Denial or Reality

It feels so real I feel like I am gaslighting myself every waking moment I just want it to stop

Something I learned in ERP was that all OCD obsessions/fears could theoretically happen. They’re all technically possible. But those of us with OCD see these obsessions as more probable than they actually are. For example, I’m capable as a human being of hurting someone or myself. I could choose to do that, either on purpose or accidentally. However, I have to realize the probability likely isn’t very high of that happening. It’s not impossible, but it likely won’t happen. At least I don’t think it will right now. That’s where uncertainty comes in. I have to accept that my obsession is a real thing that people do and I could even choose to do, but I probably won’t. At least not right now at this moment, because right now I simply don’t want to. I don’t have to ensure myself that it’ll never happen because I can’t predict the future. But I can be present and realize in this moment that I don’t want to engage in my intrusive thoughts. Does that make sense?

Same here

Same.

Same

It feels so real.

Yep, especially with false memories related to that fear. It makes it feel like a realization.

Yep. I’m petrified my son has/will get a specific health issue. Every time something triggers me it feels so real. So real. Accepting uncertainty is so hard when it comes to this issue. It’s at a point where my compulsion really doesn’t help me, it’s actually hurting our relationship and damaging his self image, but I can’t stop myself :( I get so triggered and avoid seeing his skin. How sad is that.