- Date posted
- 2y
please read this and help me
I'm gonna get straight to topic. So when I was in high school.. i had this boy in class..i was usually very quiet and most of it was because of social anxiety. So this boy is very mysterious, and is quiet too. But knows tons of things and hobbies. We somehow began to get along well with each other. I wanted to know him better, i still want to do. He introduced me to kpop and BTS. And i think that has helped me a lot during my hard times. We never really talked a lot about things, but just rather shared some words about our hobbies and tv shows etc etc. And as far as i know .. he caught some feelings towards me.. idk how to else to explain. I am definitely ace The usual staring and stuff. I was scared. I don't even know why. I didn't want him to do this stuff. I just only really wanted to be very great friends. And then i kept ignoring everything he did. The staring and following me after classes . I ignored all of it as if it was very normal. And idk why but I'm still scared. Mostly scared of being in a relationship. I don't have a particular reason. He never actually confessed tho.. after we graduated school, he texted me the same year when i was in college. We had a smalll talk. And then i texted him after a few months.. again a very small talk .. and he didn't seem interested. Or just felt like he was either mad at me or probably just bothered by some personal stuff. We haven't talked after that. It's been more than a year i guess. Idk I'm just a bit worried. I have OCD and im sort of depressed as well. I Feel like it was me who dragged him into it because i was the one who somehow i initiated a conversation. And as usual the people I'm attracted to, when they're attracted to me, i begin to feel scared and afraid and don't really feel the same attraction. I feel guilty that i dragged him into this, and then ignored him completely when he wanted to talk about it. And I'm worried about him too, i don't know how to contact him. I don't have his number now.amd it'll be too awkward to contact now after this long. But my guilt won't stop. It's probably because of ocd but i just don't know. I keep feeling guilty that i didn't show any care. Tho I'd love to know him even know. He's an amazing and beautiful person!! I know even if we didn't talk much. But i can't get back to it because i made things more awkward. But these thoughts keeps coming back to back to me. Why is this so?