Why is my ROCD different from others?

Hi, I noticed most people with ROCD have obsessions around their partner. And if they find their partners attractive or are their partners good enough for them? My fears are usually about ''if my partner finds ME attractive or not''. Or ''If I'M enough'' or ''if they have real feelings for ME'' etc. Can anyone relate? I never heard anyone with ROCD talk about this or have these obessions. It seems most people with ROCD usually question their feelings about how they feel towards their partners and not the other way round. It's making me doubt if I actually have OCD in the first place.

Username: paulaekorrepaulaekorre

Date posted: 2y ago

I think the rocd can be both ways. It's the obsessive thoughts about relationships, and it can manifest in several ways

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

I see. Thank you. I was just frustrated because I felt like I couldn't relate to others who have ROCD because they tend to have different thoughts from mine. And rarely see anyone talk about the types of thoughts I have.

Username: paulaekorrepaulaekorre

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous I understand that must be frustrating. Maybe look into some attachment theory? It really helped me understand my rocd in a more nuanced way

Username: Shauna PichetteShauna Pichette

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 2y ago

I think with OCD, people often feel that there is a "right" way to have OCD. There's truly not! OCD can manifest in anyway that is important or meaningful to the person. Everyone has a unique presentation based on what they value.

Username: Sara AndersonSara Anderson

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 2y ago

Hello! Thank you so much for your post. ROCD, as other commenters have mentioned, can and often do go both ways. We try our best to define these subtypes how we typically see patterns of thought, but the way we describe them does not necessarily include all the different ways someone can have worries under these subtypes. It sounds like what you are describing can still be defined under ROCD. Also-please remember we do offer ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) Therapy at NOCD. This approach can help you manage these thoughts when they come up and, over time, decrease the distress that comes with them.

Username: StopgaslightingyourselfStopgaslight...

Date posted: 2y ago

I relate! I feel so different from so many of the others who post about their ROCD 100% right there with you

Username: Anonymous<3Anonymous<3

Date posted: 2y ago

So from my experience, when I first started dating my boyfriend almost 4 years ago I did have the “what if ny partner think im attractive” or “what if he is tired of me”. Constantly needing reassurance and needed to be held by him to prove that he wasn’t going anywhere. But now for the past 8 months its reversed. I get what if thoughts about me finding him attractive or if I see a future with him. Im not sure if anyone else has experienced this but I did experience what you are. I guess I experienced both

Username: kitten21

Date posted: 6y ago

Does anyone here have ROCD? What is it like for you?

Relationship OCD

Username: Sake

Date posted: 4y ago

How to tell the difference between normal relationship doubts and ROCD? Im going on a rant now: I have avoided relationships for the most part over the last 10 years. as soon as I get past the 2nd or 3rd date I feel like if I dont know that they have the potential to be “the one” then I worry constantly about wasting my life and theirs. I had 2 relationships that lasted about 3 months but the whole time, I just wanted to get out even though they were both good guys. In November, I had my first panic attack and soon discovered what I was dealing with (and still managing it) is SO-OCD. Then I learned of ROCD and wondered if that is something I have struggled with since my teens. As soon as I get into a relationship I have these strong urges to break it off for minor stupid things. Things that honestly make no sense. Like a weird freckle or chin (real examples). Not to mention I am afraid of getting intimate because Im super paranoid of getting pregnant... I started talking to a guy during quarantine and it’s slowly turning into more than friends. I really like him and enjoy spending time with him but I am constantly worried. Being aware of ROCD has helped me be mindful of the present but all my old habits are trying to come back full force and I find myself trying to avoid him. Ive read as much as I can find on ROCD and I can check off almost all the obessions and compulsions that are associated with ROCD. But it doesnt affect me the same way SO-OCD did. Like I felt like I couldnt breathe, and I could barely be in public. I wanted to escape so bad all the time. With this ROCD (if thats what it really is) I dont feel that panic, I just feel worried, stuck, and distracted. Not to mention, if I can manage to stay mindful, how on earth do you even tell someone you just started seeing that you have ocd, let alone so-ocd and rocd. It just adds to me wanting to avoid him. Also, how do you go from being dateless and single for 2 years to starting a relationship in the middle of a quarantine while you’re learning that you have OCD.

Username: _MO

Date posted: 2y ago

ROCD

I am in a really bad spot with my ROCD right now. I have been having terrible fears that I married the wrong person and that I don’t actually love him. One of my obsessions has been surrounding a guy friend of mine from a few years ago and wondering if I would’ve been better off married to him (we never dated, I was dating my husband then). But now I’m worried because If OCD attaches to what we love and value most, I’m concerned that I truly love that other guy - and even if I am having OCD, the fact that I’m obsessing over him/his wife and the idea I might’ve been better with him, doesn’t that mean something??? Anyone else experience this? I feel so beat down.

Relationship OCD

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Why is my ROCD different from others?

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