I have been struggling with rumination. I know it has to do with ADHD. The rumination is showing up as real event OCD. How do I learn from past mistakes without feeling like a total jerk for them? How do I move on but still take accountability for my actions?
I feel this. I actually just brought this up to my therapist recently so I'm hoping the journey of learning about it will yield good results for me. We're in it together.
@meep.meep thank you for sharing! I appreciate you
@ragtimehippy No problem, thank you for sharing as well
I’m going through this, i try to tell myself ‘it doesn’t matter’ and it’s just ocd but it’s hard :(
@Gvocdgirl I’m glad I’m not alone and I’m sorry you’re going through this too. We’re in this together ♥️
I deal with this so much
@Volkswagen123@ ugh I’m sorry you have to deal with this too.
I think it's okay to have uncertainty here. We can't know if we're executing accountability perfectly and that's okay. I think "pursuing" is a better word for it than "executing" anyway because learning and growth are ongoing processes. I think a simple and helpful definition of accountability is just "owning that you made a mistake and taking responsibility for it", and honestly, I think that's an ongoing process too. I know a compulsion of mine has been to wish that the mistake had never happened. I think there's an unhealthy amount of pressure in our culture right now on people to not make certain mistakes; and like if you've made certain mistakes then people act like you're no longer worthy of love and belonging. It sucks. So I try to define accountability for myself and remember that it's important to practice for the sake of my relationships with the people I care about, so that they stay healthy. But as for everybody else, I can't please everybody and I shouldn't have to act like I'm perfect or that I'm living up to some perfect standard of accountability in order to earn other people's approval. The piece that seems to be more difficult for me is self-compassion. Allowing uncertainty of whether I'm practicing accountability "perfectly" or not has actually helped me with that. I seem to be more gentle on myself when I let that ide of perfection go. I've also started trying to appreciate feelings of guilt as something that points me back toward the importance of connection with other people, but without letting it consume me in a spiral of depression and anxiety and without acting like I don't need to feel guilty. It's a tricky balance. I've gotten advice from a lot of people that is along the lines of "you don't have anything to feel guilty about". And to me it seems like a red flag to act like I don't feel guilty when I actually do, that just doesn't seem honest. But it has helped me to try to honor my feelings of guilt as a part of the human experience and as meaningful, like they might have something to teach me, and if I can do it with an open mind and self compassion, then I'm willing to learn. However, without ruminating about it. Haha. Another one of those ongoing processes and not something I need to have figured out perfectly/immediately. This is where I'm at with it. I would like to feel more self-forgiving if I'm being honest. Because truthfully, everybody does make mistakes, they are part of being human, and I don't think we deserve to feel terrified or self-hating because of them.
@meep.meep thank you so much for this! I really needed that. It was perfectly said. I never thought about why my mistakes bothered me so much. but it makes sense because I’m in a society that wants everyone to be perfect
I know that's a lot to read. Just wanted to share some thoughts haha.
@meep.meep it’s amazing! thank you
@ragtimehippy No problem, I am thankful to share and glad that some of the things I said ended up being helpful to you :) thank you for opening up as well!
Hi everyone, I’m new here, and I wanted to share my experience. I’ve been struggling for over a year now on obsessing over a mistake. And the rumination of the mistake I made has been overwhelming and exhausting in those two years. I feel like such a horrible person. At the time, I didn’t realize what I was doing would affect me so much. When I realized it was wrong, I just said I’ll never do it again, and I moved on. But then months later, I was reminded of what I did, and I felt like I did the worst thing in the world, and that my life will never be normal again. And ever since then, it’s been a constant thought. And it’s exhausting. I have been able to open up to my family and a close friend about it and their reactions were so nonchalant compared to what my brain has been telling me. They say it wasn’t even that bad, and that I shouldn’t be beating myself up. I tell them how badly I feel and they just act like it was nothing. I thought that would help, but my brain continues to tell me how horrible of a person I am and I obsess over this one mistake I made two years ago. I’ve learned from it, I’ve moved on, I’ve opened up about it, I’ve gotten reassurance, but yet it still eats at me. It’s constant some days. Where all I wanna do is lay down in a corner and never leave. I feel like my life will never be normal again and I’ll never experience happiness again. Whenever I smile or feel any type of joy my brain tells me to stop and reminds me that I’m a bad person and I don’t deserve to be happy. Even though everyone tells me what I did wasn’t even that bad. And that it doesn’t make me who I am. But guess it’s not enough and I’m really running out of options.
There’s this one situation that I haven’t stopped thinking about from last night . So basically, I was reading 'The power of Now' which is a book that I love so much and really got me into spirituality. It’s been so helpful for my OCD and rumination but it’s also been pretty triggering for it as of late, so I’ve taken a long break from consistently reading it. The excerpt I read was about abundance and how its not about being bountiful, necessarily in material things but realizing and being grateful for the things that exist in your life now and in doing so, you will open yourself up to more good things. I understood it but I re-read it a lot because I didn't feel confident enough to explain it to someone else. but otherwise I LOVED IT. It made me feel so at peace, I agreed with it, and it gave me hope to start focusing on the good things in my life rather than the bad. So when I went to bed I rehearsed myself explaining it to someone on a podcast and then all these questions started flooding in like “why should I only focus on the good and aren't we supposed to accept the good and bad? Aren’t those the values of Buddha and spirituality” “Ya, we're supposed to accept the good and the bad but why?- so we can feel more good??? And isn't the point of OCD to not label things as good and bad? and why should I focus on the good- so I can feel good? why should I feel good? because I'm worthy of it? why am I worthy of it? because I'm a good person and do good things? well I’ve also done bad things so why shouldn't I consider that. I just don’t understand why I should feel good without it being selfish. And then this went on for like 2 or 3 hours. Like holy shit. I over explain these ideas and concepts that I resonate with to the point where they don't even make sense to me anymore. It becomes very existensial very quick. And I’m not suicidal but these questions make me feel hopeless in society for some reason?? And myself. Like if everything contradicts everything then what’s the point to life? If nothing can be understood or explained in a senseful way, then how do people move forward and make decisions, like AT ALL? There’s never a right or perfect answer and I feel like with any decision I make in regards, I’m doing a compulsion either way. If I don’t answer them, then I’m avoiding it and if I do then I’m checking and seeking reassurance. I’m sorry if this was way too long and over-explained I just need some advice or to know if anyone can relate in any way. Also, I’m sorry if some of those back-to-back questions were triggering.
Due to real event ocd and past mistakes? I’ve been actively trying to work on this and try to accept and not pay too much attention to it but the confession thing has been bugging me but I’m also trying to accept that I don’t need to confess every single mistake I’ve made and we’ve all made mistakes Recently I’ve been wanting to work on myself and be more positive but because of my real events in childhood, I feel like I can’t live a normal life or deserve a normal life.
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