I don’t have anyone

@iamworthy You are an amazing perosn, this message made me feel at ease. I’m struggling to know what to do and this honestly made me feel the slightest bit more worthy. My mistake is bad, I know that. But I feel like I’m ruining everyone’s lives. I’ve tried to get on with it. I just feel like a burden. Thank you for that number, I will take that and keep it with me if I need it. The sense to wanna disappear has never been this strong. But thank you. Knowing I have someone out there rooting for me, means the world

@ruminationstation I mean everything I said. I hope you know you are worthy, and I pray that you will learn to discover this worth. I too am struggling with a past mistake. Mine was a year ago, but recently has come back as flashbacks. It was with a very manipulative ex of mine and I was wrong in the situation and apologized to him the next day, but the apology probably didn’t sound super sincere because he had a snarky comment in return and i said “I said I’m sorry.” So I’m starting to think that second statement took away from the first apology. Ocd is telling me to reach back out and apologize more, but no part of me wants to talk to this guy, he traumatized me for years. I just hate thinking about the part that I did wrong and thinking I didn’t make enough of amends. So I understand what it feels like to mess up, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Give yourself grace, as I try to do the same for myself.

@iamworthy Also after the “I said I’m sorry” he said it was ok, but I still don’t feel like it was good enough

@iamworthy Thank you, I’m trying so hard and I’m on the road to recovery. This last year I’ve been struggling with depression but pushed away any acknowledgment towards that fact because my parents have always been dead against that being a thing. I’ve wanted to see if medication would help because I can’t be this person anyone and I’ve just emailed the doctors about an appointment. I want to fix myself. So thank you for your kinds words. Also about your current situation, I also know what thinking back on last memories feels like. Overall yesterday or a year ago the feelings are so strong and hard to get over, I know that. The way I can help you try to feel at least a tiny bit better is by helping you see that what you said and how you handle the situation was completely perfect. Nothing more you could’ve said would’ve made this guy act any different. The fact he treated you the way he did, shows he answers to your apologies were always gonna be the same. The part of you that doesn’t want to speak to him, knows that. And it’s hard to listen oh god I know it’s hard to listen, because that other part of you is pushing you down a road you don’t wanna go down. also I see how strong you are, not wanting to message him shows that. It’s a difficult road, but overall I know from experience messaging him will make you feel worse. You apologised, you did the mature thing. I’m sorry you are going through that, but I’m here to talk whenever. You’ve been so kind to me and helped me so much, I will be here for you

@ruminationstation I’m sorry about everything you are going through. I too experienced depression about a year ago (around the time my mistake happened) and it took me about a a year to realize it was depression. It’s good that you are aware of it being depression and that you are seeking help. I’m sorry that your parents aren’t more supportive. Thank you for your insight on my situation. I just feel like my apology wasn’t good enough for the given situation. I was sorry, but maybe I didn’t make it clear enough. But I do not want to talk to him. It was my bad that time, but he had wronged me so many times before, and I know two wrongs don’t make a right, but I also know if I reach out to him, it could be a slippery slope toward getting back involved in a toxic friendship.

@iamworthy We both seem to have similar feelings towards these matters, knowing someone else out there is of a similar mindset to me makes me feel at ease. And thank you, I think this is the right step towards feeling better. Also, I’m glad you had your realisation as well, I know healing is hard and the road is long but I think we are both on our ways. They are supportive it’s just also a slightly controlling environment and I’ve never really said that before but after tonight, I realised it. I love them to pieces but, I realised why I am like I am. There is no need to thank me, I’m here for you. The fact you are sitting here knowing what you did wasn’t the best, having the strength to even apologise and own up to your mistakes shows that you definitely made it clear. If he chose to not listen, that was his decision. Please don’t blame yourself for someone else’s decision. You’ve owned up, and I can see that. You’ve shown that the guilt you’ve felt has made you want to reach out to someone who was horrible to you, shows that your apology was definitely good enough. A toxic friendship on any levels is hard to stay from, you forget how toxic it was, but you are so strong. You can do it, you can! I think we both need to realise our worth and how the past is the past. There’s this quote, it’s from a kids film, but it always helps me “yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift, that is why it is called the present”, what happens beofre is in the past, we can learn from what we did, change how we act for the future, and live in the now. You are right, two wrongs don’t make a right, but I can feel how apologetic you are, and if you’ve tried to apologise and you don’t think he took it, that’s not you that’s all him. He doesn’t deserve your words, manipulation is hard to get out of and I am so sorry, but know you’ve done everything perfect. Nothing different would’ve changed this right here x

@ruminationstation Also sorry I’m writing a lot, just flew out of me whaha

@ruminationstation Thank you so much for saying all of that. You have no idea how much of a blessing you have been to me today. Ya after my apology, he said more about what I did wrong, but in a snarky way, and I know it was snarky bc at the end of the day he rlly didn’t care about what I did. It’s almost like he was just trying to make me feel worse. And maybe I deserved that? But I guess now it’s time to move on. And maybe this is a blessing, the mistake made me move on from a toxic and manipulative relationship that had been holding me back for years. My relationship with him was actually a huge part of what started my depression.

