Username: K-M

Date posted: 2y ago

Need some help

Before I got married, I had gotten Botox around my eyes because I have pretty deep lines that I don’t like. My husband and I met and he told me he did not like it, but we came to the agreement that I could only do it once a year. Fast forward to now, being married, I have an appointment to do a small amount around my eyes again because just the 2 treatments have helped a lot. My appointment is in two days, and now he tells me if I do it I am not being submissive as a wife and I am disrespectful, spoiled, and I don’t care about his feelings. I feel angry and I know that this is a first world problem. I don’t want to cancel my appointment, but when we’ve had arguments he has told me how selfish I am and I don’t know how much more I can take. Just need some guidance.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

It's your body, you should get to make the choices. He is being petty, disrespectful, and manipulative. If you're able to, find a couples counselor who can talk to you and give you better tools to deal with your husband. Anyone who expects you to be "submissive" and stifle your own will to be subservient to him sounds like an archaic jerk to me

Username: K-MK-M

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous We are both Christians and the Bible does call wives to be “respectful” which I feel like I am.. I try to be the best wife I can be. We made the agreement before marriage so I just feel really upset because if I go to my appt, then I am going to be called all these names (which I already am). We are seeking counseling because divorce and separation was spoken of this weekend (for another issue). It’s just really sad and exhausting.

Username: Virgo!Virgo!

Date posted: 2y ago

@K-M People naturally change, so any “concrete” agreement made is bound to change as both of you do. You choosing something for yourself isn’t anti-Christian nor does it make you a disrespectful wife

Username: Cassie - AdvocateCassie - Adv...

Date posted: 2y ago

@virgo! - That is so hard and I feel for you. I agree. I want to assure you that what he is doing is not okay. If you do counseling, be careful that the counselor is able to work with this kind of manipulation because not all couples counselors are. Sending strength!

Username: Mau NLMau NL

Date posted: 2y ago

Sounds like classic gaslighting to me.

Username: Virgo!Virgo!

Date posted: 2y ago

What you do with your body is your business only, therefore he shouldn’t make it his problem. I’m sure everyone does things with their appearance their partners aren’t totally obsessed with, but a general boundary is understanding that it’s really nobody’s business but your own

Username: Mau NLMau NL

Date posted: 2y ago

You don't support it but hè nevertheless continuously gives you a feeling of guilt, doesn't he? I can imagine that you don't know what to do, but from his side this really reads as if he goes far to remain in control and power. Probably because deep down he experiences deep insecurity, but that does not justify his behavior. He is allowed to feel how he feels, but he is accountable for his actions, as you are for yours. And in my opinion, you be no means do any harm to him by your decision to have a botox treatment. So stay strong, you are doing well. Don't let yourself be caged...

Username: NotSoNewb82NotSoNewb82

Date posted: 2y ago

He’s a caveman.

Username: K-MK-M

Date posted: 2y ago

@Newb82 What do you mean lol

Username: NotSoNewb82NotSoNewb82

Date posted: 2y ago

@K-M You may be required by your religion to be submissive but he does not have to nor should be obsessively overbearing. I believe we are all required to be meek.

Username: Cassie - AdvocateCassie - Adv...

Date posted: 2y ago

I do not know all the details of your relationship, but that sounds incredibly manipulative. You are super valid for feeling angry. Your body is yours to make decisions about and he cannot take that away from you.

Username: thrutheweatherthrutheweather

Date posted: 2y ago

You’ve posted a lot about your husband and I’d urge you both to go couples counselling OUTSIDE THE CHURCH. Go to a non religious counsellor or else you’ll potentially be manipulated the way by a church pastor. —- He’s constantly putting you down and expects you to go along with what he says which isn’t what being a obedient wife is religiously. You’re allowed to confront him when he’s in the wrong. You’re also allowed to do things you want… it sounds like he’s married you intending to change and control everything you do so it suits him but he has to understand that you’re your own person and he should uphold agreements you make. I’d urge you to go couples counselling and see how things go from there but this level of manipulation and control isn’t ok.

Username: thrutheweatherthrutheweather

Date posted: 2y ago

@thrutheweather The same way he’s manipulating you by a church pastor**

Username: K-MK-M

Date posted: 2y ago

I don’t know what to do anymore. After lots of arguing he finally just said to go do it, he doesn’t like it, but he’ll keep his agreement. Ever since then he’s told me how upset he is and my appt is today and when I woke up i just had a pit in my stomach because of the tension. My heart was racing and I was just so anxious right when I woke up because I can tell how upset he is. He said that he’d never do something he wanted if I didn’t support it and I just feel so guilty about it but I’m still doing it, so what does that say about me?

