stuckonathought

Date posted: 2y

I made a mistake

So last night I got very drunk, I haven’t been this drunk in a long time. I started making out with this guy who I’ve known for a while, genuinely my drink scale was insane. Basically then I started talking to these people, I knew the one guy but was talking to the other people. They were 18 and I’m 21. So me and this one guy started kissing, he was very cute, then this other boy he started kissing me as well, I at this point new he has a girlfriend but because I was so drunk it didn’t really comprehend wtf was going on. I blame myself entirely for what happens next. Basically he says he’ll drop us off, me and this one other guy in the back. So we start making out, and the other guy is getting slightly jealous so drunk me kissing him on the cheek. When we get to this other guys house he gets our days goodnight and I get into the front. Now this is where it takes a turn I wasn’t expecting. I can’t remember who made the first move but we started making out, he stopped driving at this point and pulled over into a lay-by, he gets heated very soon and basically we end up having sex. He has a girlfriend and I’m sat here sobering up a bit now hating myself Fillmore than anything. I can’t tell my friends but I seriously don’t know what to do. He said not to tell anyone because it won’t happen again, I’m sober and it won’t happen again. Not while he has a girlfriend. But I feel like such a slut. I was always scared the guy I was seeing was seeing other people, turns out he was, but now here I am and I’m that’s girl. I have to completely blame how drunk I was, but now I have to go get the morning after pill from my local pharmacy and hope nobody recognises me! I’m shitting it and I feel so bad

linds123

Date posted: 2y

Everyone makes mistakes and has there moments in life but the good news is we learn from our mistakes! My advice to you is just come clean to the girl he’s with even though he said not to because I’ve been in this situation before where I got cheated on and the girl actually told me everything and i felt good and thankful she at least had the decency to let me know what had happened and she was actually drunk as well when it went down at a basement party.. I’m sure the girl will truly appreciate you for letting her know because sitting and laying with someone who did u dirty and you don’t even know about it is the most worst feeling when you have to find out by your self I would just explain to her how bad you feel just like u did on this post and fuck what the guy has to say cuz he knew what he was doing ya know he basically took advantage of you and didn’t care about his relationship at all in that moment which is shitty of him karma is a biatch 🤷‍♀️

stuckonathought

Date posted: 2y

@linds123 I just feel horrible. The guilt rn like I should’ve said no I should’ve had the strength to go no just take me home but I didn’t. I just found out it’s not the first time he cheated on her, and I’m guessing she knows that. I told my sister because the guilt was eating me alive and she knew he’d cheated before. I’m still feeling so crap because his mate literally said to me “don’t do anything with him, he’s got a girlfriend” and at this point I was like yep don’t worry I won’t. I don’t even know how it happened. Just feel so bad

linds123

Date posted: 2y

@ruminationstation I promise you if you come clean to her that guilt will go away! Well maybe not completely but most of it will! Yeah you should have said no but you weren’t in the right state of mind at that moment it shows your a good person for caring so much that you did something wrong which is all that matters! He’s a pig for cheating the way he does and maybe this will be a wake up call for his girl you will be doing both you and her a favor by telling her I promise!

stuckonathought

Date posted: 2y

@linds123 I told him he needs to tell her, I think he will he seems pretty shit with himself which I mean we should. I feel terrible. I can’t even tell my friends because I’d be completely judged but I was so drunk, if I could take it back god I would. Am I a slut? Everyone’s gonna think I am one. I don’t want anyone to know but I’m dying inside and I just can’t stop thinking about it. I hate myself so much right now. If I would’ve just kissed him I wouldn’t have cared, but it’s the fact we took it to another level that we shouldn’t have. I also think I was completely taken over by the fact someone wanted me. I haven’t had that feeling in a while and it felt nice that someone actually thought I was attractive. It’s so bad but idk what to do

stuckonathought

Date posted: 2y

@linds123 I told my friends about it, and now they’ve just started hating on me and shaming me. Like I don’t already know what I did was bad, I’ve told him he had to tell her and he is as soon as he finishes work. There isn’t much more I can do but grow but my friends aren’t seeing it like that. They just see it as a fat mistake I did to hurt someone when that wasn’t it wasn’t. I’m trying so hard to fix a mistake but I feel so shit like idk what to do

linds123

Date posted: 2y

@ruminationstation Right but do u think he might just be telling you that so u won’t tell her? Or how will you know he actually tells her I should say? And right like I said everyone makes mistakes at least you will learn from this

stuckonathought

Date posted: 2y

@linds123 I’m gonna make sure he shows me the chat. I’m gonna bug him about it and if I even get a hint of he hasn’t told her then I will. He knows that. But I’m gonna ask for evidence to it. Also, I know everyone makes mistakes but this one feels like I’m never gonna come back from it. I feel like the only way out of this is to just disappear. I have learnt and I’m not this person.

