please read this and help me

i have been talking to a boy online since almost a year. he knows i have ocd and how awful im doing in life right now. he's very open to listening if i have sth to vent about. but since my mental is really more than just poor and without any medication u can conclude how i could have been doing. i am also pretty depressed and having suicidal thoughts rn. but im scared i could be a bad influence on him. im scared that my thoughts will influence his .he has told me to share my intrusive thoughts if i want to. but im scared that he probably will face an impact because of them. please do let me know if my constant venting is fine or not

Anonymous

User type: Staff

Date posted: 2y

I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. OCD, depression, and anxiety can all feel so hard. Please know that you are not alone in this battle. There are many, many people on this platform who are experiencing similar things. I am glad you found this safe place to talk about this and to reach out. If you are having suicidal thoughts, please, please reach out for help. If you are in the US, call 911 or go to a hospital if you feel you may act on your thoughts of hurting yourself. Sometimes people with OCD will have thoughts of hurting themselves that are unwanted- meaning they really do not want to act on these- they are intrusive and unwanted. Sometimes when I provide information like those below, people get anxious when they have OCD- please know that I am only providing it as a resource in case it is needed. You may not need it but better to provide it than not. If you are not in the US then please check out your local resources for crises/emergencies. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline #988 The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a national network of local crisis centers that provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. National Crisis Text Line Text "HOME" from anywhere in the U.S. to 741741 for free, 24/7 crisis support from a trained Crisis Counselor.

hiy

Date posted: 2y

Thank you so much for attaching helpline number. Thank you so much!! I'll make sure to take better care of myself.

Anonymous

User type: Staff

Date posted: 2y

Also, in terms of your BF- as adults, we all get to choose what we want to do. If he is choosing to be with you and has offered to be supportive and listen to you, then that is his choice. You do not need to feel guilty for leaning on someone who is willing to be leaned on. That is support. And we all need someone who we can turn to for support.

hiy

Date posted: 2y

Thank you so much for your response. I understand what you want to say. I'd been ruminating about it since a few days now. And i was really worried u could harm him. Thank you so much for your response. Means a lot 😊😊

Elizabeth15

Date posted: 2y

I literally just uploaded this app and saw this. I think with TIME you should share it with him. It’s a very sensitive subject and it’s very very hard to speak about with people who don’t have or understand OCD. It’s okay to feel the way you feel though, I’ve felt that way too. Don’t feel like your alone because you’re never alone. Take your time with it though, there’s no rush even when people say you can talk to them, you don’t have to, just say I feel like it’s not the right time because it seems like your not sure to tell him and it kinda feels as if him saying you can tell him is making you feel like you have to or is pushing you to but you’re not sure. But you’re loved, I don’t know you but I love you and please keep your head up!!! I’m horrible at explaining stuff so I’m sorry if this was all over the place

geminileo

Date posted: 25w

Not doing well (vent)

Hi, I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been struggling for the past month, it’s been a mix of ocd flare ups and depressive episodes. I recently got into a new relationship, one I was not expecting at all as I had just broken up with my long term boyfriend over the summer and was expecting the cycle of being alone for a few years and then dating again. But anyways, my current boyfriend is amazing and so caring and sweet, I told him before we even started dating about my ocd and how I sometimes need constant reassurance and that it can be a lot to deal with it and that I can become clingy and annoying and he didn’t even bat an eye, he just said he likes me as I am and that he will be able to help and support me. We’re dating long distance rn as I’m finishing up college but we constantly text and video chat/call almost every night. My ocd has been constantly gnawing at that and it’s causing my abandonment issues to flare up horribly, I’ve told him a little bit about my ex boyfriend as he was not a very good person, he was much older than me (12 years) and at the start of our relationship he was amazing and said he could deal with my mental health issues (I know no one is obligated at all) but I would communicate to him that it scares me when he doesn’t talk to me for weeks at a time, and at first he said he would try to be better about that but then it turned into him saying I’m annoying and clingy and that I bother him and that he just wants alone time but during that alone time I wouldn’t hear from him at all for two weeks. He also stopped caring about my interests and said I was annoying when I would talk about them and would even get mad when I tried to talk about my day. Anyways being in this new relationship has caused me to fear that my current boyfriend is going to leave me, lost interest in me or that he’s annoyed with me and hates me, which unfortunately has caused me to give into my compulsion of reassurance so I’ve been asking him a lot “do you still like me?” “We’re still together right?” “Have I annoyed you?” And I hate myself for doing that. He is so sweet and I don’t want to be like this, I don’t want to drain him, i genuinely have never felt this way about anyone I’ve dated but it’s like he was meant to be in my life and we clicked instantly like it felt like we’ve known each other forever and I don’t want to lose him. My avoidance is getting bad and I’m trying to stop myself from pushing him away but I just feel so guilty and ughhhh it’s so frustrating. I just don’t know how to handle this, I want to be with him and I want to make him happy but I hate that my brain works this way.

anonymous737...

Date posted: 23w

someone pls answer!

I have ocd, i have crazy intrusive thoughts that make me super uncomfortable, the thing is i understand that ocd goes against your morals and try’s to make you feel like a bad person but how do i avoid pushing people away while trying to treat my ocd.. i love my boyfriend so so much but when i get intrusive thoughts about hurting his feelings or doing something terrible it scares me so bad that i’m scared to be around him because in my head it’s like “why am i even thinking of this if i love him so much” and i know i would never do anything to hurt him but i just feel terrible because he’s an amazing boyfriend and i have all these bad thoughts. :(

your strong

Date posted: 22w

Can you relate?

Hi this my first time ever hearing about this app n i downloaded it because lately my ocd been really bad and I feel I can’t have control over it it scares me because I sometimes hurt people around me when I don’t mean to for example my bf everytime something goes well my head just starts spinning in circles with bad thoughts n wanting to ruin stuff with him lowkey I messed up big times bc I let this time my thoughts win me over n took everything off on him without thinking n realizing how bad I had affected him it kills me because everytime I think im jus a weak person bc I always let everything get to me I’m jus so scared because now my head jus tells me your not good enough your gonna lose him this literally jus happens when something positive comes in my head or something good happens always jus wanna ruin it I hate it because I always believe my thoughts instead of him not because I don’t want to but because also of my past n trauma jus fucks it even more from the deep of my heart i believe him but my head reacts differently n lets it out n now am in the situation of knowing I can lose him any minute now even tho am putting my faith in god n trying my hardest to think positive n be better everyday I’m really trying but w ocd it’s so hard n jus get scared n let my thoughts get to me😞 idk what to do anymore

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