Guys how long does the backdoor spike last? I am starting to believe that maybe I dont love my boyfriend and I dont want that

I wish I could tell you when:/ I wish I could tell you progress is always linear. I’ve begged for these answers myself. OCD sucks. Feel free to go scream in your pillow, indulge a bit in some chocolate or something, break down crying. You don’t always have to be strong. But know that you will always be stronger than this. You have what it takes, even in your lowest, most chaotic moments. You have a community of support behind you every step of the way. There is always hope. OCD is never real - it will always be “what if’s” told to you as facts. Reality sneakily clothed in discomfort. You are in control, even when you feel completely out of control. These are the lies OCD tells. These are the normal, physiological responses. But xMariax, you do you. Because even through all of this, you’re badass;) I believe in you - the you underneath OCD’s lies - the one who will win?

Thank you so much!! Its just that I had been doing really good for days but then the anxiety left and the backdoor spike came in and then I started to get worried about not feeling anything and now I feel again like I maybe dont want to be with my partner but I dont want to think nor feel like that

It’s really isn’t a bad thing, I’m in the backdoor spike I don’t get anxiety anymore. I’m scared that I’m actually gay. I come on this app for reassurance so I know I need to delete it. I delete and then feel the urge to get it again, “just to check it” when I’m really looking for reassurance. I can’t tell what’s real and what’s fake anymore

❤️ I feel that. It’s always something:( Our track record for getting through terribly bad days is 100%, though. When you’re ready - shove that in OCD’s face. Maybe the hopelessness and fear will still be there, but coping through it every.single.day. is something to take pride in. You just gotta be here when things click into place:) Because they will. Your endurance has brought you this far, and this community is here to lift you up as you fight the next saga. You are you no matter what OCD says. Don’t lose hope in that, xMariax.