- Date posted
- 2y
Encouragement for ERP
Just some encouragement for those going through ERP for the first time. I've been doing ERP for a month or so and it's hard. Sometimes the flare ups of anxiety and uncomfortableness last for hours, sometimes off and on throughout the day, sometimes for multiple days in a row. It's hard and you wonder if it's even working considering how bad you feel. The doubt is hitting your brain. You feel like you're writhing under your skin and feel dirty in a place you can't reach to clean. You feel numb as you're with friends or doing something fun and feel like you can't enjoy yourself. You can feel exhausted from fighting with your brain. But then one day you wake up and you begin to realize you don't feel as bad as you did. It's like the fog has lifted for a moment and you can see the thoughts, the feelings, the lies as they really are. These moments of clarity grow and grow and show up more frequently. It might fade if you sit and poke at the thoughts wondering if you're still scared and worried that you're not. Remember OCD is a small thing disguised as a collosal entity. It's a cult leader pretending to be God in order to brainwash you of the worst things. It's an overprotective guardian keeping you trapped under the guise of protection. And it all takes place in your mind making you feel like you're irrational and simultaneously a liar. The panic ebbs and flows and you just want things to go back to normal. But if you continue to be neutral. Treat it as a toddler asking "why" a million times to get on your nerves. Call it out as OCD and let the thoughts and feelings exist in you mind. I swear the fog will continue to lift more and more overtime. You are all so amazing. OCD is a monster that is holding up a hollowed out mirror telling you that it's your reflection, trying to convince you that you aren't strong enough to handle it. But I believe in you. If you have to talk to your OCD, tell it to "bring it on". Taking on the risk, the panic, the fear isn't easy. But you're here on this app. You were brave enough to make it another day. Another day you're here is another day to try again in kicking OCD's behind. Even if it's resisting one compulsion, that means a victory all the same. It's hard. I've vomited over the intrusive thoughts I've had. I've felt I should lock myself away due to the things OCD convinced me that I was. Some days I still feel that. But it becomes less and less over time. OCD wants to isolate you, hurt you, beat you up, and restrict your happiness. It's demanding. It wants you all to itself. It's a personal battle in a way. But I promise if you keep going, even if you slip up, It gets better. All of you are braver than you realize, you keep going and doing things even when you're terrified. Bravery isn't being unafraid of something, it's doing what you need to do while terrified. I know you might feel bad and exhausted right now, that's okay. You've been fight for a long time. Just take a breath and get back up, that's all you need to do. I hope this encourages anyone going through ERP and encourages those about to start it. You are fighting your own mind and winning, that's freaking incredible. No matter what, get back up and keep going because one day you will look back at this moment and realize you did what you thought you could never do.