Username: K-MK-M

Date posted: 2y ago

@K-M Just really stinks.

Username: vgbvgb

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

Not a fan of being told what I can and can’t do by ANYONE! If my husband even says stuff joking I do the opposite!

Username: Mau NLMau NL

Date posted: 2y ago

Sorry for the typos. Dutch auto correction. I hope you understand what i meant to say

Username: K-MK-M

Date posted: 2y ago

@Mau NL Yes of course I do understand and I really appreciate your comment. I am just really disappointed. We’ve been married less than a year and although we’ve had many many happy times, the bad times are so bad they just push me further and further away.

Username: Mau NLMau NL

Date posted: 2y ago

Big hug dear. I feel your pain

Username: K-MK-M

Date posted: 2y ago

@Mau NL Thank you so much I appreciate it

Username: vgbvgb

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

Marriage is work. It is not easy I’ve been married for 36 years. I am Lucky and happy. We had some bumps but I never felt threatened or like I could not be myself. I feel For you. This doesn’t sound so healthy dear friend. It’s a partnership and it should feel good like you have a refuge and safe place in your husband…you sound like a great person and you deserve nothing less….

Username: K-MK-M

Date posted: 2y ago

I feel really stuck right now because he says I’m not submitting and I’m going against God

Username: thrutheweatherthrutheweather

Date posted: 2y ago

@K-M He’s not God. Remind him that you made an agreement and he’s broken it. Religiously that’s disliked —- marriage counselling but you need to stay open to divorce. This is spiritual abuse. —- nobody else can help you, we can only offer advice. You need to start actively seeking marriage counselling outside the church.

Username: vgbvgb

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

Hé is sick. Run don’t walk out of this !

Username: K-MK-M

Date posted: 2y ago

@vgb He’s my husband I said my vows… it’s not as easy. I wish it was sometimes.

Username: vgbvgb

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

I’m sorry. Being unhappy and manipulated is not ok. Marriage or not. Good luck to you

Username: Korndavis Korndavis

Date posted: 2y ago

It sounds like he's using religion to manipulate you

Username: K-MK-M

Date posted: 2y ago

So many times I’ve just not even wanted to go home, or when the fights are so bad I want to stay the night with my parents, but then he tells me marriage isn’t for me cause I run from my problems.

Username: K-MK-M

Date posted: 2y ago

By no means am I saying I am perfect!! I am so incredibly flawed I need God’s grace everyday. I am just really sad.

Username: lovely5

Date posted: 5y ago

I've been married for a year. My husband has completely changed. Lost his job. No motivation. Etc. I would rather be miserable with him than without him. But today I'm just frustrated and lost. I've thought about what it would be like to crash my car. Idk I don't want to die. I just want him to get his shit together and idk how to get him to listen because he won't.

Username: celticprincess

Date posted: 4y ago

My compulsion is seeking reassurance. I go to my husband about every single worry (usually about contamination). It’s ruining my marriage, but I’m struggling so much with this and as hard as I try, I keep running my worries by him. It’s so hard on him and I want to stop this. Can anyone relate / help? Thanks in advance

Contamination OCD

Username: ctmont

Date posted: 4y ago

First, let me preface this with that I am not seeking reassurance with this post. I just need to put it out into the ether. I’ve had OCD in one form or another my entire life. Only last June it morphed into rOCD really bad and I had a nervous breakdown. With all the stress that I am under not only as a teacher during COVID, but a mother of two young children, I’ve been spiking like crazy. Everything my husband does annoys me. He is dealing with his own mental health issues but self medicated daily with booze and pot. He has just started seeing a virtual therapist. My sex drive is at an all time low and when I’m spiking I don’t even want to be touched. He has worked really hard in a short amount of time to be supportive and understanding of my triggers, but sometimes his human side comes out and he makes me feel bad about my OCD. “I just want to have sex with my wife. You don’t love me anymore, I disgust you.” Which of course makes me spike even more. I know avoiding sex is part of my compulsions but I’m just so mentally, emotionally, and physically taxed that sex is the furthest thing from my mind. He, at times, can be cruel and spiteful and almost give me the silent treatment the next day after he’s asked for sex and I’ve said no. I just don’t know what to do. I’m also on an SSRI which could be affecting my libido. I know it’s not fair to him at all and any normal person would be frustrated by me. Any ideas on how to quell the rage and resentment that he has against me is greatly appreciated.

Relationship OCD

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