@iamworthy Of course, he has no idea how much he hurt me.

@iamworthy Also, I’m proud of you for realizing what parts of your environment may be contributing to how you feel. That’s really mature and important.

@iamworthy Awww I’m so glad I could help you feel any bit better! You are an amazing person and I honestly want nothing but happiness for you. You deserve it so much! See even his reply was horrible, he was doing it because he knew how you would feel. He knows his power. It’s disgusting but you’ve realised and that’s amazing!! You don’t deserve that no matter what you did. I’ve reloaded that in life if we can’t forgive, then we are setting ourselves up for hate, and hate is too great of a burden to bear. I think it’s definitely a blessing, it’s helped you move past this stage and even though it was a horrible part of your life, we can look back at how far you have come and how much it’s helped you grow. The fact you see it’s held you back is amazing, now you can move forward. I will always be to message, any moment at anytime pop up on here and I’ll be there to help. You are such a sweet person

@iamworthy Also thank you, it took a lot of strength to realise it. I’m not saying on any level my parents ya haven’t been the best parent ever. They’ve given me so much and so much love, but at the same time there has been bits that contributed to my mental health. Doesn’t mean I love them any less. But he’s it’s mature and will hopefully help me change for my future x

@ruminationstation Thank you so much. I am working so hard to see these life situations better. And same for you if you ever need anything. We can keep this thread going anytime. If you need encouragement as you move past your mistake I’ll continue to cheer you on! I can tell just from our conversation that you truly care about people and that’s why your mistake doesn’t sit right with you, but at the end of the day, even the best of people make mistakes. You are worth more than your mistakes. Have a great rest of your day and let me know if you need anything!

@iamworthy Anytime. I honestly see that, and although it will feel hard you are on such a good road! Aww thank you, yes let’s keep this thread going, it’s nice to have someone we feel can be there for us, so this thread is always available!! You are so kind, those words filled me with so much joy. I always want to make sure I come across as that person, not the one who made a mistake so thank you, from all my heart thank you. Also yes, even the best of people do make mistakes, nobody is perfect. You have a fabulous day also. Will be available anytime for you x

@iamworthy You are the sweetest ever! I want to recover, so bad

@iamworthy Aww hi so nice of you to check in! After that hiccup yes everything started going a lot better. I still feeling like scum on the earth, but I feel like I can soon move on from this. How about you?? How’ve you been?? Hope you’ve had a good day!!

@ruminationstation I’m really happy to hear that you’ve been at least a little bit better. My favorite phrase ever is “this too shall pass”, and it really will. I’m doing okay.

@iamworthy Thank you. I do hope it will pass. Just seen all my friends have gone out and not invited me so trying my best not to care rn. Feels like a slap to the face really. Apart of me just thinks this is childish now like haven’t we grown past this 14 year old drama? Annoys me. I hope you are a good okay!! X

@ruminationstation I’m sorry. I know that must be tough. You got this.

@iamworthy Thank you! Trying my best whaha. How’s things with you??

@iamworthy I’m so sorry to dump that on you, I know it’s a lot.

@iamworthy It really will be okay. I’m fighting hard. My grandma is in a better place and I believe that 1000%. Just takes time.

@iamworthy I am so incredibly sorry you had to go through this today. It couldn’t have been easy at all, but she felt the love and that’s so clear. I can feel the love while ready and honestly there is not a single bad thing about what entire situation. Ocd takes advantage of nice people, it twists realities and forces us to believe things that are most definitely not true! You are not a horrible person. She loved more than anything that you were there by her side. My heart goes out to you and your family, I know what that’s like and it’s painful I know, but it will get better. You are not your intrusive thoughts. She is at peace, she is no longer suffering and she got to spend her moments with the ones she loved. You are an amazing, beautiful person with the kindest heart I have ever seen. You will get through this, be strong! I’ll be here for you 💓

@iamworthy Reading not ready***

@ruminationstation Thank you so much. This message means everything and I will seriously cherish it.

@iamworthy You aren’t dumping anything on me, but I’m also not forcing you to tell me anything that makes you uncomfortable. Of course process it how you feel best, you are your own perosn at the end of the day. You will be okay, definitely! But you aren’t dragging me, I promise. You get some rest okay?? It’s all gonna be fine!

@ruminationstation Thank you so much. I will.

@iamworthy Happy new year!! I’m okay thank you, feel like I can start fresh now with this new year. Have so many things I wanna work so so I’m feel good! What about you?? How’re you? X

@ruminationstation I’m glad you feel good! I’m feeling about the same! I’m ready to get myself mentally healthy this year.

@iamworthy Aww I’m so glad!! I feel exactly the same! It’s a new year, means new beginnings. We’ve both got this! I wish you nothing but happiness

@ruminationstation Same for you! Thank you!

@iamworthy Thank you, same goes. I do hope so. Think I’ve just gotta sit with the fact they feel hurt (even though they aren’t involved in the situation) and let them come around at their own pace. You are right, I have more people in my life that see me not for my mistakes, I’ll be okay. Thank you so much!!