- Date posted
- 2y
đ
I wonât lie; living off your baby-step progress is really hard. Itâs not easy to achieve this in the first place, as it takes a lot of strength to do it. And knowing that these are just the most menial, basic things that a person does and are so difficult for you can be so hard at times. Life really does become quite small when youâre so consumed by this. Never mind the fact that you arenât able to do the other tasks that need your attention and that your thoughts and mind are just rotting away. Real-Event OCD has definitely been the worst of my subtypes, even though Iâve had a horrible and rough time with my other subtypes as well. Theyâre all really difficult to deal with, but I was able to bask in the support that I received as it wasnât something that I sought for myself. I didnât ask for it, but I had to deal with it, so it was definitely easier to receive support from others. But knowing with Real Event, itâs all my fault and mistake is something I find really hard to accept and move on from. The shame and guilt are overwhelming. Wishing you could change things that can no longer be changed is so painful. Like many of you, I struggle with the thought that this isnât my OCD, and Iâm using it as a coverup to move on, which has been really difficult to deal with. The certainty just isn't there. I definitely feel strongly that Iâm unique in my situation, so I definitely deserve this. And no one can relate to this here since I'm the exception. But I still sit with it and try to move on, as I wonât know. I try to say maybe or maybe not to it. Itâs not easy. Itâs on my mind every day, and I feel miserable even if I donât show it. But I know deep inside that I want to strive to be a better person every day and to be compassionate with others. So that I can live for myself and my loved ones and be a positive influence on society. Right now, Iâm not able to help people or others in the ways that I want, since Iâm not in a place where Iâve helped myself enough to be able to do that. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to reach that place since it feels so far away from me. But I will never know. All I have is my present. And while I'm not able to make huge, great changes out of it. It's enough that I exist in the now. So I want to tell all of you who are struggling and are having a hard time in recovery that it's okay. At times we won't have the greatest of moments, but it's okay since you exist and matter, and that's enough in that moment. You can pick yourself back up and carry on like you always do. These are all moments of power and strength that you radiate with. It's hard now, and maybe it won't be that way in the future, but be kind to yourself for pushing through and taking a break when you have to. Dealing with all of these things can be really exhausting, so just be kind to yourself, like you would be to others.