I’ve not a single person to talk to.

That’s it. I can’t afford therapy. I’m not gonna burden the few loved ones I have with the insanity that is my mental case. I know people will freak out, wanna put me in the mental hospital. I’ve heard it all people calling me insane because I tell the truth about what’s going on with me. I do these random things online to strangers because it’s easier to confess to faceless people but strangers can’t do much can they? Most the time nobody reads anything and a lot of the time I don’t even really want them to. I just feel so alone. My girlfriend doesn’t talk to me anymore and my sister is still a minor I’m not gonna tell her shit. Maybe I should be in the mental hospital but that shit doesn’t help it never has.

Username: EFF_OCDEFF_OCD

Date posted: 2y ago

I’ve been where you are at. You begin to feel like such a burden that you isolate yourself from everyone. You start down the self hatred cycle of feeling like everyone is better off without you. You begin to feel pretty much embarrassed of your struggle and you are really afraid that the people who you are honest with about it just judge you. I’ll tell you as a fellow ocd sufferer that the biggest lie ocd wants to tell you is that you are alone in this. You ARE NOT. Oh what a liar it is. Everyone has intrusive thoughts. We all deal with anxiety and depression. Even people without ocd. I believe most people do but people with ocd just fixate on it more. You aren’t the freak that your brain tells you are. Take a breath. You seem to be in a valley right now. It’s okay to be there. It’s not your last day. You will see mountain tops again. Please hang in there. People do love you. Your ocd may be telling you otherwise but it’s very untrue.

Username: Idontknowausername Idontknowaus...

Date posted: 2y ago

@Itsheathersocd Thank you so much for your thoughts and kindness. I just don’t think I’ll ever get out of this. I don’t know how.

Username: MSR72MSR72

Date posted: 2y ago

@Idontknowausername One step at a time. Believe me, if you just take things as they come, you will be shocked at how much you can handle.

Username: LavenderGreyhoundLavenderGrey...

Date posted: 2y ago

I know how difficult it can be to explain what’s going on mentally with someone. But Ive come to learn that eventually, things will come out whether you want to talk about them or not. People will start to notice your change in moods, behaviors, or actions. Trying to suppress things is not always beneficial or healthy. Ive had to suppress so many things that I’ve experienced and lived through, along with the heart ache of my mental illnesses I suffer from. I suppressed things for so long, to the point that i started to develop physical side effects from my anxiety and stress. Having break downs in public settings. And having it affecting my work and university studies. Suffering in silence is not how any human being deserves to live. You don’t have to necessarily tell every single loved one you have what’s going on. But maybe just one person you feel you could trust? You also don’t have to indulge them with every single detail or every single thing you’re struggling with. Sometimes a simple, “I’ve been having a difficult time recently with my mental health” can be a could conversation starter when you feel comfortable.

Username: Idontknowausername Idontknowaus...

Date posted: 2y ago

@LavenderGreyhound Thank you I’m just scared to talk to the people I love. I don’t like the way they look at me.

Username: MSR72MSR72

Date posted: 2y ago

@Idontknowausername As a paranoid schizophrenic with OCD, I get this. It's why I lean so heavily on therapy communities like this. Sometimes nobody in your family will want to hear it (both my parents are passed and the rest of my family is corporate and stoic as a corn field), and that's why it's good to pay for people to listen. They do it because they'll get paid.

Username: Idontknowausername Idontknowaus...

Date posted: 2y ago

@MSR72 That’s fair I’ve talked to professionals before but I’ve also learned you gotta sugarcoat some things because where I live they jump on a reason to send you to the mental hospital.

Username: MSR72MSR72

Date posted: 2y ago

@Idontknowausername Same here. I only found out about the schizophrenia after a therapist pulled it out of me, but things got weird when I became completely honest about everything I was experiencing. So you're right. You've got this.

Username: TapDrumRollTapDrumRoll

Date posted: 2y ago

People are always gonna be looking at us for many reasons. Let them look. But I’m glad your expressing yourself here. We hear you and feel your pain. Pick just one single person to tell, when you are ready, just generalize it. Don’t go into details, because details really aren’t their business unless you think you are that comfortable. Maybe just say something like “I get very anxious sometimes and I need support. But I’m working on it. Thank you for listening. I really would appreciate you r support.” Something like that to start. ❤️

Username: Idontknowausername Idontknowaus...

