- Date posted
- 2y
Chemicals š
I have been thinking about the negative consequences of long-term anti-depressant use on my organs. I keep telling myself that I'm going to get liver failure, or kidney disease, or something else like that, because of it not being a natural substance. But I haven't got a choice, I require it for a quality of life, as vitamins and supplements never seemed to do the trick for very long (probably just placebo effect at the very most). I may even be on this synthetic stuff for the rest of my life. I have specifically been on Escitalopram in the past (taken for 3 whole years, and on the maximum dose). I'm on Zoloft now, I needed a switch after the unexpected addition of a new mental illness (which at the time, I couldn't really afford to get any worse, couldn't even imagine it. But I guess everything is a learning experience or happens for a reason), and because it is more in alignment with my unique array of mental illnesses and their symptoms, which is best described as a fluctuation I've had between feeling depressed and then only neutral - due to either a mild, a-typical expression of bipolar disorder that doesn't include the elated, high, or "up" side - as if only swinging halfway, or PMS, or both (there is no longer a "drastic" change in my mood from the beginning of a month to the end of it, or it at least isn't as noticeable, suggesting that my meds are working to some degree). I also have OCD in the mix, otherwise why would I even have this app (major obvious š), and as of recently the onset of PTSD from being bullied. Zoloft is apparently only slightly stronger, with both brands of medication still being considered under "the milder ones of their class." But how are my insides going to be functioning in the next 10 years from now? Or 20? Or 30? Ugh. So much bodily wear and tear can accumulate over decades... * Side Note: My PTSD is also improving, because I was finally able to get justice, closure, and advocation. I still get a little nervous, tense, and on edge anytime I hear the landline ring, a knock at the door, or the doorbell, at the thought that it might be "her," a.k.a "that b*tch" again. But this will fade more and more over time, until I eventually just find these sound cues exciting like before. A sign of company rather than a threat.