stuckonathought

Date posted: 2y

@linds123 What do I say to the girl? I need to message and apologise for my actions no? Other wise I’m a coward. That’s what my friends are saying

stuckonathought

Date posted: 2y

@linds123 I’m just so confused on what to do now. It’s Christmas tomorrow so I don’t want to ruin it for anyone but like I know I need to speak to her. But I don’t want to make the situation worse for anyone like won’t me messaging her do that?? But now my friends are saying if you don’t message her we won’t be friends with you again like I’ll have zero respect for you and it’s like idk what to do or say

linds123

Date posted: 2y

@ruminationstation I think regardless it’s gonna make her day kinda crappy but at least she will know the truth ya know it’s worse to keep it from her I also don’t agree with your friends I mean yeah I think it would be pretty un fair if u didn’t tell her too but they don’t need to threaten you like that I would just send her a simple text of what happened and how sorry you are and that u thought she needed to know because you feel so bad

stuckonathought

Date posted: 2y

@linds123 I did that. I sent a message doing exactly that. However all of my friends have no stopped talking to me and said that basically I need to figure out what’s wrong with me because I’m messed up in the head. They were horrible to me saying things I already knew, but idk what to do now. I’ve lost everyone. I’m also, currently talking to this guy who I know got cheated on, and idk if I should tell him what happened because he’s gonna be so angry with me and I really like him. I’ve already lost all my friends I don’t wanna loose him as well. I feel so shit and I can’t sleep. I was always gonna message I just needed to know what words to say and they just idk I feel so alone rn. Like I’m getting all the blame, he’s getting none of it. Im the one sat here hating myself and he’s getting on fine!

linds123

Date posted: 2y

@ruminationstation I would tell your friends they are obviously not real friends if there gonna treat you like that over a mistake it’s not like that was your intentions sober maybe not even drunk it was prolly more of in the moment thing right plus alcohol can turn you into a different person I know it’s still not an excuse but they need to cut u some slack at least and honestly I wouldn’t tell the guy your talking to cuz I feel like he isn’t really obligated to know unless you guys were together or something when it happened

stuckonathought

Date posted: 2y

@linds123 I know what I did was bad and I would never ever do it again. But like you said I had tuned into someone completely different and now k feel I’m not gonna be able to come back from this. I’m honestly stuck on what else I’m tk do, I’ve apologies to the girl, he’s told her, I’ve taken full responsibility and I’m gonna learn from my mistake. But I honestly feel I’m done for good now. My life ends here idk what I’m to do. I think if anything develops with him past this point I will tell him eventually but I’m not sure he needs to know my business rn when we’ve barely known exchitjer. I mean it would be respectful but at the same time he wouldn’t tell me anything he does. Idk I’m trying to be a good person but I don’t think anyone cares at this point. I never dreamed of doing it sober, never ever. I wouldn’t touch any man in a relationship, anytime I do find someone attractive when I’m drunk I always make sure they are single, so why did I do it? I think it was a weak moment for me, a time I’ll learn from but I honestly hate myself rn more than I ever have which is a shock to me I hate myself on the daily so this is fantastic

stuckonathought

Date posted: 2y

@linds123 Hi its me again. The girl has gotten back to me and started asking loads of questions, out of respect I answered but it turns out she didn’t know and he didn’t tell her. Now I’m feeling like scum on the earth. I was finally feeling better about it, finally moving on. But now I’m being shouted at by my parents who told me I shouldn’t have said anything to her. Now idk if I did the right thing. Im listening to everyone else around me I can’t think for myself because people keep screaming at me. My parents, my friends, my sister. I don’t feel like I can think for myself. I don’t even know what to do now. I really want this all to end. I know what I did was wrong, it was the worst thing ever, but I can’t change the last. I told her to show I do respect her as a person, and that I couldn’t be more sorry. Now idk what to do. What if she starts shaming me? What if people I know find out? I won’t be able to live with this

linds123

Date posted: 2y

@ruminationstation No it’s good that you told her regardless if he hasn’t!! He’s the bad person do not feel bad for him he’s in the wrong I mean both of you guys are but he’s more in the wrong then you because obviously he doesn’t have any respect for his relationship or the girl and he knew what he was doing more then you did at that moment!! Please do not feel bad if anything feel good because you did the right thing in this situation! Honestly you parents have no right to bud into this situation it’s your business not there’s if u wanna do the right thing you should also if people find out who cares at least you know mistakes happen and you will never do that again who cares what others think what ur going through is just a phase you will prolly forget about with in a year and things will be fine and like nothing ever happened and I doubt she will shame you because you told her the truth and I bet she has a lot of respect for you for that I wouldn’t worry too much honestly

stuckonathought

Date posted: 2y

@linds123 Thank you so much your words provided so much peace for me rn. You are right I did the right thing! I’m just ultimately worried rn that he’s gonna go around spreading bad shit about me. He’s blocked me in social media after him and his gf obviously had a chat, but he knows people who know me, people my mum know like she’s big in this lil town everyone knows he I’m scared I’ve gotten a reputation that’s gonna spread. I mean I can’t do anything about it until it actually happens but I’m so worried. I don’t want that. I mean he’ll fuck himself over in the process but because I’m older he could make me look shit. Idk what I’m to do rn. I’m so scared

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

Am I disgusting for this?

