I’m watching the bachelorette with my brother and I’m looking at all the cute boys and I can tell their cute, but my mind is constantly messing with me. It makes me think my feelings are fake ughhh they aren’t. I know they aren’t because these boys are reallyyyyy cute??

I’m confused. I think I’ve gotten progressively more boy crazy and more of a hopeless romantic, but I’ve completely manipulated myself into thinking that boys just don’t like me and I think it’s a fact. In the past, I was confused and lost on what my sexuality was so I would be in a lot of “flirty” friendships thinking that I genuinely liked my female friends I had these friendships with but that was far from the truth. I can’t imagine myself being with a woman but for some reason it’s just easier for me to talk and flirt with them. I have trauma involving why I brainwashed myself into thinking that I’m a magnet that repels boys from me and I still think that and it’s ruining my brain. (I have a crush on this guy and texted him for the first time, he never replied!!!) which honestly proves my point even more. Am I right or is just all in my head? Some advice please!!

I’m not saying any of this to be rude or hateful in any way!! Basically, I like this guy and I really love him, but, everytime I look at this one photo of him, I keep noticing he looks unflattering and it makes me worry, because I’m scared what if he’s ugly? And why does that even matter? Why can’t I just love him in peace without having to check his photo to make sure he’s not ugly? Like that sounds really rude and disrespectful and it hurts even more to know that he’s self conscious and I would NEVER want to hurt him so I don’t tell him I check his photo to make sure he’s not ugly, I get anxious when I notice/feel that he is unattractive/unflattering, so I check till I feel certain that I don’t think he’s ugly, why do I even do this? Why does it matter? Why does my brain make it difficult to even look at a photo without worrying, can I be normal? I say “I think he’s cute/I love him” to his photo and my brain is like “nope cuz he’s unattractive” then I get worried and for what??? I ask myself why do I care and I genuinely don’t know

I was in this game with this person and I noticed his voice was deep, and his avatar looked attractive to me?? and my brain was like “his voice is so??? And his avatar kinda fine too” like omg, shut up, I’m not taken yet but I still want to be in this relationship with this other guy, I feel like there’s nothing I can do and I’ll always be a cheater, I don’t even know how I feel, like do I actually want to cheat??? And it freaks me out because I don’t even know how I feel? Because sometimes I’ll get a feeling that agrees with it, like I’ll have that feeling that wants me to date them and then I’ll hear something like “yeah I would” / “yeah I agree with that” ,, now I feel like I’ll be a cheater and I’m really scared, I would NEVER cheat, nor would I trade this boy for anything, but I can’t do it. I just need to know what to do.