Self harm

Is there someone who has self harmed in the past that would be Ok discussing this? I used to hurt myself out of frustration a lot but i had gotten better. More recently i had gotten in a weird zone when i am more aware of wht i'm doing but did it anyway. I dont know if it's for attention (that was the thought around it in my family growing up) Why did i do it? Maybe to show on the outside wht's going on inside? (I really want validation for other stuff. I'm not good with words to tell wht happened. But there was disfunction growing up and i think it's like cptsd is. where it's a lot of little things not one clear trauma. ) I'm such a mess. Sorry. And my counselor has shingles so he's unavailable to meet right now. I can txt him but i wanted to be in person with them when i bring this up. Guess i'm wondering about my motive.

0cdssucks

Date posted: 2y ago

i use to self harm and i have harm ocd so i hurt myself thinking that it will make the thoughts go away, once you’re aware you’re doing it and you’re okay with doing it. it’s more about why you continued, is it the pain? is it knowing you’re hurting yourself because you want to d//. or is it because you feel like you deserve the pain. The more you think that sounds familiar the more you should seek some help by a professional, Don’t hurt yourself i have thousands of scars they will never go away. i have nerve damage on my legs i can’t feel cold and the scars turn purple. it’s noticeable and it will last forever. i was 14 and im now 18 the scars never healed and my family made fun of me and now im not allowed razors, knifes, if im caught with one i get asked to show my arms and legs.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

Don’t get too caught up in semantic and validation. It doesn’t matter if you’re doing it for attention. Give yourself grace and don’t judge yourself. I have been struggling with my mental health a lot this year and it’s gotten so bad that sometimes I have self harm or suicidal thoughts. But I never do bc I’m responsible for a lot of people who look up to me over the internet and I try to advocate against that stuff. It is difficult when life is just so painful to deal with and no one is really there to help you or understands your condition or circumstances. And then you suffer trauma and the chemistry in your brain is altered and you get depression and dissociative and it make you numb. It’s a nightmare and hell on earth. But I tell myself that I will be proud of me and be a survivor when it gets better and I will get the best revenge when I am happy again. Lots of people suffer in the world and it’s important to make it a point not to be another statistic to fight the system of oppress and give others hope. So that they can be encouraged to live and you can see how strong you really are in the end and evolve and be a better person.

Rochel

Date posted: 2y ago

Are you saying that having self-harming thoughts and suicidal ideation is a form of OCD?

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

@Rochel No. They’re not ocd. They’re just due to depression and dissociation for me personally. You can have ocd and still have depression and actual suicidal or self harm thoughts. Doesn’t make them ocd. Although I suppose someone could have an obsession like that. It depends on the person. Everyone has different themes.

Rochel

Date posted: 2y ago

@anonymous. Thanks for clarifying. I'm currently struggling with both, OCD and self harming thoughts and suicidal ideation....

Solrose

Date posted: 23w ago

Intrusive Thoughts about Abuse?

Has anyone had this fear that they were abused in childhood and just don’t remember? And that’s why you have harm related thoughts? Like, I kept thinking if my mom abused me in childhood even though I had not ever thought or felt that way before, it came up a few months ago when my therapist was talking about complex PTSD which then freaked me out thinking something super horrific happened in my childhood and I just don’t remember it. My mom and I are super close, always have been. My mom was protective of me, but never in an abusive sense. She would just worry whenever I went out with friends and such, and wanted me to text her every now and again to let me know what was going on. Even in adulthood she sometimes wants to check in on me if I go out somewhere (even though we live together) and she even tells me to not worry about it and she knows it’s just her anxiety that gets the best of her, thinking something bad happened or what not. Anyway, I kept thinking about this and I thought is this abusive behavior? My mom wanting to check in on me? And I think of course not, it shows she cares and loves me. It’s not like she’s a hounding my phone every second or what not, just a text or a call to see what’s up. But my mind takes it further and thinks this is controlling behavior or something. So it goes back to the was I abused in childhood and I just have repressed memories, and that’s why I get harm thoughts towards my mom. I’m always thinking there is a deeper meaning. I never even thought that before in my life, about the abuse part, but it has become stuck in my mind and I’m scared it will ruin my relationship with my mom.

Lexi girl

Date posted: 19w ago

Please help me. I’m so done with my life

I hate sitting in my room with only me and my thoughts. I have lost my faith in the lord and can’t seem to get on with my life. I’m so stuck on everything and can’t seem to get better. I keep self harming and get to the point to where I see the second layer of my skin. It gets worse and worse each time I have suicidal thoughts. One of these days it’ll get so bad that well you can probably guess what I may do. I have been abused physically mentally and sexually in my past and it haunts me every single day of my life. Any time I try to talk to someone about my mental health they tell me I’m a waste of their time or that I need to talk to someone other than them. But all that does is make me keep it all bottled up and I can’t take it anymore. They say mental abuse is worse than physical and I can see why they say that. I just want a normal life so I don’t have to be depressed 24/7. It ruins my social life and it makes me loose my friends and family because of how distant I am. I just need help and please give me advice. Also sorry I’m not very good at explaining things.

BeeCee87

Date posted: 14w ago

Intrusive thoughts Help.

I’m having a very bad evening with my intrusive thoughts. I was doing really good dealing with them but tonight one hit me hard. I’ve been having a lot of different intrusive thoughts but I’ll have one occasionally about hurting my mom or my dog who I love and they’re the only family I have in my life. They’re my world. I was helping my mom put away the dishes and I had the big kitchen knife in my hand and my intrusive thought was you could stab your mom. And then my brain said I had a twitch in my hand and that meant I wanted to do it. Let me just say that I wouldn’t hurt a fly. I actually caught a fly in a glass and put it outside instead of killing it this evening before this intrusive thought happened. I’m such a gentle and compassionate and caring person and these thoughts instantly cause me to have a panic attack. And I have no one to talk to them about. I know they’re hard for my mom to hear and I don’t want to be any more of a burden than I already am. I do desperately want to tell her and have her reassure me that I’m not crazy or a psycho. Then my thoughts wander to if your hand did flinch could you be a psychopath. Is hurting someone in you. I know it’s not but I feel like my mind is out to get me and hurt me. I’m working so hard and I thought I was doing so good but I need to know why I have these thoughts. They’re not ok. I need someone to help me make sense of why. I know we aren’t supposed to ruminate but I shouldn’t have thoughts like this about people I love and care about the most in the world.

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Self harm

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