Struggling with intrusive thoughts during pregnancy; seeking support and advice.

Hello! I want to introduce myself, I am Pamela. I am currently pregnant 28 weeks. I have developed Harm OCD with myself and others. and I feel as if I have Pure OCD as well. I felt as though I was getting better but the thoughts have came back and they seem a lot more scarier. I feel like I can’t do this pregnancy thing and the whole family thing. I just recently quit my job because I can’t get adequate sleep at night anymore and My anxiety is soooo bad all the time, especially at work. I am also struggling with being afraid of developing what mental illness my mother had. I have been afraid of being possessed by a demon because I KNOW this isn’t me. I have always been scared of those kinds of things anyway, I had watched something with Jeffery Duhmer and a few other things and now I have been worried what if I’m like him , I used to think how could someone do those kinds of things and now I’m thinking what if I want to do those things?? what if I have no emotion? I haven’t been able to cry lately, i feel sort of numb and that also scares me because normally I would cry over a movie, or something silly. I want to cry, I want to be genuinely happy and I want to feel the way I did before I developed this terrible illness. I feel crazy to be even talking about my thoughts, and I feel stupid . I have started Zoloft maybe a month and a half ago and I am also worried that the medicine isn’t working properly and is making me worse. I haven’t stopped taking it but I definitely have thought about it. But I’m also worried that if I do stop taking it my anxiety and depression will get worse. Here lately I have been feeling like I will never get better and I just want to die, I have been wanting to birth this baby and just give her to my boyfriend and then go away , I don’t know where I’d go but I feel as though I don’t deserve to be here anymore. Im so tired , like exhausted but I keep pushing like I’m not. I keep pretending that I am happy. I don’t know what to do or where to start. Please someone help me in what I need to do to begin my journey, even though I’m completely and utterly terrified to do just about anything because I’m scared of triggering these thoughts , or even new ones .. Please I am really not looking for reassurance, I just wanted to share what I personally have been going threw, and I want options on what I should begin with to get better ?

I need some serious help and I don't start treatment until the 20th and my therapist is on vacation. My thoights have gotten so much worse, to the point that I think they warrant me getting reported. I don't wanna harm/kill anyone but my thoughts make it seem like Im a psychopath who does have a plan. I had to call the suicide hotline to make sure I didn't do anything. Id rather be locked up than to harm anyone. But just thinking of me failing at being a good mom to my son is what crushes me. Ive had panic attack after panic attack and Ive cried so much I just can't cry anymore. Im numb and disgusted with myself. I wish this was all just a nightmare

Hi all. I opened up to my psychiatrist today (my therapist and ocd therapist know) about the intrusive thoughts I've been having. The one thought would pop up over and over "child porn" and it made me so sick to my stomach because I can't believe I would think of such a thing. Then the thoughts were more dark like thinking of touching my son and even images of that happening..then came urges...and i felt so guilty and disgusted with myself :( after I told my psychiatrist ( who is currently treating me for bipolar 1) he was so concerned and told me I need to stay with my mom to make sure my son is safe. To not trust myself and have someone watch me. Well that made me feel a whole lot worse! The thoughts were actually subsiding this week and talking about it with him made the "child porn" thought pop up again. I just feel like I'm failing at life and as a mother. My immediate family think I should turn myself into a mental health facility and have intensive treatment. They think because I have those thoughts that I want to act on them or to let it go. I don't want to act on them and would never! Im scared of my thoughts and thats the problem. This is so frustrating.