A week ago I was fine. Or at least better than other moments, so the anxiety started to reduce. At the beginning I was like "Great!" but then on Sunday I started to notice it more and more and I started to worry that maybe the lack of anxiety meant I just dont love him anymore. These past 3 days have been all about thinking and analyzing if I truly stopped loving him or if its rOCD. What has been worrying me is that I havent gone to a professional yet, so I havent been diagnosed with OCD. I never have; I have never gone to a psychologist. However, all of this started like 3 almost 4 months ago and I had such a bad time. I didnt even want to get out of bed to face how I was feeling because I wanted to feel happy with my boyfriend, but 3 weeks ago I found out about rOCD and I read about the obsessions and compulsions and it was like describing me. I instantly felt a relief to know that there was not necessarily something bad with my relationship or my boyfriend, it could be just rOCD. So I have been trying to work on ot but sometimes I just give in. And these 3 days I havent really felt anxiety so I have just been thinking and analyzing to see if it is because I dont want to be with him anymore. Right now I feel nothing, I have been creating scenarios of me just being with my partner to see how I feel and sometimes I only imagine me feeling like I have been feeling these months. I even imagined myself breaking up with him just to see how I would feel and in one moment I even felt sick to think about it, but then I imagined that again and I felt nothing and that scared me because I dont want to stop loving him. I dont want that, I want to be with him and I want to feel all the love that he deserves and Im scared because I dont even know if this is actually rOCD because I practically self-diagnosed. Sorry for this guys, I guess Im just venting because I feel terrible right now! Once again Im at the point in which I feel a little uncomfortable when he tells me he loves me because I start to question "Do i feel it too? How do I feel when i read that he loves me? What if I tell him I love him but I dont and hurt him?" Im just tired of feeling this way.

Username: xMariaxxMariax

Date posted: 5y ago

Thank you so so so much!♡ Im probably going to see a professional next week but I dont think she specializes in OCD and I feel they will just think I dont love my boyfriend and that I just am not able to face that truth. But reading this gives me hope because sometimes I feel like I cant do this on my own or that I will never feel fine again, and Im constantly afraid of not loving my boyfriend anymore. Ill give it a try ti what you commented, seriously, thank you♡♡♡

Username: you.are.enoughyou.are.enough

Date posted: 5y ago

I understand you. It can be expensive. And I totally understand that fear. That's why it's important to go to someone who specializes in OCD if you decide to see a professional. Other types of therapists will not be helpful in treating OCD in particular. If you're interested in resources, I recommend checking out the International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) website. There's also some great therapists on Instagram who post helpful content. Some of my favorites are @kimberleyquinlan @mindonfire_ocd @yourmindisamuscle and @theshrinkwrap I've also heard of a YouTuber named Ali Greymond who posts videos on OCD. I highly recommend listening to the OCD Stories podcast--they even have episodes focused on ROCD in particular. Here's also a link to a workbook I have that has sections on different themes of OCD, including ROCD: https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786/ref=mp_s_a_1_2_sspa?keywords=ocd+workbook&qid=1559792402&s=gateway&sr=8-2-spons&psc=1 It's possible to treat yourself for OCD without a therapist. It may be more challenging, but it's worth it ♡

Username: xMariaxxMariax

Date posted: 5y ago

Have you gone through periods in which you feel like you dont feel anything? Like not even towards your partner? I dont know if that is a result of the backdoor spike or what but it also scares me

Username: you.are.enoughyou.are.enough

Date posted: 5y ago

I feel for you. I can relate to a lot of what you're experiencing. Is there any reason you haven't gone to a psychiatrist?

Username: xMariaxxMariax

Date posted: 5y ago

Well, I dont have the money. And also Im afraid they will tell me that I dont really love my partner or that I dont have OCD and I will have to face like my true feelings. Im terrified of that.

Username: you.are.enoughyou.are.enough

Date posted: 5y ago

Yes, I've gone through that. There have been times I feel completely emotionless and just indifferent toward my boyfriend.

