It's not actually funny but

2 nights ago I saw something on my phone and it has now spiraled into me scared of being trans or being gay because i don’t want to be… now i have a huge fear of what if i am gay and am attracted to woman or what if im not comfortable in my body and want to turn into a man. It’s freaking me out - my ocd always makes me question my character! Has anyone experienced this 😩

I wouldn’t really say I have SO-OCD, but it manifests in some areas of my TOCD. Like if I see a woman for example my thoughts will go “what if I like her but as a man?” like my thoughts say I’m a straight man instead of a straight woman. And it’s really bothering me. If I see an attractive woman my brain will re-wire and imagine myself as a man looking at an attraction woman and it gets super uncomfortable that I have to like shake my head and say “no no no no no” multiple times to get the thought out. I know that counts as a compulsion but it’s hard to not do it because it’s so triggering. Now I don’t mind if I like women, however I’m really scared that I’m actually a straight man who likes women (or at least a bisexual man, considering I like men) and I hate it because I don’t want to be a man. Like I’ll think of my desired relationship as a woman dating a man but my OCD will switch it up to me being the man dating the woman, which is the opposite of what I want. I don’t want to be a man at all and I don’t want to date a woman, both of those are the opposite of my desires, but I’m still so scared. I’ll accept myself if I actually like women and am a bisexual woman, however I heard that being bisexual can mean being trans which scares me (for the record it was said in reddit by a sub which is mainly focused on a pseudoscientific phenomenon, that is still believed by the members to be true, so it’s definitely not a trustworthy statement, but my OCD will use anything to work against me) Does anyone here relate a little? 🥲

Im new here so im not exactly sure what im supposed to be doing but my therapist recommended that I start using this platform. I have had OCD my whole life as does my mom and her parents, but I never had a formal diagnosis until about 5 years ago. Recently my OCD has been absolutely taking over my life and it is just so mentally exhausting. I know there’s nothing “wrong” with me but I really wish that I just didn’t have OCD. I really just want to be able to exist without all of these obsessions. I’ve seen a few posts from people just talking about experiences so if anyone has any tips on how best to use the platform that would be great! On a funnier note - I’m pretty open about my OCD and I mention it to a coworker and there response was “Do you really have that or is that just something you say”. And my response was oh yeah no I really have it and it really impacts every minute of everyday in my life and they were just like 😶