Guys how long does the backdoor spike last? I am starting to believe that maybe I dont love my boyfriend and I dont want that

Lately, I’ve been feeling like something has changed in me — like I have changed, and like my feelings for my boyfriend have faded or shifted. It’s one of the worst sensations I’ve ever felt. I keep thinking things like “I don’t love him like before” or “I’ve changed too much to feel anything now.” Sometimes when he calls me or makes a joke, I get irritated for no reason. I feel like I’m being mean, cold, disconnected — and then guilt crashes down on me. I remember how I used to feel: warm, close, expressive. And now… I just don’t feel the same. That makes me think: “Maybe I’ve fallen out of love.” But I’m also constantly anxious. I overthink every moment. I can’t relax into anything without analyzing if what I feel is “right.” It makes me wonder — maybe I haven’t actually changed. Maybe I’m just overwhelmed and tired from months of these thoughts and fears. I don’t know how to feel right now. I just want to believe that this disconnection isn’t proof that love is gone, but a sign that I’m scared and burnt out.

my thoughts are screaming at me telling me that i dont want my relationship anymore and that i realized i lost feelings. i have a beautiful relationship of two years with a beautiful boy that loves me dearly and i deal with this thoughs for a year and a half. Im so scared it feels so real im scared i have changed and my last therapy session made it worse she basically told me i have to realise the thoughts are true and stop lying to myself. And made me think i am so scared and heartbroken bc i put high expectations on myslef to be with my boyfriend for all my life. Maybe i dont want to hurt him??? im always questioning my feelings for him 24/7 for over a year. I wm tierd

Right now I feel like I’ve realized something awful. Like maybe… I never truly loved my boyfriend. Maybe in the beginning I was just excited to be in a relationship. Maybe I confused that excitement with real love. And when the intrusive thoughts started, maybe it wasn’t ROCD — maybe it was the truth hitting me. I write this and it feels real. That’s the scariest part. It feels calm and clear and like maybe I’ve just been lying to myself all along, holding on because I “should,” not because I truly want to. I can’t remember how it felt to love him — and that makes it worse. I feel so disconnected, so numb, like nothing makes sense anymore. Every time I try to feel something for him, it feels like I’m faking it. Like I’m playing a role, not being myself. But the thing is… I’m not at peace. If this was really the truth, why does it hurt so much? Why does this “realization” come with panic, guilt, emptiness, and so much fear? I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this — doubting myself, my feelings, and my past. I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle I can’t break, and I’m scared I’ll always feel this way. Has anyone ever felt like this before?