I’m a 23 y/o female who has recently entered a phase of obsessive thoughts of mistakes I’ve made, ranging from events that happened over a decade ago when and I was a kid up to things that happened recently. I feel so much debilitating guilt I can’t do anything or function. I especially feel bad for this one instance. I have always had extremely low self esteem, and I often seek attention and validation especially from men. I like being liked. I find myself trying to act or look cute, or even act somewhat like a pick-me, so that I feel liked. I feel like I may even do this with girls too, but especially guys. I just really like attention, and I’ve been in a stagnant 6 year relationship where I don’t really feel desirable, and I’m very lonely. A few months ago I started playing a game where I met a large group of people and we would all play together everyday. One of the people in particular was a 15/16 year old guy who flirted with me a lot, and I kept my distance because he was so young, and I felt kinda weird talking to someone younger than me, but we would still talk sometimes because we were apart of the same discord group, and I have a problem being stern and confrontational so I didn’t want to be mean or make things awkward in the friend group. Although it made me uncomfortable that he was so young and that I’m nearly a whole decade older than him, and I did make it clear that I was dating someone and I was way too old for him and I would tell him to stop, I wasn’t very stern and I was very lighthearted about it and I even found myself liking the attention I got from him. I was flattered. I liked that he liked me so much even though I knew he was a teenager and I feel like I was maybe even seeking attention from him like I did with the other guys in the group. And when I say seeking attention, I mean that I was acting cute so that I was liked and got attention. Is that considered flirting? Was I flirting with him? Does this make me disgusting? That I liked the attention I got even though he was teenager? That I acted cute around him as well as all the other guys so that he would like me? I feel disgusted with myself. Does this make me a predator? Doesn’t this make me disgusting that I liked attention I got from a teenager? To be fair, I like the attention I get from any guy. I just like feeling liked. But I feel like it makes me disgusting that even though I knew he was a teenager I still liked and was flattered by the attention and was possibly even seeking it out from him. My head is all messed up. I really feel like I’m having an identity crisis. I feel disgusted with myself to the point that I’m nauseous. I’m so ashamed. I’ve been crying nonstop for days on end and I feel truly hopeless. I don’t know how I’m supposed to live my life with this shame and that I’m convinced that makes me a predator or a sick person. I don’t know if I’m overthinking things or not. I just really need some relief because I feel like I’m losing my mind, but I want someone to be honest with me about my actions.

stuckonathought

Date posted: 23w

Convinced myself of something bad

Basically when I was drunk I was flirting with this guy I usual flirt with he was telling me that nothing could happen because he’s friends with my cousin, so I got really close to him and said oh resllr so you don’t want me, and I can’t remember what he said but I then kissed his like cheek or near his ear to like flirt with him and I’ve convinced myself because he said he couldn’t that basically I’ve harassed him. I left him alone after we’d finished talking but I’m so worried that me sorta going are you sure to him because he kept saying “maybe one day but right now I can’t” and saying “it’s not that I don’t want to” But I’m really scared that I’ve done something wrong. I keep picturing me kissing his cheek and him going like ugh fuck off when I don’t think that happened? I just have the worst anxiety around it right now

crybaby

Date posted: 22w

Advice please!!

I will be straight forward and honest. I have cheated in the past. My last relationship was long term, and I had begged and begged for him to change and in the end he never did. I don’t know why I cheated. And I’m not going to make excuses for myself for why I did. I messed up. The cheating was online, it was never in person. But now, I’m in a new relationship. And he’s everything I have ever wanted in a boyfriend, husband, and best friend. I want this man to be with me the rest of our lives, and I want to see him help raise our future children. But I can’t help but feel such immense guilt, because although I have never cheated on him, his ex had cheated on him. And I truly don’t understand how or why she would…but that’s not my place to comment on. Such a big part of me wants to tell him, and tell him that that’s not me anymore, and I know that we will communicate healthily and openly, unlike my last relationship, which he never wanted to. Not only this, my brain just won’t. stop. thinking…about how I had cheated. I regret doing what I had done, I don’t WANT to cheat anymore, or ever again. Especially with the love of my life I have now. But I’m scared of what do I do if I have a compulsion, or anything revolving around cheating. I want to tell him about it, but I know I shouldn’t, and can’t really tell him as it’s complicated, and I know I would only make things worse. I feel like such a terrible person, and girlfriend, for what I have done and what I’m worried about ‘if I do’, even though I don’t want to. I want to be better, I want to grow. Any advice please would be amazing.

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