Unhelpful Advice for ROCD

Yes!! I have to give myself the same reminder. Just because it works for others, doesn't mean it's helpful for me!

I am absolutely thrilled to hear how your ROCD has improved and how you have learned to stop seeking reassurance. Congratulations on all your hard work - I hope you are very proud!

@Anonymous I’d love to hear if you have any tips for this. This sounds just like me.

@RuminationStation - Hi RuminationStation! Personally, I feel the best tip I can provide is meeting with an OCD specialist. This was crucial to my recovery! We were able to dig into the OCD and create a treatment plan that allowed me to learn ERP at a slow, but steady pace. Each exposure began to build on itself and lead to freedom from OCD's heavy grasp. They also helped me to recognize where I was seeking out reassurance, as I knew some obvious ways, but OCD was sneakily finding other ways for reassurance, which I learned to call out and prevent.

@RuminationStation - Unfortunately, as I am not a licensed clinician, I cannot speak to how you should respond to this intrusive thought. I would encourage bringing this question to your specialist for assistance and guidance! I will say that as I have completed ERP, it has become easier for me to be okay not knowing the answers to some questions, like the one you are asking above!

I agree, Mindilini and I think this article touched on this well! There can be a time and place for certain things in a relationship, like checking in with your loved one and how they are feeling, but there has to be healthy boundaries to prevent it from being a compulsion!

***Please read*** I need to make sure that I clarify I was not referring to the NOCD article referenced in the original post. I'm sorry! I was writing too fast. I was only referring to my compulsion of endlessly looking online for relationship advice from all over the Internet. This is not healthy. That NOCD article was extremely helpful, however!

@Mindilini - Thank you so much for clarifying, Mindilini! I'm so glad to hear that this article was helpful to you - I know it has been helpful for me too!

Sneaky disorder is right! I want to commend you on recognizing how the OCD is trying to worm its way in!

@Louise b The first appointment is just to get to know you a little bit. You won’t get into the nitty gritty just yet. They’re there to listen and explain what therapy is going to be like. You got this! Don’t be afraid to be yourself and honest. They won’t judge you, I promise

We are so excited for you, Louise! I think bstarqueen96 offered some great advice, especially the reminder that your clinician is not going to judge anything that you share. I had those same fears and it was incredible how heard and seen I felt during my first session. I know the same can be true for you!

I am sorry to hear how difficult ROCD has been impacting your life, Aly, especially today. I can relate to how all-consuming these thoughts and doubts can be. All those questions of "Is this person the one? Will I feel this same way again? Am I really in love? Am I settling?" I remember spending hours just ruminating and second-guessing, not able to enjoy myself in or out of a relationship. Can you relate? In addition to seeking ERP, which I always suggest, I would encourage utilizing our SOS feature in the app. This was a very helpful go-to tool for me when I was in the depths of ROCD.

Yeah I feel that. I hate how my ROCD and harm OCD can numb me of feelings of love and happiness with other people, and make me feel so empty. It has really hurt my relationships over the years and it is devastating to me. I just want to feel love, and feel good about myself, but that desire has caused me to isolate myself from people and let myself spiral into a hell of my own making. I am so sad and angry right now. I feel like no one could ever love me. Or they couldn't understand me. Or I'd ruin it and I don't know what to do about it. But, even though I have been struggling, I feel like these painful feelings have given me more clarity. sometimes. sometimes I just feel so lost. and I know no-one can fix it. but im scared ill always be alone.

Thank you for sharing, Charlie and I'm sorry to hear how confusing your ROCD symptoms have been recently. I can relate to how OCD manipulates in a way where we feel numb or void of feelings and how this causes a deeper layer of anxiety! May I ask, are you currently working with an ERP specialist to assist you with navigating the OCD?

@Blue Ant - This sounds like it has been very difficult and terrifying, Blue Ant! I am sorry to hear that this has been your experience and that OCD has lead you to fear that you will always be alone. Please know that this is so far from the truth, even right here in the NOCD community. There are so many people here who understand what you are going through and we are here for you! Have you tried ERP therapy to aid in your OCD recovery journey?

@ Im going to my gp later on today to be referred to an ocd specialist

@ Its gotten to that stage where I genuinely dk if its ocd or not because it feels so different to how it did last time

@Charlie - Thank you for letting me know, Charlie! I'm glad to hear that you will be seeing your GP today for a referral to an OCD specialist. If there is any doubt when it comes to whether what you are experiencing is OCD or not, it is always best to complete an assessment with an OCD specialist! Unfortunately, OCD is often misdiagnosed by non-specialists. If you would be interested, we would love to assist you in setting up a free call to learn more about NOCD therapy and our OCD specialists!

@Blue Ant Praying for you 🙏🙏🙏

@Charlie Hey, I feel similar. It’s the lack of feelings that is always in the back of my mind and which I’m trying to figure out. I really want to feel something to validate being in a relationship with someone. But whoever I date it just happens that I lose the feeling or don’t even know if I even had it very soon. I get stressed when I don’t like certain things about them or when I see someone more attractive. Can anyone relate or has recovered from this?

@Anonymous - Yes, I can relate! I would wake up some days and know I really like this person and the next day, it was like the feelings were sucked out and I was left with just doubts and confusion. I do credit ERP for helping me to navigate these lack of feelings. I would encourage reading this article! https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/common-fears/fear-of-falling-out-of-love-ocd. While it doesn't touch on the lack of feelings, it does discuss the stress of OCD when we don't feel that validation in relationships due to all types of doubts.

@Blue Ant This resonates with how I am feeling. You are not alone, but I understand because I feel alone also. And wonder if I should just be alone to make it easier.

@ Thank you! Really helpful article :)

@Anonymous - You're welcome - so glad it was helpful to you!

Thank you for sharing, Aivlissa! Yes! I can't count the number of articles I tried to convince my boyfriend to take with me or that made me question everything!

@Aivlissa Omg those articles/posts get me too!! So frustrating. People just shouldn’t be giving relationship advice on social media. Period.

@Michie I just started erp today my worst fear is my girlfriend cheating on me. Sometimes I’m ok with the thoughts and other times I just spiral out

@Anonymous I’m sorry! Proud of you for doing ERP though!!! OCD Is the worst! I’m trying to do “ya i may or may not like that thought or want my ex back” but even sitting with that is so hard! I’m just trying to be like look ocd I don’t have time for your bs!

@Michie - I'm so sorry to hear that your ROCD is so bad currently! I definitely understand and know how distressing these thoughts feels. I'm glad to hear that you are working hard to apply ERP to the thoughts. OCD is hard, but you are stronger than the OCD! Keep up the great work and know that we are all here for you, cheering for you! (And I 100% agree - online articles like that are a major spiral trigger for me too)

@Anonymous - Congrats on starting ERP! You can do this!!