Part of my ocd is about my ex boyfriend. I wrote it on here and someone said “it's not normal behaviour" well what part of ocd is normal behaviour? That's why I'm writing about it on here. I have all kinds of ocds and because this is an obsession, I am guessing it is part of my ocd. I have pocd, I have rocd, I have harm ocd, I have health ocd. Checking drives me insane. But this one could get me into trouble. I have made five different Facebook accounts to reach out to my ex. He use to respond, now he doesn't. When he did respond, he'd say things like he fucked someone and I'd do the same, I did it to make him jealous, he did it because he knew it would hurt me each time. It's been six months since we broke up. But let's not forget the fact that he fucked me a couple of months ago even though he knew I was needy. He has told me to fuck off, he has told me I'm harrassing him, but it's so hard to stop when he was the only thing that made me happy. I felt like I was worth something six months ago. Now I feel like a piece of shit that someone scraped off their shoe. Of course it's not normal behaviour, but tell me what obsession is normal. I will stop now, but I need support from you guys to not reach out again because he's a horrible man who admits he is horrible and it's been six months and all he ever said was lies and I need to realise that. Sorry about the essay, can't believe someone was so quick to tell me it's not normal, well niether are your obsessions.

I'm very sorry you're going through this...your heart is broken and it is very painful. You remind me very much of me. I love my boyfriend very much, more than my own life, so every time we get in a fight I start to literally panic out of fear of abandonment. And just like you, I think my boyfriend is the only one that gives me happiness. Now that is the huge, huge problem. We don't have self esteem, not even a tiny bit. You don't love yourself and when you don't love yourself enough you will constantly try to find approval of your worth and love from other people. When they give you that, it forms some sort of adiction. You start to feel like you can't live without that person cause they give you safety. So, your real problem is that you don't love yourself, you're insecure and you think you're not enough. You need to work on self love. It is very, very hard, I'm doing that for the past 4 months and it isn't easy or quick, but that is what will help you. People with OCD are gentle, caring, sensitive and nice and I believe you are like that which means you have a beautiful, rare soul. He is the one that lost you, you didn't lose anything. I think you messaging him is a compulsion so try to stop that but with baby steps. And remember, you deserve love and happiness and give some love to yourself, I believe in you ♡

I suspected you were abused at some time in your life :( I was abused too. People treated me like shit and that is mainly the reason why I have social anxiety and OCD. You don't have issues, the problem you have can be fixed, the reason why that will happen is because you see it. Someone who really is psycho doesn't see the issue in their behaviour. Also OCD can cause paranoid thinking, you're afraid people will laugh at you which is a consequence of the trauma you survived, and from the description I can see your ex boyfriend is not a good person and that is what's giving you fear. I have paranoid thinking too. Just last night my friend acted a bit different than usual and I can't even tell you what thing came into my mind to explain her strange behaviour, "She must be mad at me", "She hates me", "She heard something terrible about me"...I feel anxiety from the morning because of that, and I don't have any proof that what my paranoid mind is telling me is actually true. It's just paranoia and fear because of the lack of self esteem. You also have a classic OCD problem and that is accepting the uncertainty. That is very hard but it is the main thing that can cure OCD and everything that comes with it beside self love and self acceptance. You have a problem just as we all have here and you will fix it. It's great you decided that you will stop immediately. I will put you here a link from Ali Greymond about low tolerance to uncertainty, it will help you ♡ https://youtu.be/G5zTLKAKMpo

That's so lovely and sweet! Thank you so so much ❤️ I can't stop in baby steps, I have to stop completely now or else he will think I'm psycho he probably already does. I have something wrong with me I swear. I will be the laugh of where he lives if I carry on. I keep thinking he's screen shotting it and sending it to all his friends. Or that he's putting it on his Facebook but I will never know. I've been laughed at before. One girl use to screen shot my statuses when I was feeling rough, and send it to her friends and they'd all have a laugh. I feel so weak :( self love is what I need to do badly you're right. I told my mum earlier somethings wrong with me keep messaging him. Something is definitely wrong with me. I keep getting images in my mind of his showing girls that are round how desperate I am, and I keep wanting reasurance but I don't get any because he doesn't reply. I want him to speak to me and be kind so I know I'm not a laughing stock. It's been six months apart and I didn't date him long at all. That's what's psycho about it. Probably three months I was with him. See? I have issues. But self love is needed and definitely cutting ties and never messaging him ever again, not even if he needs me because he has never been there for me

Sorry for my late reply! Bless you ❤️ well I have had ocd since I was 3... And I don't know if I was or not really.. True.. At least I see me messaging him was an issue, I haven't today or yesterday.. It's been hard but he is a selfish man and I need to see that. Yeah he was actually similar to the devil. I shouldn't say that but that description fits perfectly. He was perfect whilst I was with him for the first month and then after that, I saw his evil true colours. I wish he could change I'm scared for him really. I'm scared that God will have serious judgements about him one day, but that isn't my problem. Yeah people act differently for all kinds of reasons. You sound lovely so I doubt she acted different on purpose you know? Thank you for the link lovely! I will add it to my watch later. I've been so terribly anxious today that tonight I think I just need to route through this app and see how everyone else is doing xx