I feel so unloved

@BigGip09 my HOCD is just making it feel so real... for example. When I'm talking to a girl I'm attracted to, I get intrusive thoughts during it, and while that happens I get physical groinal responses and intrusive feelings during it... and my HOCD says I have feelings for the intrusive thoughts and l'm denial when I dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual in any way shape or form...

@Givenup Let's try to break it down with some questions: Do you react with fear with these thoughts? Yes Could you be using your attraction to women as proof toward OCD that you like women and not men? Maybe Are these thoughts causing you immense distress? Definitely The solution: Try not to care so much about the thoughts, man. They're just thoughts. Everybody has thoughts like this. Problem is, people that go through OCD don't think of it this way. They not only may not see that everyone has intrusive thoughts but they are the small group that react with fear and genuine concern when they come up. It could be getting to the point where it's uncontrollable now. Whatever your HOCD says to you, just brush it off and be like "yeah, whatever" if you have to fake this process, so be it. I just want you to no longer worry about this stuff man. You don't deserve it

@BigGip09 And plus my POCD is making me think that since my HOCD is more prevalent now and my POCD is making me feel like I’m not anxious of the intrusive thoughts, that I’m a P in denial…

@Givenup Just remember what we've talked about. If you don't remember, then I can remind you. It's gonna suck, but it will get better. The point of ERP is to expose you to these worrying scenarios but keeping them as "maybe, maybe not." Wanna know why this is done in specialized therapy? Because these are thoughts like all the other thoughts you have and they are nothing more. Yes, I know that real event can be a little different because they are based off things that really happened. But guess what? That's DEEP in the past, and you must let go of it. Who you were at the innocent age of 13 is not who you are at 21 years old. You're an adult now. You know what went down. You know that it was bad, but you also know that it wouldn't repeat, that it isn't your fault and you'll steer clear of things like that. You can do this

@BigGip09 Someone triggered my HOCD… I was looking at women my age and above doing explicit things online (I’m not in my private time at that point) and I was getting this "sweet" feeling in my stomach while getting intrusive thoughts... but when I'm in my private time doing it to the women, the feeling in my stomach goes away... but the intrusive thoughts are still there… my HOCD is saying that I have feelings for the intrusive thoughts when I dont ever want to ever have feelings for the intrusive thoughts in any way shape or form… I only want to ever be with women my age and above… I was telling them about this and they said “Sounds to me like you still have some attraction there. From my point of view (where I have none) I wish I could have some like you”… does that mean they thought I was attracted to the intrusive thoughts? 😭😭😭

@Givenup Sounds like you're still checking, which isn't gonna help you man. You've been doing it several times and you keep going in circles with what your thoughts are telling you. You just have to STOP the compulsions. Have you ever tried to do nothing about the thoughts?

@BigGip09 And now someone just told me I was in denial of my HOCD and that I was attracted to a guy… how do I trust people if they are going to tell me I am what I fear…

@Givenup I doubt it was someone from an OCD forum. Please, for your own good, stop these compulsions. They aren't helping you, so there's no use to keep doing them

@BigGip09 It was on here… on this forum… some guy with SO-OCD just told me he thinks that one of my worst ever fears actually happened… how do I trust people now if they are going to tell me that one of my worst fears actually happened 😭😭 I don’t want to trust anyone anymore… I don’t trust people on here anymore… I want my life to end…

@BigGip09 I hate my life so much… there’s nothing good in my life… only bad… how do I trust people on here on this forum when even people with HOCD are going to say that I’m in denial of my HOCD and that I was attracted to a guy when I dont ever want to ever be attracted to any guys in any way shape or form😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

@Givenup Maybe you should take a break from this app. The person to tell you that was very unhelpful and I'm surprised that happened, but please just try to take time off the app and calm down. You've been struggling pretty badly on here and you have been sharing your story countless times. I understand that you want the help and I'll continue to try and give you helpful advice. I just think you should tone your compulsions down greatly. The compulsions I've noticed are seeking reassurance and checking. With how long you've been going through this, it's time to change things up when it comes to what's helping and what isn't helping. I don't think seeking that reassurance and checking for attraction will help you further, man