I just feel dirty and guilty

Same here 😔 I wish I never had them

Thank you for sharing what you are going through. I am sorry to hear you are struggling. Try to remember that thoughts are just thoughts not facts; and they do not define who you are. Often trying to avoid the thoughts makes it worse. Accepting the uncomfortable thoughts/feelings is often more effective. Then try to redirect to doing a new task. I know easier said than done, but with time and practice it does get easier. ERP (Exposure Response Prevention) therapy has helped me address my OCD. Recovery is possible. Be kind and patient with yourself. If not in therapy, please consider reaching out to the nocd care team for a free consultation.

I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. I know I say this on here all the time, but the truth is I cannot say it enough, you are not alone, it will not always feel this way. It can get better. Thoughts, when you have OCD, are ego-dystonic- meaning they go against who you are- against your values, your goals, your true nature. https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/feeling-like-a-monster-when-you-have-ocd https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-guilt-and-shame-from-ocd