- Date posted
- 2y
people pleasing plus *any theme* anyone?
I'm just curious abt what anyone's thoughts are like when also being a people pleaser?
I'm just curious abt what anyone's thoughts are like when also being a people pleaser?
The people pleasing issue with me is extremely difficult to manage as i have to manage a team at work.. Often I would make the wrong decision in favor of not falling out with a team member.. It really is frustrating for me :(
@donnocd It really is :( especially when I'm aware of how much it negatively impacts me and wanting to change it. There's so many feelings in its ways n out of living this way. at least I'm not alone in this struggle :)
Oh my gosh, I struggle with people pleasing so much. :( All my life everyone has always known me as "the most polite person they've ever met." I really like being polite but as I grew up I lost sight of the impact it had on me and my relationships. In therapy I learned that a response to danger is not just fight, flight, and freeze, but also fawn, which I'd never heard of. Many, many times over, when people have taken advantage of me I fawn and over-apologize and over-explain why they could be "right" and why I actually am in the "wrong" even when the other person is being a bully. It's a part of who I am and of course it was ignited by my own decisions to fawn, but growing up my older sister was SO FREAKING MEAN and CONTROLLING and looked down on me and corrected and scolded and mocked me at every turn, so even though I was naturally nice, she further conditioned me to fawn and appease the danger so as to avoid conflict. I always "knew" that if I didn't submit to my older sister, all of those things she said about me being stupid, weird, messy, lazy, unskilled, etc. would be automatically TRUE. So that behavior carried over into all of my relationships. The worst thing is that I REGRET my intense fawning so much. I'm so glad I'm aware of it and working hard on it, but oh my gosh, just looking back on those arguments I abandoned by pampering the other side makes me wince so hard. I'm so sorry you are struggling with this. It really is difficult and there can be so much retained guilt and fear with it.
It’s hard, but possible to not become one anymore. I’ve always been a people pleaser for the sake of not wanting to argue with people close to me. My unconfrontational attitude towards many things in my life have manifested into things I now talk about in therapy. I know there’s a way to become better and rise above it, you just gotta be strong for yourself & patient. Just like any muscle we can practice and work on our brains too. Compassion for yourself goes a long way.
for the past few years i have been struggling with a certain theme of ocd as well as most of the other themes. but this one i have not figured out a good way to do my own form of erp or non-engaging responses. basically i will be daydreaming or thinking and have a very random thought. i wouldn’t call these thoughts intrusive thoughts because it’s not necessarily fear of the thoughts coming true, its just fear that my thoughts are too unique. my ocd will latch on to random or weird thoughts and may also add in that i was doing something weird while doing the thought. let’s say for example i thought of something random while i was rubbing my feet. then my ocd would be like “why are u having such a unique thought while doing something weird? nobody has ever thought about that specific thought while rubbing their feet before” (just an example). but basically it’s like my ocd bullies me for having thoughts that are too random and things i’ve never heard people talk about before if that makes sense. i am just trying to see if anyone relates even a little and how i can accept that everyone has unique thoughts.
i’ve been having this theme pop up recently where if I see people either criticize or be a hater and spread misinformation or seeing old controversies about my current interests/hyper-fixations i find myself having a crazy anxiety attack about if it’s “morally okay” to be interested in my interests anymore. i feel really singled out and like im doing something wrong because im watching a youtuber or listening to a specific musical group. in all of these specific situations the people involved have talked about the situations and have changed accordingly but seeing it makes me feel like i shouldn’t be allowed to like my favorite things. to be clear none of these things are dramatically evil or bad. it’s either misinformation/uneducated people influencing someone opinion and then they learn and change. it just makes me feel like im not allowed to like my favorite things anymore because of people criticizing it??? if that makes sense??? also this is a little off topic but also not really because i’m 99.99% sure im autistic because of MANY things but with this specifically i have very strong interests and i feel very deep feelings about them and any and all criticism or hateful comments towards my favorite things trigger me deeply and make my ocd act up and make me feel uncomfortable and uncertain and anxious and it causes physical discomfort to me. i really don’t know how to calm myself down about this specific theme it’s brand new and makes me feel really anxious. not trying to look for reassurance but does anyone else understand what i mean??? does anyone have any advice on how to not give into the negative comments??? any suggestions on how to ease this specific anxiety???
any of y’all feel like every single thing you say is some sort of manipulation. like you’re not genuine at all and everything you do is to get something out of something? the same with therapists too. i feel like ever since i was a kid i’ve manipulated my therapists in some way, like to look like the victim or so they’d think about me a certain way. like therapy could never help me cause i can’t tell when i’m lying or manipulating or whatever. i’ve seen someone mention something similar on here and just wanted to see what y’all thought!
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