t want to come off as toxic at all and I know relationships are built on trust and I want to trust because this is literally the only thing that makes me nervous about him. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been cheated on before so I’m trying to protect myself but I’m lost. I get so depressed and so anxious because I feel like I have to grieve the relationship and it’s just so dramatic. I’ve never loved anyone like this before and I don’t wanna lose him by bringing this stuff up constantly when something occurs with his ex. I don’t know why I get triggered so easily and I just wanna heal from it and be the good girlfriend I’m supposed to be 😭

PBubblegum

Date posted: 19w

My partner has severe OCD

Hello i got this app hoping to maybe find some support for my partner i thought about reddit but reddit has become a hateful place and i figured this is a safe place. i love my partner more than anything and he’s been struggling with OCD his whole life he has a hard time talking about it with anyone because it’s too painful he’s stated that it’s gotten worse as he’s gotten older His biggest issue right now is overwhelming thoughts of his actions having tragic outcomes and being unable to stop these obsessive thoughts (such as needing to check out door handle 5 times to make sure it’s locked but still panicking that it’s unlocked) he’s not open to one on one therapy or meds although he loves learning and watching informative videos i fear he’s afraid to confront his OCD or just afraid nothing will help i really wanna help him live a stress free and happy life he deserves it would anyone possibly have any ways to naturally help with OCD or recommend any great individuals that could share techniques on managing OCD or helping your partner with OCD? i would very much appreciate it!

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My partner has OCD... And I am struggling.

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