Feeling tossed back and forth by doubt

Both, I think. The passage does give me anxiety in a few different ways, but the dissonance is the reason I brought it up.

@Anonymous It is totally valid to feel tired after doubting, it’s incredibly frustrating and I’m sorry you have to go through it. Maybe this reframing of the passage can help: I feel that OCD doubt and a person without OCD’s doubt is very different. People with OCD don’t ask to be born with it, it’s a hard, painful disorder that generates doubt in us. But we fight everyday for a normal life despite the circumstances, and that makes us— you— extremely brave. I’m not of this faith, but I feel that perhaps the passage refers to the doubt in people who don’t suffer from OCD symptoms — it’s more a question of courage for them to have faith in the Lord. The passage is written to emphasize that Christians should not doubt the Lord— maybe not meant to say that they can’t have any doubt at all? I may not be of the same faith as you, but I’d like to believe your Lord is extremely proud of you and has a lot of love for you for fighting doubt despite having OCD (which was never your choice to have) :)

@bumblebee_bumbling I have told others about this passage and how it makes me feel, and they all seem to have a very similar answer as the one you suggested. But, I guess one thing I'm trying to say is, even if I were to believe this, I would very likely doubt again, and go right back to my previous feelings, you know? Relapsing. I've already had a big relapse, and I keep going back and forth with my thoughts at the moment.

@Anonymous ah, apologies if the comment was not helpful or reassurance giving! I may have interpreted this as just helping someone reconnect w their faith instead of recognizing it as a part of spirituality OCD, I’m sorry for that! In this case, I would say ERP on this app should be very helpful if you haven’t started and also there’s the free zoom counseling so you feel more heard w a professional in the space! I will link it below:

@Anonymous https://app.treatmyocd.com/support-groups I hope this helps ❤️ but remember to take care of yourself holistically and do the things you love, you deserve it after a tiring day ❤️ best of luck

@bumblebee_bumbling No worries! :) It's not that it wasn't helpful, and I don't know that I'd call it reassurance either. My therapist even tried explaining these verses too like you did, and I don't think he was trying to give me reassurance either. I have been doing ERP about these verses (for one reason; there's a few things about this spot on my mind), but my point in bringing it up now is mostly just to say that I've been a bit upset about the unstable decisions and feelings that come with OCD, thinking one thing then the opposite, and back and forth. And yes, I'm sure ERP is the best way to go about this. And thank you for your responses :)

@bumblebee_bumbling And I haven't tried the support groups yet. Have you?

@Anonymous No problem! And I haven’t yet :-0 but I’m also thinking of maybe starting a discord server for more chill just making friends, if I get around to it I’ll tag you!

@bumblebee_bumbling That sounds fun! But I was actually thinking about deleting my discord and other social media accounts. Sorry about that... Thanks for the invitation, though! :)

@bumblebee_bumbling I know only a small portion of people on the internet are untrustworthy, and most aren't bad people, but I guess I'm just asking you to be careful with yourself out there. Don't give information you aren't comfortable giving to online friends. They'll understand. :)

@Anonymous For sure, thanks for watching out for me I totally agree! 🥺 I’m probably gonna keep it small / not give any personal info and use a nickname — I’m not sure if I’ll make it bc I too am worried about privacy but I’ll see :]]

@bumblebee_bumbling If you want, maybe you could see if you can join one that someone else has made? I've heard of some on these discussion posts quite a few times in the past, for both Instagram and Discord. I don't know if that would be what you were looking for, though, and I don't know if it would be any different for the privacy concern. But, I you've also gotta be careful everywhere, not only on certain platforms, as well as you have to be careful with people face-to-face. And there is a difference between simply being careful and being fearful. I hope I didn't just make you afraid! 😅 I used to have a YouTube channel, but I took it down for other reasons. Now, I just don't know if I want to go back to it, for several reasons, including privacy and not being able to control the size of a channel.

@Anonymous No it’s alright it’s a very valid concern! I think I would put in measures in the server to protect it, but I’ll also think about helping moderate someone’s existing server. I do think it would be the same in terms of privacy concerns, but that goes for any public space. The upside to creating my own is I can implement safeguards against bad people ;3 but yeah thanks for looking out for me, that’s super valid! And yeah I’ll be careful and not afraid :33 ❤️❤️

@bumblebee_bumbling - Hi, it's been a long time since we talked! I was wondering, how is that Discord server idea of yours coming along?

@Anonymous Oh hi there! How sweet of you to check in. I actually had some other life obligations so I didn’t get an opportunity to make it just yet, but hopefully soon! :]

@bumblebee_bumbling Hey! I was just thinking about that reply today! I was figuring you never got the notification for it; I know the NOCD app's notifications haven't been working as good as they used to. Say, how did you find out that I sent that?

@Anonymous And boy, it hasn't even been a full year since I posted this? Just a few days short. Unbelievable... And I totally get having other obligations. :)

@Anonymous I just happened to hop on and I saw that there was an alert :] !

@Anonymous Woah yeah totally crazy! Just a year ago I was in a much worse place. Now I’m healing and dealing w other stuff but like still much better 🤗 hope ur healing too from OCD!

@bumblebee_bumbling Ok, coolio 😎

@bumblebee_bumbling My casual response is, I'm okay (that's when I don't feel like talking about it). My honest response is, I'm not doing so good. Not with the same obsession as my original post for this thread, but a different one that I still had back when I posted this. I ruminate too much, that's part of the issue right now, and it's another religious thing, something that's more important to me than the obsession of the original post here. I don't really know what to do 🤷‍♂️

@Anonymous Hey there, I wish you healing on this journey and I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. Please take this time to rest and take care of yourself — schedule hangouts with friends and spend time with family so you can be near others. That relieves stress for me, and reminds me to be present. Again, I’m sorry to hear that I hope you have time to rest, it’s very physically draining to have OCD :”)

@bumblebee_bumbling So down the road, if I decide I did wanna join, is this a bad spot to reach you, or... What?

@Anonymous Go ahead and send me a ping! I’m super interested in connecting w others who have ocd as well :> I’m not sure if I’ll make it this year but we shall see!

@bumblebee_bumbling K. Just to clarify, you mean to send you a ping on this thread, right?

@Anonymous Yeah! :]