Some memories are coming up and is so bothersome. Its been 5 almost 6 years and I have confessed back than (which I shouldn’t). Weather sometimes brings those memories back but Iam staying strong sitting with this uncomfortable feeling. Just wanted to vent a little. 💜
Wow so relatable I almost developed a compulsion to apologize to my partner such a toxic cycle it was now thankfully I'm out of it but still some days are hard to suppress that urge keep going man
@SilentVoice Yes! I did a lot of apologizing and confessing to my husband but as always it doesn’t work. No more confessing for us or apologizing 😰
@SilentVoice Same, some events happened in the past and i confessed to my bf. I remember it became s compulsion to apologize all the time, like non stop. How were you able to get out of that toxic cycle?
@Anonimo05 Great question! And very true that it seems impossible guess the only way and this isn't very new ERP so exposures such as like it was very hard for me to even confront them I used to get panic attacks even in her mere presence even if that's just a glance so I started there and so definitely it freaked me out and I went on to apologize her first compulsion and then to feel better I wanted to do that again I realized it was because of the anxiety that came when I saw her so step 1 is awareness step 2 is resistance as always so I stood there shivering all along the process but once I got passed by it became better with time still after a long break when I see her like yesterday I got the sick feeling in my stomach again but then that's when cbt worked like I actually tried to change the patterns of thinking and changing her from an object of threat or a person who hates me to a person who is just totally okay with us not getting along and swify moving on and identity for my own self from a pathetic apologetic distressing human (that's what I thought of me back then) to a strong person who is a fighter .. This changed a lot for me and trust me once the physical symptoms and compulsions go away it does get easier to control the mind afterall it starts there and ultimately ends there too good luck with ya! And keep going
@Luli Yup!! We are in this together! Fighting
@SilentVoice Love your response! Thanks, i notice i do have issues with committing to ERP. It’s scary so i avoid it. It’s almost as if i want to get better but im scared of not feeling anxious anymore, like what if i feel better then it means that all this is true? Hahaha ocd is such a tricky hater. Thank you so much, i will soon start therapy again, i was before with a specialist from spain, although i live in the us, i had a bad experience here with someone not specialized in ocd, so after that i was scared to seek therapy here in the US. But I’m in the process of starting again!
@SilentVoice Omg I can relate 100% with this!!!! Thank you!
@SilentVoice Yes we are!
@Luli What has helped you? In terms of reducing the confessing and apologizing etc
@Anonimo05 With ERP I learned how to sit with the anxiety and resist the sick urge to confess and apologize, however, I haven’t had a bad episode to the point of panicking. So Iam kind of waiting if that will happen and how I will respond. Btw, therapy with someone who is not specialized in OCD can be scary and even traumatic. Make sure your therapist do specialize in OCD. You can do this! We are here for you 🥰
@SilentVoice I can relate so much of the sick feeling in the stomach when the anxiety takes over. You are absolutely right… when physical symptoms starts to go down its easier to control the mind. 🙌
@Luli Omg yes tell me about it, i was going to someone who was not specialized and oh lord they triggered my last nerve!!!! I rmbr we had a session with my bf and the therapist basically told him that i was a sack of problems lol, and even before the therapist told me to break up then. I was like what? I’m here worried my relationship might end because of the past etc, im trying to move on from my mistakes and you’re just making me more anxious, GREAT. So yes I agree, but at the same time idk how to do it because i want to take of things from the past, childhood etc and i know erp is not for that, that would be more like cbt. So i didn’t know what to do first, or if i can do 2 types of therapy at the same time but ofc 2 different specialists. Because talk therapy definitely triggered me. All the questioning, one day my last therapist asked me then why dont you break up? I was in SHOCK, i said because i love him but right away ocd kicked in “do you really love him” “you are faking it” “you are not sure about that”
When I think back on bad memories or mistakes I've made when I was younger, I wish I could start all over again. Sometimes, it gets to a point where I'll start to imagine using a permanent solution. That bothers me even more, honestly. A year ago, I didn't think about these memories daily, weekly, or even monthly. If they did cross my mind, they didn't dictate who I am as a person, then or now. I've been trying really hard not to confess or research because I don't want to go back to that point in my life where it's all I did every single day. I don't want to end things. I'm just tired :(
I have a bunch of real event/false memory and there is one that I remember I got in the middle of a horrible episode and I believed it was false but now I can’t remember why I thought it was false and now believe it could be real and it’s just bothering me so much because I want to remember the details to why I believed it was false in the first place and I’m just in a horrible spot and feel disgusting and am getting intrusive thoughts on my themes when I try to check if they are intrusive or not and I can’t function like i don’t wanna be around anyone because all I want to do is confess but I can’t because then I’ll obsess on confessing and they won’t understand.
I made a post earlier today about my past and things that happened and maybe I didn’t phrase it really in the best way haha :’)) so I’ll try and make it shorter. February has been complicated for me and recently. First my mental health was bad because of studies but I had this thought regarding my past that was a little tempting and led me to spiral on about my past, I gave into it and that really took me for a whole spin. I’ve started to open up about things that I never thought I would talk about and even slowly opening up to my therapist. These things happened in childhood and I mimicked actions I saw at a young age ( despite these things happening, it was only just one side of my childhood ) and even though it’s still not easy for me to deal with it, I often have the urge to confess and fear that it’s my intuition telling me to confess and if I don’t, something bad is going to happen or I’m a bad person. I’ve talked about my story to someone in a detailed way and to my therapist briefly and she understood and treated me with kindness but these thoughts still linger. Sometimes it gets to a point where I have the thought briefly telling me negative things but it doesn’t focus on the good things that happened and how I’ve learned and not repeated the action. It just focuses on the bad and when I just pause , it goes silent and keeps quiet, I realise that it’s all just thoughts.
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