Username: ? ilshid? ilshid

Date posted: 5y ago

Reading parts of your post was like reading something that I wrote myself last month... After discovering the existence of ROCD I feel so much better most of the time because I feel normal and it makes so much sense, like everything fits. I know what the trigger was and I understand now why my brain reacted the way it did. I still relapse every few days but it only lasts for a little bit because I think I know how to fight it now. I was wondering if you have any updates? Did you end up seeing the professional? How are you feeling now a days?

Username: landhouse

Date posted: 5y ago

how long should my obsessive thoughts last about my boyfriend if i have rocd ? usually i have a bad period where i think i have lost feelings for him and then it comes back but i’ve been feeling anxious and having these constant thoughts for days now. i’m trying not to do my compulsions but even when i do i don’t get the feeling of loving him back i just don’t get the constant thoughts and anxiety. is this rocd or do i actually just not like my boyfriend ? i’m not formally diagnosed with rocd but i have done so much research and my habits and thoughts sound exactly like examples of those suffering from rocd. i thought that i had it and now i’m scared i don’t and i just don’t love him. but then i also know that that’s another symptom of rocd that the ocd convinces you that you don’t actually have rocd and you just don’t have feelings for them so now i’m scared and confused. can anyone tell me if they think that i have rocd please

Relationship OCD

Username: Sapphic Soph

Date posted: 4y ago

This is so long ah I’m so sorry. I’m really just trying to get all my thoughts out/ see if anyone feels similarly/ and what they’ve found helps. I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD, but I’ve looked into it a lot and feel that I might have ROCD. (I was once diagnosed with anxiety, but didn’t keep up with therapy because my parents weren’t keen on it.) Now I really want to invest in it to get a formal diagnoses/help, and I’m going to start looking into that. I’m scared that this isn’t ROCD, and I’m truly just in the wrong relationship, or not actually in love with my partner. But then sometimes I’m certain it is? We’ve been together for a year and a couple of months, and it has been wonderful. She makes me feel so loved and so understood. She is my best friend. But this summer when we were on break from school I started getting major doubts once I’d found out about ROCD and some of my thoughts lined up with it’s description. I’d already started to have doubts before the summer. She is the first person I‘ve slept with, and it took a while for me to have an orgasm, and that made me freak out and start to question my attraction towards her/our compatibility. Every time we’d have sex I’d worry over this. (Though I also think it has to do with me not knowing what I wanted/what I liked in bed) Our sex life got better but I still had obsessive thoughts. I have them daily - “what if I don’t love her” or “what if this isn’t the right relationship” or “should I be dating someone else” When I’m with her I’m constantly checking. If we kiss, I’ll analyze how it feels (or how it doesn’t) and the same thing goes for when she compliments me or says she loves me. I’ll say I love her but something in my brain will say “but do you really?” Honestly, I’ve gotten to the point where when I think of her or am with her it makes me so anxious. I literally feel it in my stomach and chest. It’s so hard to deal with. I can’t make it stop. I think part of it is that I’m anxious that I’ll feel anxious/start to have obsessive thoughts, so I get anxious? I just want to be able to think of her and be around her and not feel so scared and anxious and always checking. I feel like my anxiety isn’t letting me truly experience my relationship.

Relationship OCD

Username: sofie_

Date posted: 2y ago

so i dont really know where to start this off other than saying I haven’t been diagnosed with ROCD but it’s the only label I can associate with. For the past two weeks I’ve felt extremely anxious and keep thinking “What if I’m using my boyfriend?” Or “what if I just see him as a friend and not my boyfriend?” Or “he deserves someone who truly loves him” even though I know deep down I love him. we’ve been dating for a month and these thoughts just started occurring two weeks ago and it pushed me into a mental drought where I couldn’t eat, focus, and I lost the motivation to do a lot. it’ll get so bad where I just wish I was back to my normal happy self but then my brain questions whether I was ever truly happy or just lying. I feel like a terrible girlfriend and Ive communicated to him that I haven’t been feeling the best mentally and I’ve reminded him that if he ever wanted to end things, he has every right to but when I tell him those things, my brain immediately says that I’m just saying those things so he can break up with me so I don’t have to feel guilty about breaking up with him. But I don’t want to break up with him. I don’t know what to do anymore and it all feels so hopeless

Relationship OCD

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