any advice?

hello, i haven’t seen anyone else talk about this, yet it is something that is really bothering me. I’m 15 years old, and my parents are in their 50s and while i know this is not “old” i’m still scared for the day that i loose them, and everyone’s response is always “cope” or “it’s inevitable” but i honestly don’t know what to do, and i’m starting to come to the conclusion that i’d rather die than have them gone from my life, and this has made me not only suicidal, but hopeless honestly. Does anyone have any advice at all?

Twelve Squir...

Date posted: 2y

I've been in your shoes, I'm 21 and my parents are in their sixties and it crosses my mind a lot. It's hard to think about, but here's the thing that has helped me. Oddly enough it's your parents job to train you not to need them, to make you independent and self sufficient. Your relationship with them will change as you get more and more responsibility and independence. You end up slowly move away from them and be your own bird. In a way this prepares children in general to be separated from their parents. However you aren't ready yet, you're only 15. You still need guardians in your life to help you. It would be terrifying to lose my parents at that age, (any age is hard, but especially when you still rely on them for money, food, and shelter). I'm certain I will be conducting both my parents funerals. Most children will, that's how it's supposed to work. But for me the thought of an afterlife has always cushioned that prospect. We are energy, that energy cannot be created or destroyed. The body that houses it can, but the energy inside won't. That's why the theory of an afterlife is so convincing to me, I personally believe we will see them again and should live our life in a way to make them proud. I seems like you have an close relationship with your parents and don't want to lose the goodness and love you have. Who wouldn't? But I guarantee that your parents wholeheartedly wouldn't want to be the ones hosting your funeral. You don't want to think about hosting their funeral, but I guarantee you they feel ten times that about hosting yours. Pain is a part of life, especially losing people. We unfortunately haven't figured out how to avoid that. It feels so overwhelming the very thought of it makes us weak in the knees. People have a million theories as to what happens when we go. But I'd say what matters more is what we do now when we're alive. If you feel insecure about the pain you feel when your parents go, then spend time with them and express your feelings. I'm sure they have had to deal with loss and could give you some advice in regards to handling it. Plus you're not alone. So many people have experienced that pain of losing people and would more than happily raise you up on their shoulders to guide you through when it happens. More importantly, no matter how painful it will feel, it will pass. It will hurt less and less. You will heal and spread that heading to others when it's your turn to help them. That's how pain is supposed to work. It brings us together and helps us empathize with others when they need someone to understand. It gives us a community to reach out to. We cannot control what happens to us, we can only control what we do. And sometimes all we can do is reach out for help until we are ready to help others. I hope this helps 💕

Dutchgirl

Date posted: 2y

@Twelve Squirrels in a Trenchcoat That is an awesome and thoughtful response! I am in my 50s and my parents are in their 80s. I have always feared losing them and I am coming to terms that at this point it will be sooner than later. But I do all I can to care for them as necessary. My family has always been close, but this has drawn us even closer. It is an honor to care for them now and is consoling that I have this time with them. I know I will have many memories when our time together ends. But your answer is very uplifting and comforting. Thank you

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Twelve Squirrels in a Trenchcoat i’ve just read this!! And i want to say thank you so much!! This really helps as it gives me another perspective on my parents and the future! Of course i’m still an anxious mess over it but with this new perspective i think i may be okay! It’s nice to see that there’s someone who also thinks about this since my older sister seems to not think about it at all! Thank you again for taking the time to respond with such care, happy new years! I hope that it is a great one for you and your family😊

Twelve Squir...

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Of course! I'm so glad I could help, I remember being young and having this exact same fear so I totally get your anxiety so I'm happy I was able to help. I hope you have a Happy New Years as well!

RadiantlyRed...

Date posted: 20w

Taboo Thoughts/Depression/Need Advice Please

TW I am so utterly broken. I feel like my heart is shattered to pieces, within the span of a month I have lost someone that was like a second mother to me and someone who just passed away that was my closest connection to my great grandmother. I am having very taboo thoughts (as well as physical responses) surrounding death because of OCD, while also carrying such a massive weight of grief. Idk if taboo thoughts with death are even normal, while it is overwhelming me, I’m also so numb to grief at this point. Can anyone please give some kind of advice on how I may improve my mental health without overwhelming my family during their time of grief? I’m so tired of being strong, but right now I absolutely have to be. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

This is me!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 14w

Aging and death anxiety

I’ve been perturbed for a couple of months now with incessant thoughts about aging and dying. I really am not sure what to do. This feels like other OCD themes, but also really different, because this time, what I’m afraid of is sure to happen. I will either die, or age and then die. It’s been so difficult to enjoy anything lately. I just want to pull a blanket over my head and wait until death comes. Has anyone else felt this way? I feel quite alone. I am trying to enjoy life, but I just remember that it will all be gone in a flash. Nothing really seems to help me feel better. The only escape I have is in my dreams where I can fantasize about never aging or dying. Or at least being able to rewind the clock to have more time.

blehh

Date posted: 11w

helpp

I keep thinking about life and death and all that stuff and it’s making me so upset. I keep thinking about how one day im probably going to be old and on my death bed or something and my whole life will be nothing but a memory and im so scared for that day. i wont have my parents and my younger siblings wont have any of us. time feels like its moving too fast like i feel every second pass and think about how i can never get that moment back and i cant slow down time or go back or even just pause it because its always going and theres nothing i can do about it. And then i start thinking about whats after death and get even more scared because if heaven is real then what is eternity? wont i get bored of doing the same things… forever? and if its not real then what happens is it just nothing? because thats even more scary i don’t want to be nothing because that also means the people i love will be nothing and i wont be able to be with them. And if it’s not that then is it reincarnation? will i have to do this all over again? will the souls of the people i love be with me in their new forms? is the sun “God” because the planets revolve around it and the stars are all of the passed souls? what does it feel like to be a star? will i even just know i died? i have so many questions and the fact that none have an answer and i just have to wait to find out drives me insane. i try to remind myself everyone before me and everyone after me will experience death and loss at one point in their life and that I’m not alone but it doesn’t help. nothing helps. ive had “episodes” like this before when i was around 10-14 about once a year always around May-June which is the month my great grandmother died and June is my birth month which i hate because yk… time passing and aging which i assume is why i always get worse around that time. i was able to kind of ignore or turn it off the past like 3 years but this month its just too much i cant even deal with it. maybe because I’m turning 18? idk but its been bothering me so much and its all i can think about. Even when i seem fine the thoughts are always in there somewhere and some days they’re easier to ignore and others it feels impossible. I just wish I was like those people who can just turn their thoughts off if they don’t like them. My mom says she can do that if she thinks about how her mom died or something she can tell herself she doesn’t want to think about that and just… turn it off?? and thats so shocking to me because i’ve begged a god I don’t even know if I believe in to stop my thoughts and she can just turn them off herself? I don’t have another therapy appointment until next week I wish I could talk to them everyday so it could work faster but instead i’m on here. So if anyone has any advice PLEASE give it to me. I’m so tired it’s making me not enjoy anything in life because it makes me feel like theres no point in anything but I want to feel normal and I want to enjoy things. Sorry for writing so much just had to get this out there. Also i’m not trying to seek reassurance btw I just wanna know how other people coped with this or similar issues😭

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