How to Break Habits and Learn From Mistakes

Yeah this sucks so much..... I even hated myself immensely and beated me up for this but that doesn't help also... I just didn't change... Tho i don't like myself at all but what i have seen that beating yourself doesn't help it just makes things more worse... Like i used to spend more time criticizing myself than improving and making things better..... Now after i realised this that beating up won't help now i don't criticize or beat myself that much... Now i just stay calm with it and observe that how Shameless i am.... But still can't change myself and my habits....

I have this badass habit of procrastination.... Not starting things untill last minute.... And guess what i have an exam after Tomorrow.... I got 2 days to prepare i planned that i would utilize this time well..... But shit i just can't change myself....i can't let my habit of putting of work untill last minute.... I still haven't started studying 😭😂😭 now gotta force myself to study....... And this is just one of my bad habits which i can't break and there are many more 🤦‍♀️ And then there is mistakes i do over and over but never learn 🤷 i only realize that i have done this wrong or it went wrong in that way.... But never change my way.... It's like I'm stuck.... And thus i have made my life a hell....

Girl.. I don't know what fuck to do anymore... I don't know if I'm giving an excuse now to cover my mistakes but can it relate to ocd somehow....?? Like i have also seen someone here with this Procrastination problem and he was asking like what to do.... I have this Disgusting habit since childhood but i never used to procrastinate this much.... Imagine procrastinating even a day before exam.... That's just 1 day left and you still can't put your ass off...

I just searched on Google thinking can it relate to ocd somehow tho?? And guess what it was 🤦‍♀️ I was amazed and had some tears in my eyes seeing this... This disease ruined everything... Deep down i had a feeling that something must be serious with me just why the hell i can't get myself out from this Procrastination.... Now i understood... 🤦‍♀️😔 i beated myself so much I'm just ill in my head with bad habits... And the illness is fueling the habits up..... It most likely it is actually the case for you too.... Don't beat yourself up for this... It's all cause of the biggest villain of us OCD.....😬😔

Yea lmao same... And test no 😂😭 only in this morning could study a bit but then again i just couldn't.... I will start again now..... But most likely won't be able to finish it and then what will just fail the exam.... Thus im intentionally failing exams it's so frustrating.... And the days i got of vacation to study.. That was like 12 days.... But i also suffer from depression so i went in depression again and couldn't utilize that time..... And i have this bad mentality that is when i have like 1 week or 15 days before an exam and if I'm not prepared i behave like omg i can't finish the syllabus within this amount of time.. I gotta fail.... Where i could ACTUALLY pass if i just utilized that time.... But i just panic and then for ocd depression or procrastination.... Or sometimes just for me as i don't study.... The time just get wasted..... And what ironic is that according to me 15 days or 1 week ain't enough to pass but the night before exam is 🤣🤣 so when i have enough time i just keep panicking that i don't have enough time... I would fail... And when i actually have insufficient time I'm like i just gotta get the pass mark within this Night 🤡🤡🤡 Clown Me..

And you know what more frustrating is my procrastination is not for any kind of distraction trust me there's no distraction..... I even procrastinate by simply walking through my home.... But not sitting to do the work..... Whenever i search like how to beat procrastination they always shows things like avoid distraction..... And just start.... Those just Doesn't help me.... I have literally no distraction... It's just for something i just can't start untill the last minute comes... Feels like I'm stuck and i can't start.... While knowing all of the Consequences of this and moreover i also faced heavy and brutal consequences for this still nothing fears or pushes me to just do the work......

Yeah and this motivation thing i got motivated many times but only to last 2 days and then I'm again back at being "Me" Whenever i get a backstab for this bad habit i get immensely motivated... And then I'm like i just changed and i could even study all day with full focus... But that's just the story of 2 days.....

Unfortunately i don't have 2 days now only this day 😂 and yeah i have thought many times that i will try the pomodoro technique.. But i procrastinate even on start doing that 🤦‍♀️ i think it's like a compulsion right?? Like from internet blogs they said that avoidance works like a compulsion... I don't know how to get rid of this while having ocd...