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous Thanks that means a lot

Username: Little graviton

Date posted: 4y ago

No one really listens No one is there for me People are all minding their owns I don’t have a loved one. I feel alone I wish someone would really listen. Really understand this messed up mind of mine. I can’t talk to anyone I am afraid they don’t wanna listen. I am afraid i will act like a burden. Thought about texting some people i trust. Like mr. ***** or dr. *****. But I’m scared they will be like: “what’s wrong with this girl??? What on earth is going on??? We don’t care! Why did she text us??? What have she thought??? “ No one is here for me. Not even me myself. I had enough and life is being really tough lately The more goes on, the more i feel alone I admit i got no one Guess no one is interested in knowing what the hell is going on in my mind. Who cares?? Really? You know what?! Why talking to my therapist? What will she say? Just like classes Just like teachers She would say: do what i told you. Do your CBT sh*t. But i am tired of that I hate it. I love (loved) to be independent but.. I have to admit this: I really Really Need someone to rescue me Outta this thing. I am having suicidal thoughts And I can’t let them go I scratched my wrist. Help please

Username: Jay222

Date posted: 1y ago

It’s getting worse

I’m not diagnosed. Let’s just get that out of the way cause I’m tired of venting and having everyone reassuring me not knowing that. There are so many ways that THAT can be true. I’ve been doing nothing but theorizing as to how and why it can be true. There’s actual reasons why I feel like it’s true too. There’s times when those thoughts cross my mind and I get this brief sense that might mean that I may like it. I don’t wanna feel this way. I don’t wanna be this person. But saying that doesn’t mean anything. I wish I can just take a pill or press a button so I don’t have to think or feel anything anymore. Please please please don’t let it be true I just wanna cry. There’s nothing I can do to change this shit and I feel like this is who I’ve become it feels too real. Will therapy even help or when i have to talk about my thoughts will my therapist just realize I’m beyond help?

POCD

Username: Anonymoussy

Date posted: 1y ago

Suicidal Thoughts (TW)

So I’ve been having suicidal thoughts and thoughts of self harm because of incredibly bad depression and self loathing. While I know I probably won’t commit suicide, because I love my family and friends too much to hurt them like that, I also acknowledge that my mentality is incredibly fragile and I could probably change my mind and go through with if faced with any other major problem or challenge. I feel like I’m slowly losing my mind, dissociating, and losing connection with reality. I’m tired of feeling this way, and I feel like I’m losing my grip on my emotions. I feel like I’m losing myself, or I’ve already lost myself. And I keep thinking my parents probably don’t love me anymore for not being so funloving and happy as I used to be. I know this probably isn’t true but I’m just waiting for any implication they don’t love me anymore so I can go through with it. I’m hanging on for them and for the hope I can get better, but it’s hard. At one point I even thought about committing suicide after the holidays were over, so I could spend one last holiday with them. But I know things will probably get better and I’d probably regret it more than anything if I tried to go through with it. I’m holding on for dear life and I don’t know if I should tell them. I don’t want to ruin their happiness anymore than I have. I don’t want to cause any distress or pain but I just feel like I have no one else to go to. I don’t have a therapist at the moment, and I won’t talk to my friends about my mental health issues because I’m afraid they’ll pull away. But I’ve already been to the mental hospital twice in the past and it cost a lot of money and caused a lot of stress and sadness in my family. I don’t want to put them through that again. I feel like if I tell them it’ll make them resent me. I just want this all to stop and go back to the way it was years ago when I was happy and healthy. I have things I want to do, even if it’s only minor, and places I want to see. But I also feel like a failure and a disappointment and I can barely look myself in the mirror because I think I’m so ugly. A part of me just wants to give up but I’m doing my best to hang on. Should I tell them? Or should I just keep it to myself and hope it passes soon?

Suicidal OCD

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I’ve not a single person to talk to.

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