Feeling hopeless

I had a terrible evening and I know it’s my fault because I could not stop from talking to my parents and arguing with them and I feel like that is apart of my OCD. I just don’t feel like going on anymore and I know no hotline can help me with this set of problems. You see my parents and I get in an argument about the same things over and over again. First I feel like a failure because I started doing college in 2012 and I haven’t done school since I think 2019. I want to finish school, but I still don’t know what to do with my life because I am such an introvert and I feel like I am doomed to have a bleak future and I don’t know how I could face going to the school I started at in 2012 because I made a fool of myself by first telling a teacher I didn’t know well, but thought I could trust about my OCD. I talked to her Tuesday on the phone and she basically hung up in my face after she said she doesn’t help students with mental health problems which I don’t believe because I can’t be the first student to have issues with mental health in school and not confide anybody. I know I went about this in a way that would scare people away, but I didn’t want it to go that way. She said in the beginning that she was in my corner and she would cheer me on with my future plans with school as I was planning on going back to school at a certain time. She said she would call my about every two weeks and I talked to her maybe twice before Tuesday I think and it just didn’t go well. I think maybe I emailed her too much and that came across as too much. I told her I was telling her about my OCD like I would a friend and she didn’t even want that. So I feel like giving up even though I know it was my fault. You see before this happened I was obsessing over whether or not I should tell her about my OCD and my mom told me not to and I still did it. What’s worse is that I have had treatment for years and I am still in the beginning stages of treatment and I feel like it is all my fault. I just don’t know how to go on tomorrow.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

You aren’t alone. It’s crushing and hurts but in time it will pass. Treatment is not a linear progression. It is is good days and bad. But you are strong. And God has not punished you. He has suffered with you through his passion. This is our cross to carry. But we aren’t carrying it alone

Warriorforever

Date posted: 2y

Thanks for responding. I just feel so alone and I don’t have any friends except my family and I want a life so bad, but my depression, my social anxiety, and everything has taken away my life. I am afraid to be around people too because I feel people will see that I am mentally unstable.

Dragos9898

Date posted: 2y

You got Discord? If so, hit me up, I'd love to be your friend.

Dragos9898

Date posted: 2y

@Dragos9898 Lmk Ur name and #

nizhoni

Date posted: 2y

@Biracialbeauty1 I'm going through the same thing but for me it's even hard to word things or be in that vulnerable spot in front of people, so thank for speaking about what your going through! if you want we can connect 🤍

Dragos9898

Date posted: 2y

And btw, what was it about you and your teacher? Why were you emailing her so much? I'm asking because I'm curious if that was a compulsion or not.

shirleyCstar

Date posted: 22w

Advice and Unbiased Opinions Please!!!

This isn’t OCD related so I’m sorry, but I don’t know another platform like this where I can talk to other people and actually get responses. OCD has been a huge fucking setback for me in life. I had to drop classes, wasn’t able to do things, and just felt so shitty all the time because of it. I feel like I blame OCD for everything I’m not. I constantly feel like I’m not good enough. Just today I saw someone I once knew and felt all of those feelings I used to have that made me miserable. Anyways, I tried taking my driver’s test a couple days ago but I wasn’t able to. The DMV only accepted cash. I felt upset but it was whatever. I’m almost 19, and I don’t have a driver’s license. So passing it would mean a lot to me. I compare myself to others my age; they have cars, hobbies, friends, go to college, etc… I don’t have any of that. Maybe comparing myself and all of that is my fault. My family says it’s my fault I’m sad because I just wallow in it. Hearing them say that makes me frustrated and hurt, but maybe they’re right. My mom texted a couple of my siblings in a group chat I wasn’t a part of, “He wants to wallow and be depressed. And woe is me, wah wah wah.” That made me really angry because my siblings were agreeing with her. Maybe they are right. Maybe I am selfish and think the world revolves around me. My sister tells me I need to advocate for myself more, I just don’t want to be a burden. I’ve only been a burden my whole life. My OCD created this whole issue in my family and I hate that. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just want an answer. Am I really a loser? Do I really wallow in it? Am I not trying like my family says? I just want to talk to someone.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 21w

Without therapy for months . Please help. Please

I had to cancel my therapy because it was no longer available with my insurance. And I just kind of feel hopeless with OCD. Even when I was doing therapy, I think my OCD started getting too complicated for my therapist and she didn’t even know what to do. My fears are so complex it’s crazy. So my big fear is my OCD being bad and being super depressed again like I was a few months ago in high school. I attended a public highschool for a semester and started the worst flare up I’ve ever had. I was harshly bullied for no reason whatsoever, and not accepted by anyone. I am an athletic kid who usually keeps to himself so I didn’t understand why people targeted me, especially when I wanted nothing to do with them. From August to now ( March) I CANNOT grasp hold of my OCD. I am very hard on myself about it. Going into dangers anytime I see one so I can expose myself. But constantly obsessing about if I’m doing enough for my OCD. And comparing myself to how I use to be, before the flare ups. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep I’m obsessing about my OCD and if it’s bad and comparing. Another HUGE fear of mine is being treated differently because I have OCD. So being bullied for so long I always assumed it was because I was shy and didn’t want to stand up for myself - due to my OCD- so I blamed myself for everything that continued to happen, . from people bullying me in the past . The people at that highschool were downright crazy. Even the teachers and coaches had major issues and I’m so glad to be out of there, but I still obsess the same everyday and hold so much resentment for that school and when I try to let it go, I just feel more passive pain and obsess even more about it weather my ocd is okay or not. I feel mentally sick. Please someone give me some advice for my fears, because I feel like I’m doing everything in my power to expose myself to everything but nothings working.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w

Life kinda just sucks right now 18+ only

Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.

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