- Date posted
- 2y
people pleasing plus *any theme* anyone?
I'm just curious abt what anyone's thoughts are like when also being a people pleaser?
I'm just curious abt what anyone's thoughts are like when also being a people pleaser?
The people pleasing issue with me is extremely difficult to manage as i have to manage a team at work.. Often I would make the wrong decision in favor of not falling out with a team member.. It really is frustrating for me :(
@donnocd It really is :( especially when I'm aware of how much it negatively impacts me and wanting to change it. There's so many feelings in its ways n out of living this way. at least I'm not alone in this struggle :)
Oh my gosh, I struggle with people pleasing so much. :( All my life everyone has always known me as "the most polite person they've ever met." I really like being polite but as I grew up I lost sight of the impact it had on me and my relationships. In therapy I learned that a response to danger is not just fight, flight, and freeze, but also fawn, which I'd never heard of. Many, many times over, when people have taken advantage of me I fawn and over-apologize and over-explain why they could be "right" and why I actually am in the "wrong" even when the other person is being a bully. It's a part of who I am and of course it was ignited by my own decisions to fawn, but growing up my older sister was SO FREAKING MEAN and CONTROLLING and looked down on me and corrected and scolded and mocked me at every turn, so even though I was naturally nice, she further conditioned me to fawn and appease the danger so as to avoid conflict. I always "knew" that if I didn't submit to my older sister, all of those things she said about me being stupid, weird, messy, lazy, unskilled, etc. would be automatically TRUE. So that behavior carried over into all of my relationships. The worst thing is that I REGRET my intense fawning so much. I'm so glad I'm aware of it and working hard on it, but oh my gosh, just looking back on those arguments I abandoned by pampering the other side makes me wince so hard. I'm so sorry you are struggling with this. It really is difficult and there can be so much retained guilt and fear with it.
It’s hard, but possible to not become one anymore. I’ve always been a people pleaser for the sake of not wanting to argue with people close to me. My unconfrontational attitude towards many things in my life have manifested into things I now talk about in therapy. I know there’s a way to become better and rise above it, you just gotta be strong for yourself & patient. Just like any muscle we can practice and work on our brains too. Compassion for yourself goes a long way.
I was doing some research and saw about the narcissistic traits that OCD can create. Is this after the person knows they have OCD? Because I always knew I had it. But it was the classic one, with little quirks. Years later I developed false memory and intrusive thoughts whit my present theme. I was reading this because I was thinking about attraction. And I think I'm only attracted to two people in this life. But I remember from times by I had the feeling to please people. Without any interest and without even having the intention to do it, it was very automatic. So I was constantly focusing on how I was apparently being. I never acted like I was interested, but it was always like I was dealing with people's focuses. To tell you the truth, I've noticed that I do this even in other social interactions. I feel like I'm being watched all the time and so I have to act the way I'd like to be seen, like a sweet and delicate person. To be honest, I thought it had to do with my childhood issues because I was very careless and that got me bullied a lot when I was little kid. So I thought I was super focused on my appearance because of that. And I thought that the agaradar came as a consequence precisely because I was always seen as a grotesque girl because I took little care of myself. I even remember that the compliment that made me happiest was when someone said I was delicate. It made sense to me that it really was that. But after researching more, I realized that there are a lot of impulsive and repetitive things in my actions. And never with any intention. But in a very strange way. So much so that when I was younger I swore that I had some kind of personality disorder because it was very common to act one way one day and another way the next day. Maybe I was just an unstable teenager? Thank u for the help!
I’ve been having intrusive thoughts that I am a bad friend. There’s no reason in particular, just this nebulous feeling that I am an overall shitty person and terrible friend. That maybe I haven’t asked how my friends are enough times, did I show them how much I care enough, did I show enough interest in their lives, am I empathetic and compassionate enough, etc.? Another thought is that “it’s no wonder my friends don’t really text me often, who would want to be my friend and have to deal with my anxiety, depression, and ocd.” My dad has told me that I no one would want to be my friend due to my fears of contamination and germs. I’m trying to tell myself they’re just thoughts and that doesn’t make them real, but my anxiety and depression have spiked recently due to my job and I feel like I’m a liability instead of an asset. I’m terrified of ruining people’s lives. However, I know that I am a genuine person who is very compassionate and empathetic and cares a lot about others. I am a volunteer manager and I genuinely care about my volunteers as people, so in emails and conversations, I always ask how they are and that their families are well and I hope they’ve enjoyed their weekend. I have recently learned that that is one of their big complaints about me— they find my “how are yous” and “I hope you are well” to be abrasive and mechanical. My volunteers trigger the anxiety, depression, and OCD. Does anyone have any other tools they use to help with intrusive thoughts? Am I alone in this? I feel so alone.
I have read many people use the word theme in their posts. I think I know what that means as far as OCD goes but could someone please confirm me??? Thanks!
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