Not doing so well

First I started having violent intrusive thoughts, which while I understand do not reflect my beliefs or action, are still discomforting. Then those were interrupted by hallucinations of bugs landing on me. Ugh. I have too many papers due and past due. I have too few strong theses formed. I barely even have time for my OCD to ruin things for me because my migraines and other things are already eating the little time I have. Then again, I guess my OCD is confounded by what to do next because one of my professors hasn’t responded to me in weeks as I’ve tried to make a plan to muster through without the need for perfection. I feel like I can handle being imperfect, but to accept that while also not having answers to questions we were encouraged to ask about assignment progressions just leaves me so lost. I’m really trying to be a more balanced student this go-around. I just feel so darn overwhelmed. So often it feels like drowning, and it’s just so sustained too.

Anon.

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

OCD in the beginning for me could ruin literally best of moments. I could be on a yacht in the Caribbean with my girlfriend on a perfect day, yet be lost in the vicious OCD thought cycle. I seriously questioned whether or not I would ever have piece of mind again. However, with therapy I was able to obtain piece of mind - the OCD thoughts still come, they just harbor less power. Also, if I were in your position I would get out and do something just for you! I know what it’s like to feel like your drowning with life and all of its business and difficulties. For me, making time for myself before all of the other stuff is hugely helpful!

ARTnotOCD

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Thank you for your thoughtful response. This go ‘round at school I am really trying to be more balanced, but I admit whenever I take time for myself, I feel guilty, questioning if I took too much time and if I’ve crossed over into laziness or irresponsibility. I guess that’s just another of OCD’s circular patterns of distressing us. It helps to have a voice outside myself, not for reassurance-seeking, but just for support and a general understanding. Thank you.

Anon.

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@ARTnotOCD I totally understand that! Especially finding that balance between perfectionism and acceptance that we as humans are not perfect. It can be difficult, especially in school. I’m hopefully starting psych NP school in the summer, and I have some fears around it. But it always helps to have a therapist to bounce your thoughts and feelings off of. Especially when trying to determine the difference between a compulsion and a normal action. I always go back to the example of washing your hands for normal hygiene vs a compulsion. It can be tricky, but they are there to help guide you on this journey!

jjs31

Date posted: 2y

Totally get this. During my masters year I was obsessing nonstop. It was really hard to get through but I did. I wish I could have known back then that the thoughts were just OCD, and I didn’t have to investigate them or be scared of them. I’m going to try to follow my own advice today. I Hope you feel better.

ARTnotOCD

Date posted: 2y

@jjs31 Thank you. When my partner so sweetly suggested I go to bed last night, I actually did. I still don’t have my theses for my papers due today, but I’ve just been answering the what if’s down the line with maybe yes, maybe no. Oddly enough, finally being able to more truly accept some of this uncertainty is letting me have a plan of action, for today. Even then, I’m trying to accept that maybe it’s the right plan of action, maybe it’s the wrong plan of action. So while I’m still stressed, this is still excellent progress from last night. Good hopes to you as well.

Anon.

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Busyness*

Flower1004

Date posted: 25w

It’s been getting worse..

Just sorta to vent and maybe get advice… I normally struggle with OCD and other MH/ medical issues.. I’ve sorta become acclimated to the stress, pain, mind games, and constant perfectionism. I thought I had it under control but this OCD has just been creeping back in small ways over time. I’ve caught myself doing behaviors and not feeling able to stop it. (This is combo of OCD but not sure how to categorize it all) - compulsively counting body movements til it’s the right number and feeling - adjusting papers/rewritten notes numerous times - irrational thoughts of my new pup being dead when I check on her - irrational thoughts that I don’t love my partner or he doesn’t love me after almost 10 years - every plate, cup, utensil has to be properly inspected before being able to use it - food can not have day of expiration (or even close to it) or a weird look or smell = it is inedible - recent close call accident led to dread driving and constant thoughts of a crash even though I did what I could and didn’t crash The list just keeps going.. but it has simply been a struggle that has lead me to feeling self conscious, unprofessional, childish, ashamed, and crazy. It’s a hard thing to accept that this has begun to return after finding ways to cope and manage in the past. I am struggling with finding ways to cope with it all cuz it is constantly disturbing my relationship, work, and personal well being Well that’s my truth for the day

veinsoul

Date posted: 25w

in need of help

I don’t know what I can do. I guess this is more of a depression thing than OCD but who knows. I have been battling this ongoing war within myself for years now and it’s been affecting my academic performance. situation of mine right now: I haven’t done a lot of work for my classes this month and I feel like I’m going to fail the semester again. I don’t know what it is but I can never seem to begin any work. I know I am capable but why can’t I get myself to start? why has this been going on for so long? I don’t understand. I have a history of good grades back in high school before I turned 17. I don’t even know how to describe it. it’s like I’ve been paralyzed and cannot do any work. but I can somehow do offside tasks like pinterest boards or random youtube videos. if I get rid of those, what do I do? I end up sleeping. because I’m tired. I have a low vitamin D deficiency & have been trying to get energy. I’m at a loss. I also bought unnecessary stuff on sunday when I went out with my family. I bought some things for the kids and I ended up buying myself a dress and a few accessories. now I have to work extra to gain that money back doing uber eats because I need it asap. it’s like I don’t want to work, for now. my coworkers who are around my age don’t work as much & I think to myself, “wow, they must be getting in the work done” meanwhile I’m working 3 days a week (which isn’t much) and attending school. I feel like if I change my schedule again, I’ll ruin it for the rest of my driver coworkers. I’m in a lead position at work so having to put on a mask is quite tiring. there’s so much I want to say that I don’t think it will fit in this post. I have booked a mental health session with a school counselor. all I want at the moment is to have my own place and be in a better mental state to take care of my cats. they mean a lot to me but this stupid ass undiagnosed mental issue is getting in the way. sorry for the long rant. I am tired.

moomoo22

Date posted: 23w

pls reply if you have help

i am a freshman in college and i have always struggled with depression, anxiety, and OCD. i have never received help for my OCD despite being medicated for my other two issues. i have noticed that what most of my panic stems from is my OCD and more specifically my OCD around school. i haven’t been able to get myself up for class for multiple days and im starting to panic about everything im missing and think about every little thing i have to fix. i am so behind that it makes me want to panic and i feel like i cant fix this. i just want my mind to feel normal but it feels like my whole world is falling apart all because i am feeling stuck in school. please help me i just want to feel okay but i dont know how to. i have tried doing all the assignments i can do to catch up but it isn’t enough i still feel so panicked

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