Man my ROCD really wants reassurance right now. Making me feel like I’ve never felt love. When I know I have. I’m so annoyed. I just want to be with my man in peace. FIVE YEARS TOGETHER and ROCD decided to attack me this summer. It’s been an on and off battle since.
I’m going through a very similar experience right now, two years with my girlfriend, and rocd and sexual ocd just started a couple of months ago. One thing to remember is that the harder you try to fight it and harder you try to reassure and find peace, the worse and longer it stays! Stay consistent with not giving your ocd your life and logic. And if you have anxiety, just remind yourself to night fight it either and remain stronger than any negative or opposite intrusive thoughts. What helps me is to remind myself that my anxiety just wants to help protect myself but it just is showing up at the wrong times. You’re in a long and committed relationship for a reason, trust your gut, maybe a part of why it’s so difficult and frustrating is because you care so much and it’s the most important thing for you. This is my first time giving advice so I hope it helps :)
@Anonymous It’s very helpful and a great reminder. He is literally my best friend dude. I can’t see myself doing life with anyone else. I just want him forever. I wish ocd would leave me alone. I don’t ever want to lose him. He’s the first healthy and genuine person in my life. The first person that has stayed so long. I can’t lose this guy. I’m sure I would survive but I’ve given five years of my life to him and they’ve been AMAZING years. He’s my world.
@Dj-is-trying GIRL I fricken feel you. Everything you’ve said 100%. I’m struggling right this moment with the same thoughts and fears. I’m so sorry, but you’re so not alone.
@brandifleury I don’t let ocd win! As painful as it can be. He’s my best friend and I choose him regardless of what ocd says.
@Dj-is-trying Hell yeah! Keep it up!
Your story sounds like mine TO A T! My ROCD really started and took over my life in the summer of 2021. It hit me like a freight train when I was at the best, healthiest point of my life. At the time we were going through some life stressors due to him moving out of his grandpa's house and getting his first apartment with his best friend, and along with that also came a completely different job with a completely different schedule. The day he started moving into the apartment was the day that it felt as though my brain broke. I suffered for months afterwards, not knowing it was OCD (i was misdiagnosed for months with a personality disorder because my symptoms were so severe). After a few months of being terrified daily that he would leave me or wouldn't love me anymore, my brain latched onto the fear of "what if I don't love him/never truly did?" It opened me up to an entirely different, newer, more raw kind of pain. That's the sub-theme I've been dealing with for more or less the past, oh..little less than a year, I'd say. Unfortunately by the time I started getting treatment and the proper diagnosis, I had been 6+ months deep into obsessions and compulsions daily. I've been having some really good days the last few months, sometimes really good stretches of days as well. It's just hard to not get down on yourself when you're doing really well, then your brain changes the tune at the drop of a hat. Im here if you ever need to talk, same goes for everyone else on this thread. :)
@m3ntalhealthw@rrior Oh my god you really are my OCD twin
I know I love my fiancé so much. The 5 years we have been together have been the best of my life, yet I am questioning everything all the time. The constant doubts and fears and negative thoughts about him are so loud and so persistent. It feels like this will never end
I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.
I believe I have ROCD — at least, that’s what many people here have told me based on what I’ve shared — and I really need help, because I feel like I’m falling apart. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I don’t know what’s real. My thoughts come as loud, cold statements — not questions. They say things like: “Nothing is the same.” “You don’t love him.” “You’re just staying because you’re used to him.” And even though I know I’m supposed to let the thoughts pass and not engage with them — I can’t. I get stuck in them. I try to find answers, I ruminate, I check, I cry, I panic. Everyone says “love isn’t just a feeling” — and I know that. But… I still want to feel something. I want to feel warmth, or connection, or even just peace. It’s been so long since I felt anything like that. Now everything just feels empty or terrifying or cold. My brain only gives me negative interpretations. No memory brings me comfort anymore. Nothing feels like it used to. And the worst part is — it all feels true. Sometimes I think: “What if I’m just denying the truth?” “What if I’ve finally realized that I don’t love him, and I just don’t want to admit it?” This feels like the worst version of myself. I’m so confused and scared and tired. Even therapy didn’t help — my therapist said things that made it worse, and now I don’t know who or what to believe anymore. I just want help. I want to know how to face ROCD — if that’s what this really is. I want to believe I can feel love again. I don’t want to lose myself in this forever. Has anyone else felt like this? How did you start to get better? i cant even remember past good memories with him, my head tells me that i didnt love him and i was just “excited “ to have someone. We have 2 years together and i have been dealing with this for a year and a half.
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