:( :( :(

@DarkCloud190 Thank you so much for the kind words. I know that reassurance seeking only makes it worse but it feels sooo real. I’ve had health anxiety for a few years but it was only like fear of passing out in public places. It was never to the extreme of having a heart attack, seizures, blood clots, etc. I’ve only been dealing with extreme thoughts for about 3-4 months. I’ve been trying to get it under control before it becomes unbearable. My fears last week were brain tumors that were cancerous and my physical symptoms were literally one sided headache along with, facial twitches and blurred vision. I was so scared. Now this week my fear is heart attack and unexpected death. Like my physical symptoms is chest pain that comes and goes and shoulder pain. And it feels so real. Im not one to go to the doctors because i am so scared of something actually being wrong. And my anxiety gets so much worse at night for some reason. Like this whole day i was fine and now it’s going to start getting dark out and my anxiety is picking up. All i want to do is sleep but I’m scared to sleep because what if i don’t wake up. It’s a never ending cycle that i can’t get out of.

@Anon17 I am sorry you are having such a hard time. I can relate. I have a pretty constant fear of cancer. Not only getting cancer, but that i have cancer and its stage 4 and i will be dead in weeks 😒 i make that face because its ridiculous but we know OCD isnt logically. What are some things you love?

@DarkCloud190 I know I’m so scared of developing cancer as well, specifically brain cancer. I’m scared that I’m just suddenly gonna forget who i am or where i am and be rushed to the hospital to find out i have brain cancer. Some things that i love are my family first and foremost. I love my dog more than anything in this world. I love to cook/bake. This is my biggest passion and my biggest goal is to own my own restaurant. I love to do hair, i did go to college for it and i love doing it. It’s so hard to focus on pursuing my dream career goal because every minute of the day I’m worried about what’s going to happen next 😔

@Anon17 Remember OCD is trying to steal those dreams from you!!! Those are some wonderful and lovely dreams! The thing we fear is actually happening because of our OCD. You should bake something - maybe something gingerbready 🤗

@DarkCloud190 Thank you so much! I feel like you are really the only one that truly understands me. I’ve been posting on here because i feel like i need to in order to feel a little at ease and nobody ever responds. I don’t think health ocd is the most talked about so to find someone that understands is great. It’s the worst when i can see imagoes in my head of something bad happening. And it doesn’t help that I’m on a 4 day weekend from work. Usually work is my distraction but now that I’m off for a few days my anxiety is very very high. So i think i will bake something tomorrow to keep me distracted 🙃

@vmcgee I got my 2 Covid vaccines and that booster completely fine. Like no hesitation because i know that Covid has long term effects and the shots can prevent that from happening. However yesterday when i read that article and read the comments has got me so much in my head. Like we don’t know the cause of someone’s death but the comments are reading “he probably had the Covid vaccine and that killed him”. And then another comment read that an 11 year old girl had a stroke and then another Person had commented well it must be the Covid vaccine. Like I’ve never ever thought badly about the Covid vaccine but now I’m so in my head about it. I keep reminding myself that millions of people got this vaccine and if there was anything dangerous about it people would be dropping like flies. But everytime i try to tell myself that it is fine something else pops up in my head 😔. However my advice to you would be to go get the second dose. I know that we are both scared now but just remember that Covid does come in waves some worse than others and getting the vaccine can prevent something from being extreme.

@Anon17 Yes, I have seen the same articles and it definitely made me get in my head about it! I know getting it is the right thing to do but my anxiety over it has definitely been getting in the way. It doesn’t help that I of course went and googled and researched and found legit scientific studies and articles detailing how a rare few have died from myocarditis after getting the vaccine, like 1 in 1,000,000 which should be reassuring but my OCD is just like “what if you’re the one in a million!!!” It’s awful. But I totally understand what you are going through at the moment, I think any OCD theme is the worst but health OCD seems to be particularly terrible lol

@vmcgee I know it’s the scientific studies that scare me like no other. And even though something says rare my mind always tells me that’s it’s not as rare as one may think and that it’s secretly going to happen to me. And yes health ocd is soo soo bad. I previously dealt with harm ocd and It still bothers me but not as bad and i am so so grateful because it’s absolutely horrible to be picturing something so disturbing. Im so appreciative that it’s not as bothersome for me but now i have what i consider to be the second worst theme with health ocd. It’s so difficult to deal with the thought of dieing every minute of everyday. I know that all ocd themes are horrible and i cannot judge anything because I’ve never experienced them, but sometimes i wish i had a different theme such as contamination ocd.

@Anon17 I agree! I’ve dealt with lots of different themes and at the time I thought relationship ocd was the worst, but once it switched I started feeling like health ocd is the worst haha. I’m staying off Google and refraining from reading scientific studies as they are definitely compulsions. I’m hoping the longer I keep from doing them then I’ll be able to work myself up to getting the vaccine. But I totally agree about feeling like things aren’t as rare as they seem and also thinking about dying all day everyday. Ugh. It is the worst!! I sometimes also wish I had a different theme, but I’m sure I would feel it’s just as bad. I’m jealous of the rest of the world who don’t even think about these things and just go on with their lives haha

@vmcgee I’m trying to refrain from googling as well but it’s so hard because sometimes it makes me feel better. Like don’t get me wrong it gets me super worked about something silly but it also brings me relief as well. I wish i never had this theme :( and now today i really don’t feel good. Like my stomach is turning ever since i ate something earlier. And one of my fears is vomiting and right now it feels like i really could be sick. But of course my mind goes elsewhere than just a stomach bug. Vomiting is a symptom of so many things that I’m scared of (brain Tumor/ cancer, seizures, appendicitis, etc.) so if i end up vomiting i automatically assume something is wrong ☹️

@Anon17 That’s so hard :( I totally know the feeling. I know googling never helps in the long run so I try to avoid it even when it’s so hard. It’s so awful when our brains are sending so many what if scary scenarios at us, that to us seem real!