Okayed me start off by day I’m not seeking reassurance so don’t give it to me . I just need to know that I’m not alone in this trans theme . This is the second month that I had this theme . It has completely ruined me . I’m not going to lie it has me a bit suicidal I feel like I’m going insane and I feel like I’m a whole different person. Like I just turned into a boy out of nowhere . And it feels very real . And I can’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore without second guessing myself . My brain will either tell me I look like a boy or tell me I am one . I don’t like it . But I feel like I just have to try to deal with it now . Like maybe I am a boy now ? It pains to have to “accept” something like this because I know deep down inside no matter how real it feels , I am Naja Demsyn . But my brain just won’t stop no matter what I do . I stoped the googling , I stopped the compulsions, I’ve tried the sarcasm and it still will not go away . I feel like it’s erasing my entire life . I’ve been a girl for 18 years and never questioned it and did what I enjoyed . I was happy the way I was . I had minor insecurities but I was confident as a girl growing into a woman . I wanted a husband and to be married with kids . I looked up to other woman like Beyoncé and Michelle Obama . I wanted to be like my sisters . I liked doing things like getting my nails and hair done . It made me feel good . And all of that was taken from me . It tells me I hate my body , I hate my face . Can’t stop getting images of myself as a boy . Tells me I’m not really In love with my boyfriend and I never liked boys . It’s told me that I was really like this my entire life . Sometimes it even makes up little scenarios of the past as if I’ve questioned my gender before . This has to be the worst theme that has ever happened to me . I legit can not take it . I feel like I won’t recover from this and I am going to be forced to be something I never wanted to be and live unhappy. And this is where the suicidal thoughts come in . If I can’t be myself than what’s the point of living ? It associates me with Every man I see as if I am there equal . And I’m not and I don’t want to be . And I keep praying that it will go away and nothing works . I don’t know what else to do my options are getting limited I’m getting more depressed and life is getting so much more evil than it was before . Someone please give me some kind of advice at least on how to deal with this or what may happen to me . I’m scared , I’m lonely and I feel like dying .

I want to get thought this weird horrible period, it has been horrible. I am doubting everything. I’m not diagnosed but when I look at my past I’ve always been horribly anxious and worrying about health, death and basically everything while suffering from major a lot of insecurities stemming from bullying and lately a lack of intimacy with my partner, Every time I think I’m on the way out, or see some light at the end of the tunnel my mind always pulls me back in. It’s torture. I’ve always been insecure about how I look and I find myself comparing myself at other males and it’s made my self esteem on the floor. I have a girlfriend and prior to this we had a future planned and talked about kids (we’re still young, but it felt so real), this all began to bubble when we stopped being intimate and the loss of my job. I don’t know anymore how to move on, every day feels like a chore. The intrusive thoughts telling me I’m in denial, constantly thinking about men I’ve felt insecure about their looks compared to mine wishing I looked like them plaguing my mind. The false attractions, prior to this i was comfortable in acknowledging good looking men. However now my mind takes this as evidence, every single thing in my past seems like some form of evidence. Not having male friends, the comparisons, being questioned about my sexuality from siblings. I’m sorry if this is reassurance, I am just needing to get some things of my chest. Every time I think about my first real attraction or girls I found pretty/attractive or I liked my mind is like your in denial and then I feel horrible about thinking those thoughts as I have my girlfriend. I miss just being with my girlfriend and not having these thoughts and feeling horrible. I feel like a fraud and a horrible partner. I’ve tried to accept maybe, maybe not, but something always comes back. These 4 months have been terrible. I want to sleep without horrible dreams, I want to eat. I want to feel like myself again. Thank you to anyone who reads this. Hope you’re strong too.

Is it normal for this theme to legit make you feel like you’re the opposite gender and that’s what you want to be and it’s very convincing? And you just keep getting images and scenarios in ur head of you transitioning and actually going through with it? This is sooo scary and i don’t feel like myself at all anymore. It’s making me not feel like a woman or myself of how I’ve always been my whole life. I’m really nervous and scared, it’s really make me feel like this is my true feelings/ self ): it’s causing me to feel weird k. My own body and feel weird about my body parts. Like my brain is literally thinking as a trans person would feel or think like wtf??? Is this normal?!? Pls someone let me know. & and it’s making me feel like I’m attracted to woman all the sudden and i keep getting flashes of that in my head. I’m in a relationship and im scared this is gonna ruin things bc the way this theme is making me feel and my body. Ugh ihml, need some advice. Has anyone experienced exactly this??

Hey everyone, I’m reaching out because I’ve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and I’m hoping someone can relate or shed light on what’s happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didn’t do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: “What if I’m gay?” Since then, it’s been absolute hell. I’ve always been into women—emotionally, sexually, everything. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: • A thought pops in → panic • Try to solve it → brief relief • Another thought → worse panic • Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldn’t feel anything at all—toward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like I’ve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of “truth” like “I’m definitely gay”—only for it to fade into numbness again. I’ve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like “See? Now you’re accepting it. That means it’s true.” Therapy hasn’t helped much so far—it felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didn’t clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now I’m back to thinking “What if I’m just rejecting my truth?” I’m exhausted. I’ve lost connection to everything I used to love. • I want to love my girl again the way I used to • I want to feel desire without overthinking • I want to trust myself again I’m not looking for reassurance—I just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.