How to properly take responsibility?

That sounds very confusing. I think you should assess this mindset the same you do for ocd. Maybe you are what your fears are telling you, maybe you are not. That is super scary, I know. I find that having a lot of compassion and focusing too much on others can cloud how we think of ourselves. You seem scared so focused on how your actions effect others you are not realizing how you overthinking that is effecting you and your mental health. You are allowed to give your self a break. We are all human and we make mistakes. We have to be reminded that everything is not black and white. This situation seems really complicated and it’s annoying to say but there may be no clear answer to if you or the other person should take more responsibility and accepting that is super important. Everyone has their own point of view and experiences that influence their judgement. You can’t control how you feel, if you feel hurt or frustrated just recognize that is how you are feeling. That has nothing to do with the reflection of your character. I am not an expert in recognizing having a victim complex or anything complicated like that. Talking to your therapist will definitely help. Don’t go on the the internet that will definitely confuse you more and make the whole situation worse lol. And remember to be kind to yourself. You are right it is important that we take responsibility for our actions even if the cause is bad mental health or illness. That doesn’t mean we can be more forgiving or use that experience to learn from. We should be more forgiving to ourselves because we have to struggle more then others.

This is HARD but I’m super proud of you for taking ownership and holding yourself accountable. Kudos to you! Not everything is cut and dry, especially when navigating a situation like this. As someone who ruminates and has mental compulsions aplenty, I can understand accepting the situation is HARD! There’s so much uncertainty with relationships and so much ambiguity in situations like this. It’s possible to take responsibility for your actions while still feeling a lot of emotions about the situation and people involved in the situation. When you take responsibility for your own side of things, you can’t expect the other party involved to also automatically take ownership of their bad actions. You could explain how you felt when X happened, but it’s entirely up to them in how they respond to that. Depending on the situation, it can take time for others to process your apology. You could ask them what they need from you to make this better (time, space, etc) Repairing relationships can take time and work. Ultimately, i think you gotta accept what’s done is done. It’s time to move forward in your actions and continue to show up as the responsible person you hope to become. In my experience, that has led to healing relationships. It’s hard. It can be messy. But it’s worth it in the end. Good luck.